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@phillygirl629: I don't, but my dad is... It's not a fun story, so I won't go into details. Just wanted to send my love. I know it's hard.
I dont have a SO who is recovering but my step dad has been in recovery for 4-5 years now. he is doing really well and i would like to send out my well wishes and happy thoughts to you and your family. a gret support system is a huge part of his recovery.
Hi, thank you for the responses and well wishes. I go to Nar-anon and I love being part of that group. It is teaching me to let go of the illusion that I have some control over my husband's addiction which has been really crucial for me. I wish I knew about the group sooner but I only found out about it after my husband went into detox. I think it could have really helped me when he was struggling through active addiction. He's been clean 7 months and I have been at Nar-anon for 7 months as well. I think those of us with an addict in our lives can understand each other in a very special way!
My FI in his teenage years was hooked on crystal meth,he was a total tweaker and thank god by the time he was 23 he completely stopped cold -turkey and hasn't done it again .he's 28 but he fall of the wagon with drinking a few years back..I remember being home with my son worried if FI was going to be piss drunk and Yup he would come home stumbling and cursing at me...it took a lot of crying and prayer and intervention from my family and his for him to realize the pain he was causing to is and himself..I'm happy to say he is doing great as of now but there's always something that scares me about him being around alchohol ..one drop can cause him to spiral down that road..and we talk about it openly now and I tell him my fears but he reassures me that hes strong ..I think its been 2 years that yes been alchohol free..and I'm so proud of him.
@NanaluvzGeo: Wow, I give you a lot of credit doing it with a child - you have to be strong for 2. It's something that's always in the back of my mind when I think about having kids in the future. I know what you mean about the fear with alcohol. My husband's drug of choice was painkillers and I always have a fear of him hurting himself and his addiction telling him that he needs pain meds and using that as an excuse to go off the wagon. That little fear I guess will always be there but I try daily to overcome it because I don't want to live life in fear everyday. They say in his meetings "one is too many, and one thousand is never enough."
My DH is a recovering alcoholic. But he got sober before we met. He didn't do detox or AA, just figured out what worked for him. He fell off the wagon about 6 months before we started dating. But hasn't had anything since then.
I know it's a stuggle for him sometimes, but it helps that we don't have alcohol around the house (being alone and 'bored' is his trigger). His bigger struggle is not smoking. With drinking he can remember how it effected his life negativly, so it's easier to stay away. With smoking, he lovingly remembers how it made him feel and there were no immediate negatives. But he's doing his best (Only had <10 ciggerettes this year).
That is great you are going to Nar-anon. I know they have lots of helpful resources to help you support him (not fix him) and still do what is best for you.
it was super hard ,I wanted to give up so many times but I know leaving him would only give him an ecxuse to drink even more. I have been trying to get over that fear and its so hard but I'm getting there...in time I know ill be able to let go of that fear..just let him know you are there and you love him .support is the main thing and communicating .I wish you the best of luck and stay strong and know that you are not alone in this we have been there so if you need us..feel free to pm us:)
My FI, who I am marrying in May, is a high functioning alcoholic who battles with recovery everyday. It's a work in progress. His alcoholism presents us with A LOT of relationship challenges, but I love him and see the person who he is beyond the addiction.
He has done a rehab program, attends AA meetings, and sees a therapist who specalizes in addictions. He has great days, good days, bad days, and AWFUL days. He also has awful weeks.
What I have learned through the process is that there is nothing I can do to control the addiction. As much as I beg him to stop, plead, threaten, etc, it really does nothing to persuade him otherwise. He's going to make his own decisions, and that's that. He can act selfish and inconsiderate, but he suffering from an illness which he often has little control over.
I realize people will judge me for marrying someone with an addiction. They will think that I'm an enabler and insecure because I choose to marry someone "weaker" than me. That's far from the truth. I know who my future husband is and the potential he has to fulfil. He also knows this and is working everyday to get better.
I'm sure you felllow Bee's understand the challenges you face as as a couple in this situation. It's good to know there is a network of Bee's like me!
@maylove2012: Wow, I can relate to you so much! I married my husband while he was in active addiction. I guess I didn't really understand at that point that he was suffering from a disease, or told myself that he wasn't really an addict, but what I did know was that I know the real him and what a great person that was. I feel that the core of our recovery as loved ones is understanding that they suffer from a disease and that we can't control it for them, and that is the hardest part! Thanks for responding.
