Post # 1
I’ve been casually asking friends who live with mother in law.
So far, I havne’t hear anything good which make me nervous.
My future mother in law is turning 80 next year. She is not too bad from my observation. Out a lot and have her own life. The only problem we have is our future ome is about 3800 sq ft. Currently my FI is living with his older brother family (wife & kid), they will move out eventually… aiming at a year after our big day?
Like most elderly, she has A LOT of old junks hidden every single unuse space in the house. I am not joking at all. They have a ground floor suite that never rented out. She has stuff EVERYWHERE in that 800 sq ft suite…… yup, including the bath tub…..
Luckily my FI is very protective. So far, whenever his mom force me to eat something, he will tell her to back off or if his mom goes on and on yapping with me. he will tell her to stop.
Anyways, any tip or advise??
Post # 3
my MIL lives with us, has for years! It’s gotten better. Especially after moving, we made it clear she has her bathro, her room and x space in garage but cannoy freely spread around her nick backs and paddy wacks. She gets upset sometimes tho, If I move an ugly photo frame or hideous fake plant from where she’s placed it, she cplains to DH, but he reminds her that the house will be organized and decorated the way I want, and that she once had her own home and now it’s my turn. It took her a while but she’s been humbled into respecting that. She’s hardly ever home, always at Church or with family and we get along fine. I’m not saying it’s without it’s problems, I have to hear her cry about her kids and grand kids and how she wishes they could come live with us (not gonna happen) also the other day I used her restroom which is actually a main restroom and noticed she had 10 toothbrushes…lol.
come to an agreement with your fi/DH and stick to your guns, that’s my advice.
Post # 4
Girl, I’m sorry to tell you, I don’t have any good stories either. But 3800 square feet is a mansion! (Try living in an 1,100 square foot ranch house where your MIL’s room shares a wall with you and your DH’s bedroom. Ugh.) You mentioned there’s a ground floor suite, so it sounds like there’s the potential for *some* kind of privacy there which is rather promising. Maybe you all can devise a way to sort of “divide” up the house so that you and your husband have your own space, and so does his mama. Believe me, that will go a long way.
The best advice I can give is to set boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You didn’t say much about your MIL’s personality, but it’s not just the nosey busybody types who can interfere and make you feel like you’re about to lose your mind–it’s ALL kinds. Even if you think your MIL has her own life and her own interests, you still need to draw that line in the sand and make it clear that you and your husband are a unit and she is not to have any say in the decisions you make. You must also make sure she understands that when you’re having a private conversation, she is not allowed to butt in. She is not Dr. Joyce Brothers, and it is not her business. Seriously, I know this sounds a bit heavy-handed but even if your MIL is the most well-meaning woman alive she can still surprise you.
Oh, and the hoarder thing ain’t gonna work. If she has to store stuff in the bathtub, it’s time to have a yard sale.
Post # 5
I wish we can do a garage sales and get rid of all the junks. One time my FI were chatting with her eldest sister and his mom. He told them that if his mom wants to stay with us, things has to be changed. For example, those super old, dirty clothes that she lay everywhere in the kitchen must be gone. She got so offended and yelled at my FI that we mind our own business. We don’t have to use her stuff….. we are talking about a piece of old clothes that have holes everywhere and so dirty & old that it’s no longer white but……..grey
It gets better.. I don’t have much interaction with her for the past three years beside oaccasionally, she would keep pushing me to eat food that she got from food bank. I refused to eat it because it just so wrong to take away food from the poor homeless people… then again, I can’t say that to her of course…
one day when we were cleaning up the ground floor suite with his sister in law. She complained to me what happened to her. She said the mother in law invade every single space available including her lugguage. The mother in lawy basically take out the SIL stuff, and put all her old clothing in her lugguage. When we discuss how we are going to clean up the house (since the brother suggested to sell the house), his mom keep yapping to throw away some packed boxes… that belong to the sister in law…. The sister in law already mentioned a few times that she will get to it and may want to keep it…. and seems like she just tune out the sister in law and said let’s throw that out…
Oh, I must forgot to mention about the back yard. She grow her own veggie, which is fine for me. But she collect garbagesss at the back yard that attract rat… I see her gather some brick and steel from construction site to buid her garden at the back… and … all her food (chinese herb etc & frozen meat) occupied 70% of the two fridges in their house… ai…
Currently, me and my FI are hoping she can live in the ground floor suite IF financially feasible.. but with Vancouver expensive market, we are looking at mortgage at 500K at least for his house… we most likely cannot afford to let her live downstairs.. Ironically, his mom has been hint heavily that I should clean their ground floor suite and move in with my FI….