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Married, engaged, or waiting Bees. I have not had a twinge of ring or dress envy, or anything else wedding related. But the other night I actually got a little emotional with my FI about buying a house someday. We have friends who just got married and bought a house at age 22. Most of our friends are in their late 20s (even though we're younger) and so they already own a house or are close to that point. I guess I'm just jealous that so many people can buy a house so easily, and yet we're YEARS away from that point. I'll be graduating with thousands, maybe tens of thousands of dollars in debt from undergrad, and I don't even think I can afford grad school. And with the career path I have in mind I won't be making a whole lot anyway. FI won't be making all that much either. I know a lot of our friends got tons of help from their parents for their weddings and even homes, and I'm proud that we've paid our own way through life but it still sucks sometimes.
I'm just sick of living in a tiny apartment and barely affording to eat. Blah, just one of those days I guess. Anyone else ever feel like this?
@galloway111: Yes. Not the house exactly (since we do have one) but more the...extras. Like, "so and so got a new car their parents bought them" or "so and so has babies and gets to stay at home." Lol. I feel so irrational sometimes, but it's a legitimate thought I have.
definitely. i have a lot of friends who are homeowners, but every single one's parents put down the downpayment for them and/or are helping with the mortgage. for us it will take much, much longer.
I know exactly how you feel but I'm older than you. Both of us grew up on the lower income side, we had to pay our way through alot of stuff others might have got taken care of. I graduated and can't even find a job with my degree and I have huge student loans. Alot of my friends are already married with a house and a couple kids. It does suck but honestly it really doesn't bother me as much as it did a year or two ago.
It might sound cliche, but I have the man i love and that's all that matters. We could be alot worse off, I'm honestly thankful for what we have. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Might not be able to buy the latest fads, go on vacation or go out to eat all the time but we're ok.
You'll be fine, things work out in the end :)
I am totally in the same boat as you. Now that we're getting closer and closer to the actual wedding date it would just be so awesome to have a "new" house in which you can start our new life together.
I've been looking in to forclosed homes, but even with the crazy amazing deals finding the cash for a down payment is seriously difficult.
Definitely. I owe $40k in student loans and we don't have great jobs right now, so it looks like a house is at least 5-10 years off for us. If DH gets the apprenticeship he just tested for, it won't take us as long to save up, but it's still discouraging. One of my friends (who's a year older than I am) has a sales job where if she meets her yearly goal, she gets a $20k bonus and therefore will have a house downpayment by the end of the year for her and her FI.
Instead of getting upset about how far away our goal is, we do little things to make our apartment look "home-y." We're also going to set up a joint account this week where we put 10% of each check in...I think it'll help to actually have a separate account specifically FOR house savings.
I think it's better to pay for things yourself because then no one can say that you only have something because you were helped...There's nothing wrong with getting help, but there are some people who it's hard for me to respect them because they have more than I do, but they don't work for it and don't appreciate it. I think that as long as my friends who have families who are better off than mine are greatful and appreciative of what they have, I'm fully supportive. For me, it just gets hard when they don't appreciate it and make it a competition and brag about it....then it's just like "Okay, you have a nice car that's newer than mine, but I pay my own car payment and insurance so I'm not sure how you can brag about yours when it's not entirely yours."
Some of my friends have amazing families who helped them out a lot and I'm happy for them if they have a good attitude about it and are humble and give credit where it's due.
I have apartment envy lol!!! I wish I could live for a while in a cozy apartment with my fiance and only worry about paying rent and utilities. But, we got a house. We worry about 32423423412 other things now and dont get me wrong, I LOVE our house and I love that we have a great place to live yadadadadda....but the stress can be pretty bad. I would say look forward to the future when youll be able to get the house and it will feel that much more rewarding and exciting. Getting our house was not that exciting to be completely honest because he bought it, it wasnt something we achieved together.