I am the one recovering in my relationship. In the past I have had problems with any substance but I would have to say that alcohol is my drug of choice. I have been sober for a year now. It's a daily struggle, one day at a time. I am so grateful to my husband for being beside me and really letting me decide what to do. He has never given me ultimatums or told me not to drink and by coming to the decision myself I think it worked so much better for me.
@Miss Rosie: Thank you for sharing that. I can't get enough stories of hope and recovery! Sometimes it is truly hard to be supportive and not try to control my husband but your post reminds me of what it's all about!
I'm a recovered addict. I was hooked on prescription narcotics for 5 years. Danny actually MET me when I was struggling with it. It hit an apex about 2 years ago where I couldn't do anything but sit on the couch and sleep, and I ended up being outed to a dr I was seeing (for an unrelated neurological problem) and forced to get off of them.Withdrawal SUCKED, but Danny was there the whole time, wiping me down with wet towels when I had the sweats, holding me close when I had the shakes, and cleaning up after me every time I threw up. I actually still had symptoms of withdrawal 3 months after I'd taken my last pill.
But yeah. I'm almost 2 years clean now (in June!) and we're very strong and very happy. Any time I miss taking pills I just think of that horrid withdrawal I went through and change my mind, lol. It'll get better! Pretty soon he'll be right as rain. Just keep supporting him and let him know you love him and how proud of him you are!
@imageeksowhat: Thank you for sharing your story! That sounds a lot like the situation my husband ended up in. He actually had one really bad night where I was afraid if he didn't get help he could die. He wasn't able to stop without help and I give you a lot of credit for being able to do that! He also had long-term symptoms of withdrawal and I was terrified that the pain and depression would drive him to use again. He is about 7 months clean now. Congrats to you on almost 2 years, that's amazing!
@phillygirl629: There were some long term effects from the pills, but nothing TOO serious. Like, I get brain fog every once in awhile, I'll forget what I was talking about and trail off, or I'll go to the store and forget what I was going to buy. I think everyone does these things, I just do it a little more often than most people. It doesn't ruin my life or anything, though.
I had tried to stop taking them a couple times before and failed because I couldn't handle the withdrawal and I couldn't stand being depressed. But I did it, and so did your man! It's something to be proud of.
7 months is nothing to scoff at! Looks like he's going strong! I wish you guys the best. <3
They say the long term effects can last for years. I know DH, who has been sober for almost 4 years, a few times a year, will just have days that he is a grumpy bear for no reason. Apparently, it's just one of those things that can happen even years after becoming clean.
I used to be married to an addict. I can't say I recommend it, lol. I would not make the same choices again.
The friends and family forums at soberrecovery are a great resource for those who have been affected by someone's addiction.
My DH and I are both in recovery. I'll have four years next week and he has 3 1/2ish we both got sober before we met, but alcoholism can sometimes be an issue in a relationship. It's usually not, but occasionally when one of us decides to start trying to control everything it can get crazy sometimes. For the most part we have a good marriage. One nice thing about being in recovery (or having a spouse in it) is that 12 step programs have good conflict resolution systems in place. There's also a lot of people to keep you accountable. There are ups and downs being in recovery though. Like sometimes you just get sick of going, so you go less and then you start to get crazy again. It's hard to watch your partner do that because of how precarious sobriety can be at those times. The fact that you go to nar-anon is awesome, because then you know the same language and are in recovery together. For us alcoholism and addiction will always be a part of our relationship, but it gives us a deep common bond and recovery has taught us how to have a healthy and happy marriage.
Oddly enough, after 3.5 years sober, DH fell off the wagon this weekend. I was kinda expecting it since he isn't in a program or seeing a therapist. But he was really shaken up and having trouble sleeping (lots of nightmares). He finally realized he cant do it alone. He has decided to find an AA group that he clicks with and maybe start seeing a therapist.
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Hi bees, my husband is in recovery for addiction. Things are going well for us (thanks to my HP) but addiction has definitely affected both of our lives and our relationship in a major way. I did a search for recovery, addiction, and some other related topics but didn't find much. Are there any others like me out there, or have a SO in active addiction?