Post # 1
Married, engaged, or waiting Bees. I have not had a twinge of ring or dress envy, or anything else wedding related. But the other night I actually got a little emotional with my FI about buying a house someday. We have friends who just got married and bought a house at age 22. Most of our friends are in their late 20s (even though we’re younger) and so they already own a house or are close to that point. I guess I’m just jealous that so many people can buy a house so easily, and yet we’re YEARS away from that point. I’ll be graduating with thousands, maybe tens of thousands of dollars in debt from undergrad, and I don’t even think I can afford grad school. And with the career path I have in mind I won’t be making a whole lot anyway. FI won’t be making all that much either. I know a lot of our friends got tons of help from their parents for their weddings and even homes, and I’m proud that we’ve paid our own way through life but it still sucks sometimes.
I’m just sick of living in a tiny apartment and barely affording to eat. Blah, just one of those days I guess. Anyone else ever feel like this?
Post # 3
@galloway111: Yes. Not the house exactly (since we do have one) but more the…extras. Like, “so and so got a new car their parents bought them” or “so and so has babies and gets to stay at home.” Lol. I feel so irrational sometimes, but it’s a legitimate thought I have.
Post # 4
definitely. i have a lot of friends who are homeowners, but every single one’s parents put down the downpayment for them and/or are helping with the mortgage. for us it will take much, much longer.
Post # 5
I know exactly how you feel but I’m older than you. Both of us grew up on the lower income side, we had to pay our way through alot of stuff others might have got taken care of. I graduated and can’t even find a job with my degree and I have huge student loans. Alot of my friends are already married with a house and a couple kids. It does suck but honestly it really doesn’t bother me as much as it did a year or two ago.
It might sound cliche, but I have the man i love and that’s all that matters. We could be alot worse off, I’m honestly thankful for what we have. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Might not be able to buy the latest fads, go on vacation or go out to eat all the time but we’re ok.
You’ll be fine, things work out in the end 🙂
Post # 6
I am totally in the same boat as you. Now that we’re getting closer and closer to the actual wedding date it would just be so awesome to have a “new” house in which you can start our new life together.
I’ve been looking in to forclosed homes, but even with the crazy amazing deals finding the cash for a down payment is seriously difficult.
Post # 7
Definitely. I owe $40k in student loans and we don’t have great jobs right now, so it looks like a house is at least 5-10 years off for us. If DH gets the apprenticeship he just tested for, it won’t take us as long to save up, but it’s still discouraging. One of my friends (who’s a year older than I am) has a sales job where if she meets her yearly goal, she gets a $20k bonus and therefore will have a house downpayment by the end of the year for her and her FI.
Instead of getting upset about how far away our goal is, we do little things to make our apartment look “home-y.” We’re also going to set up a joint account this week where we put 10% of each check in…I think it’ll help to actually have a separate account specifically FOR house savings.
Post # 8
I think it’s better to pay for things yourself because then no one can say that you only have something because you were helped…There’s nothing wrong with getting help, but there are some people who it’s hard for me to respect them because they have more than I do, but they don’t work for it and don’t appreciate it. I think that as long as my friends who have families who are better off than mine are greatful and appreciative of what they have, I’m fully supportive. For me, it just gets hard when they don’t appreciate it and make it a competition and brag about it….then it’s just like “Okay, you have a nice car that’s newer than mine, but I pay my own car payment and insurance so I’m not sure how you can brag about yours when it’s not entirely yours.”
Some of my friends have amazing families who helped them out a lot and I’m happy for them if they have a good attitude about it and are humble and give credit where it’s due.
Post # 9
I have apartment envy lol!!! I wish I could live for a while in a cozy apartment with my fiance and only worry about paying rent and utilities. But, we got a house. We worry about 32423423412 other things now and dont get me wrong, I LOVE our house and I love that we have a great place to live yadadadadda….but the stress can be pretty bad. I would say look forward to the future when youll be able to get the house and it will feel that much more rewarding and exciting. Getting our house was not that exciting to be completely honest because he bought it, it wasnt something we achieved together.
Also, a lot of the young couples I know who do have houses either went into debt to get the house, got one under foreclosure or mommy and daddy gave it to them as a gift. I think youll get there eventually and when you do youll really appreciate it because there was a time when you lived in a small cramped apartment. Think of the future! Ive struggled with other kinds of envy but have really learned to control it by thinking about how if I work hard enough I can have that too.
