any free-spirited married bees?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Stace126:  My husband and I do spontaneous day trips and things on a whim all the time!  Just last Sunday we were laying around after a hot yoga class (that I just got him to start going with me to) and we said “Hey!  It’s nice out!  Let’s go hiking!” So we picked up one of our friends, drove two hours away, and spent the whole day hiking and running around like fools.  Our apartment is far from perfect.  We’re not messy, but it’s not the cleanest.  We both have weird work hours so it’s tough to make time to clean.

I don’t think once you’re married you have to stop doing things on a whim.  We very rarely plan things in advance, unless we’re going to be gone for several days and actually need to be responsible and request days off of work!

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH and I have always enioyed spontaneous activities – meals out because we feel like it and sometimes in a different country like when we decide to go to France for lunch (nowhere near as difficult as it sounds if you are less than 2 hours from the Channel Tunnel!), or weekends away with friends that are arrangeed at the last minute. We hate over planning things that don’t need a great deal of organisation weeks in advance.

Marriage doesn’t stop you doing things on a whim especially if you refuse to allow boring domesticity to rule your life. Nobody ever got a medal for housework, after all!

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If anything getting married has allowed me to be more of a free spirit. DH & I are best friends and we both love a good road trip. Of course we have goals for our life (like buying a house, one day having children) but now that we have one another it’s easy to just wake up on Saturday morning, hop in the car and go do some exploring. It’s exciting & wonderful & I wouldn’t change it for the world!

Post # 6
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Stace126:  

What I mean is ….. do you pick up and go on random day trips (or full blown vacations) on a whim?  

Yes.  All our trips are pretty last minute lately.

 

Do you take random classes for the fun of it?

YES!!  I took agility with my dog to “make up for lost time” while I was in school.  I took Spanish classes to brush up on my Spanish degree I got eons ago.  I also took dance lessons because I secretly like hip hop music!

 

Does your house sometimes resemble a disaster area because you’re so wrapped up in your latest project (learning a new language, an instrument, etc)?

YEESSS!!!!! 
 
 
I guess I am a free spirit!  LOL 

Post # 7
Member
4395 posts
Honey bee

I do all of those things. I don’t think being married has anything to do with it, but having someone to do those things with you make it so much more enjoyable.

Post # 8
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Absolutely!! If you are like this now I can’t see how marriage will change this. As I get older I’m not as carefree (I don’t skip work as much to spend the day at the beach :)) but I think that’s more about age than marriage. I’m still very independant, I don’t do everything with DH just because he’s there but it is nice to have your best friend around all the time so when you want to do something extra crazy..”hey how about driving up to the mountains this weekend and camping?” they are right there to join! ….all that said, I’m newly pregnant so I think THAT may change some things!

Post # 9
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am not free spirited at all, but I haven’t changed since marriage, just always been this way.  So I don’t think marriage means you have to change who you are!

Post # 10
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Marriage doesn’t mean you have to be boring 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This should make you feel better:

DH and I are 37 and 41.  We play video games in our spare time.  Sometimes together, sometimes not.  We’ve been discussing what to do for our first anniversary.  Threw around some ideas and DH mention a nearby festival and then  “if you want to stay home and play video games that’s cool too”.  Stereotypically it’s the guy who plays the games.  He loves playing video games, but I’m worse and get more wrapped up in them then he does.  We saw his folks this weekend and they wanted to know what we’re doing and we said “This, that, or … [video games]“.  She said “Well that last one isn’t romantic.”.  DH said “Well, it depends on who you are!”.  Cause that’s how we spend a lot of our free together time is playing games together.  And it’s all in who you are and what you like,  which pretty much sums up what marriage should be…. it’s what the two of you want it to be!

We individually or together decide “hey, this looks like fun” and go do it.  We do always let each other know what’s going on, where we are going, when we expect to be back.  We also spend the vast majority of time together, simply because we enjoy it.

We do our fun hobbies, work where we want (even if sometimes schedules conflict and it sucks)… it’s worth it for ourself and the other half to enjoy that 8+ hours a day they spend at work.  DH is working (and probably will for the forseeable future) a schedule I loathe.  Goes to bed way before I’m capable of sleeping, gets up way before I believe the world exisists… but he likes it so I’m not going to rain on his parade… plenty of hours in a day and we still get time together.

We’ll go off with our friends, typically inviting the other, but not always, and the other doesn’t always want to come either for whatever reason.  Maybe they had a long day, they’re tired, they’d rather do something else.  It’s all good.

We’re happiest together because we are just comfortable together (and attracted/love each other of course).  But we are still our own people and do our own thing things, which often times makes it that much more fun when we come back.  The person who went and did their thing is happier and more energized, plus there’s something new to talk about.

This is the real world, not 1950s.  We’ve (thankfully) moved on way past the Cleavers!  I don’t even like cooking so I don’t, unless I’m (rarely) in the mood.  DH loves cooking.  The kitchen is his domain.

In summary: marriage shouldn’t change anything (other than a deeper commitment), if it does change that means one of you hasn’t been honest!

Post # 12
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Stay free spirited! From my personal experience, the first thing I had to do was to stop comparing myself to others. Just because my friends do things a certain way doesn’t mean that I have to as well. 

 

Some examples: when we were engaged I went on a group backpacking trip without him. I plan on visiting a friend out of state next month for the weekend without DH. I still visit friends for an afternoon or evening without him. Of course, I wish I could share these experiences with him, but it doesn’t always happen that way due to work schedules and the like. Sometimes, he’ll use the opportunities to catch up with friends or family. I’m in grad school, so I still take classes. 

 

As for spontaneous trips, we do those, too! We have gone driving and hiking on a whim. Gone to sport games on a whim (baseball and lacrosse). I love having someone to be spontaneous with, and he does as well. 

 

Our apartment isn’t the cleanest, either, because he’ll be updating his website or open street maps while I am reading or writing poetry.  

 

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