Also, a lot of the young couples I know who do have houses either went into debt to get the house, got one under foreclosure or mommy and daddy gave it to them as a gift. I think youll get there eventually and when you do youll really appreciate it because there was a time when you lived in a small cramped apartment. Think of the future! Ive struggled with other kinds of envy but have really learned to control it by thinking about how if I work hard enough I can have that too.
I feel ya. I'm 26 and SO is 29 but we started college later than average because we had a baby when I was 18. We had to live on our own with no help. He didn't even tell his family I was pregnant until 3 weeks before our son was born. We are surviving on the 32K he makes a year because I am still in school. I am doing an internship, too, so I do work I just don't get paid. In my field (Social Work) you pretty much need to have a masters degree in order to get a job. I started doing that because I couldn't find a job with a bachelor's degree alone. When I graduate I will have about 35K in debt and I will be getting paid about 34K a year. (But with good benefits.) The good things is that I'm going to be working for a company that will pay for graduate school - that's why it's only 35K in SL debt.
We live in an apartment right now but I really wish we owned a house with a yard in the suburbs so that our son can experience that life. By the time we can afford a house he will probably be 11. I know that is still young but I wish he had a nice house now. I go to realtor.com a couple times a week and I found a really nice house in a nice neighborhood with a good public school that I fell in love with. The people who bought the house paid 350K in 2006 but it went into foreclosure and the bank was selling it for $160K I would check up on it every day but it finally sold and I ACTUALLY CRIED. LOL I mean, I knew someone would buy it but it was like a harsh reminder that it wasn't us. :( I'm going to find some pictures so I can post.
When I really sit and think about it, though, there are benefits to living small. There is less cleaning and you are forced to limit what you buy. When SO and I were first living together we lived in a tiny studio apartment and had no car, but those were some of the happiest moments of my life. Life seemed simpler then. I'm going to try to just appreciate everything I do have and not let the not having a house get me down. :) SO applied for a job that will pay a little more so if he gets it (fingers crossed) then we can start saving up for DP on a house. Woo Hoo!
It's nice to hear I'm not the only one feeling like this, sometimes I feel a little crazy. I'm so laid back about the wedding and having kids (I'm fine with that being far off), but I've teared up over houses, haha. I know it will happen eventually. And I do like school, and I love what I'm doing. I know he loves it too. It will just be rough financially for a little while. The couple I know that just bought a house, the guy never went to college, he has a really good sales position and makes a crapload of money already. I'm just so jealous because I don't think I could find anything I enjoy that doesn't require college and I still will never make half as much money as this guy makes now in his early 20s! I'm trying to hard to be patient.
DEFINITELY!!!!! I see lots of my friends who have houses or townhomes and it just makes me depressed. The thing is that I know that we make more than they do, but at this point we just have other priorities (student loans, wedding costs etc).
But hang on tight, your dream house will come at the right time, when you both are ready and will enjoy the process.
Also, some of my friends have bought houses and are struggling economically with that burden plus all other household bills. We dont have a house yet, but we are living pretty nicely and just trying to clear as much debt as we can before we make such a big investment.
We have a house, but some times we have smaller house envy. I guess bigger is not always better. Its just the two of us right now in a 2800 sf that just cost a stinking bundle to heat/cool and fill/decorate. Sometimes we're at our friends houses that are a bit smaller at 2k sf and so cute and cozy and we wish ours was that size. I think in a few years with a kid or two we'll grow into it and that feeling will go away, I hope.
we own our home clear and i have serious kitchen envy - i would love to remodel our kitchen but just cant be bothered (we have an older house) and it will over capitalize our house and would be cheaper to knock down and rebuild than remodel. *sigh*
hoping you get your home sooner than later - it will happen
When I do find myself envious I do remind myself that all that glitters isn't gold. You will always have someone around you with "more" but sometimes it comes a cost that is unseen to everyone else. Its hard, especially when your older (I'm thirty-nine) and get frustrated that life hasn't turned out as I hoped in some aspects. But I have some areas in my life that are pretty damn good. So take heart, your're not the only one :). And believe me, there are people who see your life and are envious.
