- 5 years ago
Probably 8 months ago my SO was using my laptop, and I guess he forgot to log off of his Facebook. I never log off of my Facebook, and I didn’t use my laptop again for a few days, so I completely forgot that he had logged into his account. I brought up Facebook, and I had an alert for a new message, and I saw that it was from someone who graduated from HS with my SO, but that I was also friends with. The response to the message was seriously strange like it belonged in a conversation that I wasn’t have with this friend, so I scrolled up to the past messages to see if I was going crazy.
I ended up back at messages to this same friend from 2010. We had been dating for two years at that point. This friend was someone that he always confided in before we met, or if he wanted to talk (not meanly) about me to someone other then me. The first message was a screen shot of a girl’s profile that he used to like when her status changed from in a relationship to single. He continued with a bunch of posts about how confused he was, how he will never know if he had a chance with her, etc. Then a few weeks later there was another screen shot of the same girl’s FB from when she went from single to in a relationship again, and he had written a message that said, “a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.”
At this point I was seriously hurt and at the same time intrigued. I know I really shouldn’t have, but I scrolled down to messages with other people, and I found a FB message between him and the girl that he had previously liked/had been discussing with his friend. It was from right after her and her SO broke up. It just said, “I saw you went from in a relationship to single. What happened if you don’t mind me asking.” She just went on to explain that the relationship changed after high school blah, blah, blah. He responded with, “oh, that sucks. if you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on just call me!” My SO is a very sweet guy who is always there for his friends when they need him, but besides liking this girl for her looks they weren’t really friends or anything, so I think it is strange that he would offer her a crutch especially without saying anything to me about the situation.
I knew I couldn’t keep this to myself, so I brought up how I stumbled upon the messages and that I was really hurt by it. His first response was that it was two years ago, so I have no right to be bothered by it. I told him that I deserve an explanation as to why he was fretting over a past love interest being single when we had been in a supposedly serious relationship for two years. He basically said that he was just curious as to what happened to their relationship since they had been together for about the same amount of time as us, and that it wasn’t that he didn’t love me or wanted to cheat on me or whatever, but more that he was curious as to what could have been if things turned out differently. I kind of thing that is the CRAPPIEST answer ever, but he insisted that it was the reason why. My thoughts are that yeah things could have worked out differently, but if he was in a relationship with someone that he loved and wanted to remain with forever then why should he care about her being single for three weeks?
I know this all happened months ago, and I’m not really dwelling on it or anything, but sometimes I just think of it again, and it makes my blood boil for a few days before I forget about it. I don’t bring it up to him anymore because honestly I would feel bad for my SO if I just constantly brought things up that happened that long ago, but sometimes it still seriously bothers me! What are your experiences, bees? Has your SO/FI/DH done anything that still bothers you no matter how much time has passed?