Post # 10
I feel ya. I’m 26 and SO is 29 but we started college later than average because we had a baby when I was 18. We had to live on our own with no help. He didn’t even tell his family I was pregnant until 3 weeks before our son was born. We are surviving on the 32K he makes a year because I am still in school. I am doing an internship, too, so I do work I just don’t get paid. In my field (Social Work) you pretty much need to have a masters degree in order to get a job. I started doing that because I couldn’t find a job with a bachelor’s degree alone. When I graduate I will have about 35K in debt and I will be getting paid about 34K a year. (But with good benefits.) The good things is that I’m going to be working for a company that will pay for graduate school – that’s why it’s only 35K in SL debt.
We live in an apartment right now but I really wish we owned a house with a yard in the suburbs so that our son can experience that life. By the time we can afford a house he will probably be 11. I know that is still young but I wish he had a nice house now. I go to realtor.com a couple times a week and I found a really nice house in a nice neighborhood with a good public school that I fell in love with. The people who bought the house paid 350K in 2006 but it went into foreclosure and the bank was selling it for $160K I would check up on it every day but it finally sold and I ACTUALLY CRIED. LOL I mean, I knew someone would buy it but it was like a harsh reminder that it wasn’t us. 🙁 I’m going to find some pictures so I can post.
When I really sit and think about it, though, there are benefits to living small. There is less cleaning and you are forced to limit what you buy. When SO and I were first living together we lived in a tiny studio apartment and had no car, but those were some of the happiest moments of my life. Life seemed simpler then. I’m going to try to just appreciate everything I do have and not let the not having a house get me down. 🙂 SO applied for a job that will pay a little more so if he gets it (fingers crossed) then we can start saving up for DP on a house. Woo Hoo!
Post # 11
It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one feeling like this, sometimes I feel a little crazy. I’m so laid back about the wedding and having kids (I’m fine with that being far off), but I’ve teared up over houses, haha. I know it will happen eventually. And I do like school, and I love what I’m doing. I know he loves it too. It will just be rough financially for a little while. The couple I know that just bought a house, the guy never went to college, he has a really good sales position and makes a crapload of money already. I’m just so jealous because I don’t think I could find anything I enjoy that doesn’t require college and I still will never make half as much money as this guy makes now in his early 20s! I’m trying to hard to be patient.
Post # 12
DEFINITELY!!!!! I see lots of my friends who have houses or townhomes and it just makes me depressed. The thing is that I know that we make more than they do, but at this point we just have other priorities (student loans, wedding costs etc).
But hang on tight, your dream house will come at the right time, when you both are ready and will enjoy the process.
Also, some of my friends have bought houses and are struggling economically with that burden plus all other household bills. We dont have a house yet, but we are living pretty nicely and just trying to clear as much debt as we can before we make such a big investment.
Post # 13
We have a house, but some times we have smaller house envy. I guess bigger is not always better. Its just the two of us right now in a 2800 sf that just cost a stinking bundle to heat/cool and fill/decorate. Sometimes we’re at our friends houses that are a bit smaller at 2k sf and so cute and cozy and we wish ours was that size. I think in a few years with a kid or two we’ll grow into it and that feeling will go away, I hope.
Post # 14
we own our home clear and i have serious kitchen envy – i would love to remodel our kitchen but just cant be bothered (we have an older house) and it will over capitalize our house and would be cheaper to knock down and rebuild than remodel. *sigh*
hoping you get your home sooner than later – it will happen
Post # 15
When I do find myself envious I do remind myself that all that glitters isn’t gold. You will always have someone around you with “more” but sometimes it comes a cost that is unseen to everyone else. Its hard, especially when your older (I’m thirty-nine) and get frustrated that life hasn’t turned out as I hoped in some aspects. But I have some areas in my life that are pretty damn good. So take heart, your’re not the only one :). And believe me, there are people who see your life and are envious.
@glittermoon: EXACTLY. I’m dealing with this very thing. I know some who is a cushy life, doesn’t have to work, gets everything handed to them. ANd yet they are so freaking miserable , unapprecitive and just flat out ungrateful. It just sets me OFF. Like how dare you? I have zero respect for people like this.
@BookaholicBee: It might sound cliche, but I have the man i love and that’s all that matters. We could be alot worse off, I’m honestly thankful for what we have. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Might not be able to buy the latest fads, go on vacation or go out to eat all the time but we’re ok.
This has been my anthem for the last year LOL.
@AlbanianBride27: Ive struggled with other kinds of envy but have really learned to control it by thinking about how if I work hard enough I can have that too.
Post # 16
oh I love this thread. I *had* horrible house envy with all the people on facebook buying houses, but then I realized..if we stressed and stretched to buy a house within the year, we’d have (literally) no extra money to do anything else. we’d be in our house, but likely miserable.
instead, we’re living in an old but cozy, large duplex that we share with his parents, and within the year (when we start ttc) we’ll be able to afford for me to stay home for a year or so.
that makes it entirely worth it to me! 😉