@glittermoon: EXACTLY. I'm dealing with this very thing. I know some who is a cushy life, doesn't have to work, gets everything handed to them. ANd yet they are so freaking miserable , unapprecitive and just flat out ungrateful. It just sets me OFF. Like how dare you? I have zero respect for people like this.
@sakura951: It might sound cliche, but I have the man i love and that's all that matters. We could be alot worse off, I'm honestly thankful for what we have. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Might not be able to buy the latest fads, go on vacation or go out to eat all the time but we're ok.
This has been my anthem for the last year LOL.
@AlbanianBride27: Ive struggled with other kinds of envy but have really learned to control it by thinking about how if I work hard enough I can have that too.
ITA!
oh I love this thread. I *had* horrible house envy with all the people on facebook buying houses, but then I realized..if we stressed and stretched to buy a house within the year, we'd have (literally) no extra money to do anything else. we'd be in our house, but likely miserable.
instead, we're living in an old but cozy, large duplex that we share with his parents, and within the year (when we start ttc) we'll be able to afford for me to stay home for a year or so.
that makes it entirely worth it to me! ;)
Yup, I understand the house envy. Not really envy of my friends, because none of them are at a point where they're able to buy houses yet, either, but just in general. I want a spacious, comfortable home, a nice big kitchen I can prance around in and cook without tripping over each other, a place where we can entertain family and friends. (And nice furniture that doesn't just consist of mismatched holdovers from our college days and things we picked up at Ikea on an as-needed basis.)
We did luck out on our apartment search last year, though, and got a townhome that really feels like a house, for insanely reasonable rent considering the size and location. So we're going to be happy here for awhile.
Yes :( Were currently saving $$ for a down payment on a condo. And if I dont get a second job that pushes our dream of owning a home even further down the road :(. Really depressing.
Definitely. I have several friends who are homeowners, and my parents are currently looking to buy a SECOND vacation home. Meanwhile DH and I are crammed into our 1 bedroom apartment that has zero storage. Half of our wedding gifts are still piled up against a wall in their boxes because we have nowhere else to put them.
Oh well. It'll take a few more years, but we'll save up that down payment and find ourselves a townhouse yet.
We are renting the perfect house from a good friend. After buyin the house she didn't like doing the yard and stuff (it has a pool!). She tried to sell it but it wasn't going well and mentioned that she would like to rent it out and I jumped at the chance. It is a really bad time to sell right now so it all works out financially for both of us, I can afford the rent and she isn't stuck paying a mortgage on a place she doesn't enjoy living in. I have MAJOR house envy for the house I am living in! It is perfect and I love it but it is not mine and I don't know if I will be able to get all of my financial situation in order before she is ready to sell. It would breaK my heart to give this place up!
We currently own a house, but it is far from my dream home. My husband owned it before we met and it didn't sell, hence why we are still in this house. My dream home isn't in the state we live in (I hate it here), and it's a beautiful combination of brick and stone with a minimum of 4 bedrooms.
Totally with you. Like you we are YEARS away from buying a house. We both have to graduate first, move for grad schoool, finish that and find real jobs before we can even consider looking to buy a house. Andw it sucks. I have moved 4 times in the last 3 years, from home to a dorm, an apartment, to a rental house that we will live in and are moving again from in May because the piece of crap rental is 70 years old, horrifically sealed, the water pipes back up if more than one shower in a row happens or one runs laundry at showers at once. The kitchen was last redone in the 50's, so the oven doesn't even fit a regular full sized cookie sheet and there is no dishwasher. The roof leaks, the floors tilt and I have a trashed yard because my super classy neighbors. But I digress. Yes. It is totally not just you. We aren't in the stage with friends with houses, most still live in the college kid kind of apartments but still. I hated my apartment, and this tiny little house is not much better. Just so ready to be able to find a real house, with a yard and that I can do whatever I want to.
