(Closed) Any bees out there who have had a DW? Or any bees who have been to a DW!

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hi there, I’m getting married in Mexico next week, so I understand your pain.  There are always going to be people that give you grief over having a DW, and you really just have to sit down and go over what your priorities are.  So many people told us that “no one is going to go” and guess what… we are having 88 people travel all the way to Mexico!  We did not force anyone into this decision, they did it because they wanted to, and we are thrilled.  No matter what you can’t please everyone (regardless of DW or local wedding) and at the end of the day, this day really is about what makes you and your fiance the happiest.

I’ve posted this before,  but these are some of the reasons a DW was the right decision for me:

-I have been to 3 out of country destination weddings before.  Every single time the bride or groom told me that there had been drama amongst some of their family for choosing their location, people would tell them they were being selfish, etc.  And you know what?  EVERY SINGLE PERSON that came loved it!  Once they were there, all those thoughts fell away and everyone left talking about what an amazing time they had.  The destination weddings i have attended have been the most enjoyable because I have gotten to spend quality time with people i wouldn’t normally, and spend a lot of time with the couple.  it has also made me travel to some really cool places that I wouldn’t normally go to. 

-You are providing a natural weeding system, basically eliminating people who would only go if it was convenient, ensuring that everyone that does go is someone that cares a lot.  I had a long list of obligatory invites that my mom would kill me if I didn’t invite.  These are people that are were really a part of my life.  By having a destination wedding, I was still able to invite them, my Mom was happy, but most of them are not coming and i don’t look like a bad guy.  The plus side of this is that those unexpected people that are actually coming obviously care about me a whole lot more than I knew, and it will be amazing to get to spend real quality time with them.

-We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. We are very greatful for the support we are receiving, but at the end of the day, we are paying for it ourselves and we need to do what makes us happiest. 

-We are also on a pretty strict budget. Getting married in Mexico is allowing us to give our guests a lot more than we would have been able to provide if we got married in the U.S. While i know that it is not about giving them things, it makes me really happy to be able to have more than one event for the people that do come and to not worry about every single dollar like I would be if we were in the U.S.

-Most people were going to have to travel regardless. My fiance is from New York and 95% of his family lives there.  I am from California and 95% of my family lives here. Our friends live all over the world.  No matter what, over 50% of our guests were going to have to take a plane to get to our wedding.  If they have to travel anyway, why not make it someplace incredible?

Just stick to your guns and do what makes you and your fiance the happiest. It will all work out in the end.

Post # 4
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m having a DW. Not as far as you too, but mines in Michigan. My FI’s family is from Michigan, but mine is from New Jersey. Some of my family have embraced and loved the fact that I’m  having one so it gives them an excuse for a vacation. Others are NOT happy about it and won’t shut up. hahah I’m a people pleaser as well, but it’s MY day. They already had theirs, so I do what I want because it makes me happy. 

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think by having the at home reception, you are doing all you can.  have your DW, enjoy it, the people that come will have a blast like you, and ON your wedding day, all this stress will melt away and it will all be worth it!  i speak from my own Jamaican experience   😉

Post # 8
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had a DW. Ours was very small. Our wedding party, our parents & siblings, and DH had an aunt and uncle attend. We did the back-home reception too, so everyone could celebrate with us even if they couldn’t attend.

It was easier for us because DH’s cousin had a DW the year before, so she kind of broke the ice with the idea.

Post # 9
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Glad you’re feeling more confident with your decision!!  We’re having a very small DW with a nice AHR a few weeks after we get home.  I haven’t run into any negative comments yet, but I’m sure they’ll come sooner or later, LoL.  Honestly.. I don’t understand it anyway.  It would never occur to me to be upset with someone for having a wedding that was “inconvenient” for ME.  It’s not about me!  LoL.  I guess it’s just one of those things.  Good luck with the planning!!!

ETA: St. Lucia is GORGEOUS!! So lush.. We were there for a day on our cruise back in February.  Your wedding will be gorgeous!

Post # 10
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just ignore it. My grandmother is the only person who’s complained about my DW…which doesn’t even make sense to me. I live in Seattle, she lives in Houston, our wedding is in MEXICO…what the heck? Is it that much harder to fly into Mexico than it is to Seattle? LOL. Did she expect me to have my wedding in Houston instead? haha. It always amazes me how people never remember it’s not their day….that they had their day or will have their day and they can come or not come (but please send a gift, thanks)..and life will go on. Good luck and congrats!

Post # 11
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this!  I too am a people pleaser at heart, but I don’t have a big family to contend with.

I think you guys need to set a list of your priorities – just you two.  Sit down, discuss the most important things you want for your wedding, then stick to them.  When you start to get overwhelmed with details or advice, refer back to your priority list.  It really works to stay focused.

People will be upset, but remember the motto, “You can’t please all the people all the time.”  So sure someone might be upset, but hey you’re having an at home reception and they’ll get to see you and party eventually for a whole lot cheaper (no plane ticket to St. Lucia!).

Post # 12
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@NicoleLouise:

I had my destination wedding in Jamaica about a month ago and I went thru the same thing.  The best advice another destination bride gave me was this:  The reason you are getting married is because of the love you share with your soon to be husband.  what matters is what makes the two of you happy.  I started off with a group of 60 and ended up with 30 people who had a blast.  we gave them a 1 year notice about the wedding, and those who could come were there. This is YOUR day.  I saw another bride worry herself silly trying to take care of everyone else.  she looked up and on her wedding day she was crying and stressed out and the day was almost over.  you are gonna learn thru this process that you should let some stuff go.  I wish you the best of luck with your planning. and remember destination weddings are far from traditional.  they don’t and will never compare to the standard wedding practices back home.  it is WHATEVE YOUR HEART DECIDES TO MAKE IT!   🙂

oh and my reception back home was a blast too !

 

contact me if you have any other questions. 

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