(Closed) any good self help books for mom? *long vent*

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Can your siblings become financially emanicipated?  When I was 14 or so, I became financially independent for various reasons… it was greatly helpful to helping my family through a tough time, and allowing me to get a lot more financial aid in college.

I don’t think there’s much that can be done for your mom, besides letting her hitting rock bottom. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Rather than lend your mom money, maybe your money could go towards payments towards a car for your sister?

Post # 7
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i understand your concerns about your siblings, but as nice as you are, the things you do enable her to continue her behavior. i am not saying that this is your fault. the situation your mother has gotten herself into is entirely her fault. i guess it’s kind of like a drug addict. it’s his/her fault that he/she takes drugs, but if his/her parents/siblings/whomever gives him/her money to buy the drugs, then they are enabling them to make that choice.

i’ve never been in your position, but i can understand that it must be a tough one to be in. you are faced with “parenting” your mom and your siblings. noone should have to be in that position unless your parents were disabled or chronically ill. your mother, however, has a choice. she does not need to be in the position that she is in. but it seems that she is in that position because she gets help with being in that position.

it would be so easy to just say you’ve tried and just let her be until she finds her own way. unfortunately, you have two underage siblings to worry about. are there any responsible adults who can help you out? any aunts/uncles/family friends? your mom needs help—-but not with the cable bill. cable is a luxury


noone needs cable. and there is no way that it is cheaper to get phone with cable. that would mean the cable companies were giving the cable out for free. and they’re not in the business to do that. but, this isn’t about cable.

it’s nice that you want to help her seek guidance. you don’t need to buy her books. just get a library card and get some books for her. wayne dyer has great books/cds. they are about inspiration and motivation. suze orman has tons of financial books. you’ve done what you could for your mom. the best gift you can give her is to save your money and spend it on your siblings, instead of her. your mom is an adult and she needs to start acting like one. unfortunately, she won’t if she keeps thinking that people are going to continue to help her live the way she currently is.

*hugs to you and your siblings* i hope your mother gets a wake up call and i hope you all find happiness and peace soon.

Post # 9
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

After focusing on saving for your own needs, instead of bailing your mother out you can send gifts directly to your brother and sister.  You can send them clothes or food, or gift certificates so that they can pay for their own necessities (if you are assured that they will spend the money wisely and that your mother won’t intercept them).  

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

you obviously have a good heart but enough is enough…. sounds like everyone has looked after your mother is some way for many decades and until people say no, there will be no change to her pattern

i can understand your concern for your siblings but your mother is abusing them with her indifference and neglect – shes lucky the kids havent been taken off her at some point

you have obviously turned out to be a caring & thoughtful person so take heart that your siblings will be very similar to you – but right now you owe your mother nothing and if i was you i would STOP supporting her financially

it a tough call & easy for me to say but you need to start standing up and saying no to this woman

 

Post # 11
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

HUGS. I actually started to cry when I read this.  I’ve had a very similar situation only (thank goodness) I didn’t have any siblings to worry about.  That really broke my heart to read about your brother and sister.

My mother and your mother sound very much alike.  I’m in my thrities and only a few years ago did I finally decide that I had to stop taking care of her . People had been pleading with me to stop, but its hard when it’s your mother even if you know its the right thing.

But you need to stop.  I feel the best thing you can do is take care of yourself right now.  And you deserve that. 

Also, make sure you keep in communication with your brother and sister often (it sounds like you do and that you are a wonderful sister and a wonderful person) – maybe ask them if there are things that they need and then you can buy them those things and send them as one of the other posters suggested.  That way, your mother can’t take the money from them.

If you mother ends up in a bad situation, it may be the wake up call she needs.

 

Post # 13
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow this is a really difficult situation because its hard to let our family members do things like this. I would seriously consider turning your mother in for using your brother’s credit. Have a sit down with her as a family and let her know if she continues to use his credit you will be forced to. Sometimes tough love is necessary. If people have been bailing her out for her entire life it might be hard for her to even become motivated to change her ways. I’m not sure a self help book would even help. I know its hard to cut her off because you have younger siblings to worry about, but there has to be a way to open up her eyes without hurting them.

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