@chasesgirl: I've moved 4 times in the last 3 years also. Home to a dorm, dorm to home, home to one apartment, that apartment to the one I'm in now.
This thread makes me feel less lonely :) I'm currently living in an efficiency apartment on campus with two cats and lots of mismatched college furniture (although I do have an awesome, nice loveseat my parents gifted me). FI will be joining me here after the wedding until August- 2 months of us sharing one room! Then we can get a one bedroom apartment and have a little more space at least. I just want separate rooms, though I'd probably complain then because of all the cleaning :P So at least I can be thankful for having less cleaning to do right now!
@galloway111: I know exactly how you feel. I'm in my third year of grad school, and there is no possible way for us to afford a house right now. And it is so hard to wait until we can start looking.
Just curious, what's your major/chosen career path?
I guess that just goes to show that everything in life comes with envy :P Even once we have a house we want to update, remodel, redecorate, find a new one... I'm sure I'll be that way too.
@MissEdamame: I'm majoring in history and poli sci as an undergrad. I'm in my second year but might graduate next year already, since I think I can manage it and college is just so expensive. At this point I think I'd like to go into museum studies, and maybe eventually teach at university level and do research. My main interest is European history, from about 1500-1800, so there's not much money or use in that, especially in America, lol.
I have house envy more than anything else. I don't think anyone else's wedding has been breathtakingly memorable, or anything. I am in love with my wedding. What I really want is a home of my own. Rent or buy, I don't care, at this point. FI insists we buy, but we're in no position unless we rent to own. Right now we're living with the FILs and this isn't working for me. I'm either irritated or in tears every single day and it's taking a huge toll on FI's and my relationship.
So, yes. I have house/trailer/apartment/any dwelling that doesn't contain my FSIL amd FBIL envy. All the people I know my age are living in their own places. Most of the newlyweds I know own homes. I wanna cry when I see their pictures or think about them cooking dinner in peace... or even being able to leave their toiletries in their bathroom without them going missing! Sigh...
I have an addition to my post haha. I do get envy of people with newer places...my fiancé and I moved from a new one-bedroom apartment to a two bedroom townhouse type thing (I'm not sure what it's suppsoed to be called...it's two stories, but the sides are connected and are kind of apartments?) that was built in the 60's/70's. Luckily they painted over the dark wood panel (because we asked them to) but all of the wood is dark and altough the appliances are new, they went for the cheapest ones. So I'm kinda jealous when my friends have new apartments/houses that have things like double paned glass and plastic instead of aluminum...but other than that, our apartment is really perfect for us for now and gives us plenty of room until we can afford a house. :)
I had to come back and add...I have major "Master Bathroom/Kitchen" envy. We got our house for an amazing price, but it's older and therefore doesn't have the "spa-like" master bathroom or the fancy, updated kitchen with granite and the works. I was watching House Hunters earlier and was like "Are you really b*tching that this house ONLY has 3200 sq ft?" And the garden tub didn't have jets. Boo-hoo. LOL. Sorry.
@galloway111: I have my bachelors in history..ugh, Im really kicking myself for dropping out of my Bio major 3 years into it. Seriously, there are no jobs in the field around here.
@AmeliaBedelia: Haha, my mom and I watch that show sometimes. This house is perfect BUT I'm not sure I like the shape of the pool... um what?
@MsNarwhal: Ugh, that's discouraging. I was highly considering double majoring in Bio and History, but I dropped chem a couple days after it started- I knew I'd be miserable and I had a lot more to go. I like biology but not chem, physics, calc, etc.
I also majored in History. Ive actually found quite a lot of jobs that love that I have a degree in History. I plan on going for my Masters next year if all goes well.
@AlbanianBride27: Awesome! What kinds of jobs were you looking at, out of curiosity? And are you going for your Masters in history as well?
@AmeliaBedelia: i once had bbq envy and actually had a hissy fit with hubby over it - yeah, that was a stupid day
@AlbanianBride27: Really? What sort of jobs? Id love to know..I really love the field but I cant find anything history or research related :( makes me sad and feel like I wasted my time.
