Post # 1
Are there any other brides having problems with their parents being difficult when planning a wedding? My fiance and I have been planning our Florida wedding for over a year now where we got engaged. It’s a special place we vacation every year around the holidays. My parents living in PA are livid that I didn’t pick a more convenient location at a more convenient time of the year. I offered for our wedding date to be the last couple weekends of November thinking that might work better for my parents, but that didn’t work either.
We are letting everyone stay at a resort for free and are only asking for those who want to go to pay for their plane ticket. We’re even going to go grocery shopping and prepare food baskets for our guests ahead of time.
Since I didn’t want to compromise what was important to my fiance and myself, we stuck to our guns about it being in Florida and the time of year (first week of December). For those who can’t make it, we’re planning on throwing a casual party after we get back. However, I would think my own parents wouldn’t give me a hard time about simply showing up.
I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that my family can’t be convinced our wedding will be special and a great time. Hopefully, we can enjoy ourselves with our friends and my fiance’s family who are all excited to be there. Even if they aren’t, it’s very hurtful to dump your negative thoughts on the bride. At least keep negative thoughts to yourself!
Anyone have any advice for me? It would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
My family will be flying half way around the world for my wedding but that is because FI’s family are living half way around the world so its not really our choice since he is paying for it all. Where as having your wedding in FL is your choice so I’m really not sure. Could you choose to compromise either on location or on date?
Post # 4
It’s your day… I wouldn’t compromise on the location if I were you. It sounds like the location you chose has significance to both you and your FI and that’s all that matters. Your family should really be ashamed of themselves, in my opinion. If they don’t have anything positive to say, they should keep it to themselves.
When you first mentioned wanting to have it in FL, if they had concerns, they should’ve been voiced at that point… but once you made it clear that this was important to you and your FI, the subject should’ve been dropped. Either come and be happy about it or be mad and stay home… I really hope they don’t come down and bring the negativity along.. if I were you I’d tell them that. If you plan to not have a positive attitude and burden me & my FI with your complaints, I’d rather you stay home.
Post # 5
NOPE! Stick you your location. I was having the same problem with my family because I chose a destination wedding in Puerto Rico. Once they see you are serious about your location they would have no other choice than to get on board but if you are still going back and forth trying to accommodate their needs, they’ll see that as a way to manipulate you into changing it. They need to be more appreciative especially since you are paying for their accommodations. A flight from PA to NY is very reasonable and you are giving them notice to plan accordingly! I’m not even paying for accomodations. Just make it clear that this is what is best for you and your fiance and you are moving forward. They’ll come around to it….destination weddings take some getting used to for families lol.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice. Florida has personal significance to us as we vacation there every year before the holidays and that’s were we got engaged. We had the week bumped to a later date to be more convenient for my parents although they’d rather it be in the summer. Spring/summer in Florida is extremely hot and wouldn’t have been as special as the time of year when we got engaged.
Although my parents were negative about the location more than anything, they didn’t help me come up with back-up solutions. No one sat down with me to talk about it. And we couldn’t picture getting married anywhere else. We’re also paying for the rooms and food when our guests arrive so aside from driving to the airport and paying for plane ticket, I don’t understand the inconvenience. It’s only a 2 hour flight.
I think more than anything, I’m surprised by how my parents have been acting. Even if it’s not their idea of a great wedding location, they aren’t paying for the wedding and should support us regardless.
Thank you MsFoxxy for your kind words. I hate the negativity more than anything.
Post # 8
I would stick with your location, it’s your wedding (as long as you two are fully paying for it). I also had a DW, luckily our parents were supportive. My mom said something the night before the wedding that really stuck with me. She said she had the wedding her parents wanted and always regretted it, so she wanted me and my FI (now DH) to have the wedding WE wanted. I’d focus on this. It’s your day, it should be your wedding.
And I’m sure when the wedding comes your parents will have an awesome time.
Post # 9
Although my parents helped me with my deposit of $2,500 (after choosing the venue), I am fully paying for the wedding/accommodations and even offered to pay for their plane tickets. I’m hoping once they are in Florida, they have a great time so I can also relax and enjoy.
Post # 10
Is it just about them or are they upset about other family members being unable to afford it,especially a few weeks before Christmas? Lots of people feel unhappy about destination weddings, no matter where the location. The world is changing,tho, and I’ll be surprised if they don’t come around. Best of luck!
Post # 11
I wanted a destination wedding so bad, but it wasn’t in the cards for us. Fortunately, we got married in a location that has tons of significance to my family, so I was just as happy getting married there. I am trying to talk my ILs into having a destination wedding though!! Haha, I would love to be able to have some destination weddings to go to, so I could live vicariously through other people
Post # 12
My family is very small and if anyone wanted to make the effort to go, I would take care of everything. However, one of the perks of a destination wedding is that alot of people don’t go. We wanted to keep it small anyway and for those who can’t make it, we’re going to have a small celebration (local) after we get back. December is tough so I understand the issue with the month. Looking back, I would have changed it to November 1st if they would have been happier with it but it’s too late to do that now.
Post # 13
We are also getting married in FL. My parents were OK with the idea, but then Mom and I took a weekend and went to FL to do some cake tastings. After she saw our ceremony and reception locations, she was like “OK, NOW I can see why you want to get married here.” OP – maybe you and your mom can plan a girls weekend down there to do some wedding planning stuff and she might get on board?
Also, FMIL is NOT happy we are not having the wedding in Chicago (where his family is from, but not mine – mine live in PA). Its really annoying, especially because every time I talk to her about the wedding, she just blows me off and says that no one is going to show up.
But, whaveter….if everyone shows up, we will be having a very large, kick-ass party! If not everyone shows up, then we will still be having a kick-ass party, but it will be cheaper for us!
Post # 14
@Rock Hugger: I completely agree, thanks. I talked to my sister and she thinks my parents just feel out of the loop and are coming up with excuses to knock it down.
Post # 15
Parents and future PILs can be difficult…especially if they didnt have the wedding that THEY wanted when they got married. Sometimes they just like to think that its not a big deal to change your plans to accomidate out of towners or other family members you may not have wanted to include.
I am having a VERY small wedding, only 25 people, exactly how my fiance and I wanted it to happen. All of the parents have to come to us, as we all live in seperate places, and the rest of the wedding is friends right from the town we live in. Wouldn’t have it any other way!
I am somewhat glad all of them are elsewhere as this makes all of the wedding plans up to me and FI, so we definately get it how we want it!
Do it just how you want because no one can fix a regret.
Post # 16
@alabiak: It’s good to hear someone being so level headed about a difficult situation. Hope you have a totally fantastic day!