In general all Ive been stressing out is money, money, money for a house. Ive become obsessed with every dime I spend and feel that its a waste if its not in savings aka our home fund. Ugh.
@AmeliaBedelia: OMG me and FH are HUGE house hunter international fans. We love watching but sometimes hate the couples so much. They just nitpick over the dumbest crap or make some really brillant observations. Like the Berumda episode today, the girl tells the realtor "it feels so tropical". Yeah dumb ass you are trying to move to the Carribbean, right? I would certainly would a home in the tropics would be some what tropical.**rollseyes**
And what I LOVEEEE is when they are like "Our max budget is $500K" but SOMEHOW they end up getting the most expensive option...$750K house. Ummm..yeah..okay...
@galloway111: Yeah. I really was hoping for an infinity pool..... Gag me. Please. FI and I are sitting there like "Really?"
@eloping: Heh, it's okay. We all have our things. :) I really do want a big tub and fancy separate shower. I mentioned this to FI and he goes... okay, that's a major renovation. And I was like "It shouldn't be THAT much." Then I realized that I said.
@bklynbridetobe: Yeah or "this isn't exactly the amazing view I wanted." When it's totally gorgeous and they only have a 75% view of the ocean instead of 100%. And yet... I keep going back and watching all of these shows.
I think I'm really just hoping Bath Crashers will find me at Lowe's or Home Depot one day and save me from my state of envy. :)
Yes I have it. Even though I know that owning a house is a huge responsibility and requires so much maintenance and upkeep, I still want to buy one. It's not like we have a lot of friends who own though. Our only friends that own live in Atlanta where housing costs are a lot lower. We know that by living in the DC area it is going to be really difficult for us to buy a house for a long time to come. Unless we moved 30+ mins from where we live now, there is really nothing we could afford! I guess I just have the house envy bug because I always thought that getting married and owning a home went hand in hand, but now I'm realizing they don't!
I think it is always going to be SOMETHING, and its hard not to ever be envious. We do have a house but my envy is generally directed towards people without loans. We have 120,000 in student loans. It is opressive. And we make enough that we could afford to buy a house and make the payments and we're okay... but its still a struggle. We're still watching our dollars and not really living like people would think considering our jobs because we have so much student debt to pay off. And I have a lot of friends with no student loans at all. Because their parents paid for school outright, paid off their loans as a graduation gift, they got big inheritances from grandparents, their spouse paid off their loans from THEIR inheritances, etc. And it is hard not to be envious because we did not work any less hard than our friends with no loans-- they just got lucky and had someone else foot the bill for their education while we'll be spending the next 20 years paying ours off. But that is life, ya know? Someone will always have better luck than you will. But you will always have better luck than someone else. So I try really hard to put my envy aside and be happy for my friends' good fortune so that when good things happen to us, they can be happy for us.
We have a house, but I still have house envy. I think its only natural. We LOVE our house, and feel fortunate we were able to buy, but there are always things we want to improve or want more of. We want to remodel our kitchen, put in another bath, etc etc. It literally never ends when you have a house...something always needs to be fixed, painted, remodeled or replaced. Owning is a luxury, but its also a never-ending stress.
@MsNarwhal: You should get the book "Great Jobs for History Majors" there are a few out there I have the one by authors DeGalan and Lambert.
It helped me so much. It was a gift from one of my professors at UConn. The History department there was amazing and helpful when it came to easing peoples fears about being in that field.
It lists jobs anywhere from Museums to Government work to even the Medical or Insurance fields. I was offered a job, low paying but a job nonetheless, by a legislator in Connecticut to do writing and research for him. He was really funny about it, he said that politicians dont want to read a 500 page report, they want to read 5 pages. Considering us history majors are pretty adept at reading hundreds and hundreds of pages and turning it into a 5 page report he figured Id be right for the job.
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