Post # 1
I wasn’t sure where to post this so I thought encore might be a good place. I know this is a bit of a taboo topic on the bee but my husband and I were married legally first where we live and are having a ceremony next year with family and friends on the other side of the country.
We did it this way for a myriad of reasons: we’ve been together a long time and we were ready, we wanted the paperwork to be processed where we live and not where we used to live, we wanted to take command of the moment and have it to ourselves since the idea that we could officiate our own marriage was pretty neat and we knew that any ceremony would be mostly family controlled, and last but not least we needed to get married sooner for financial/insurance reasons and couldn’t plan a whole wedding and ceremony with our family that was so far away in a matter of days.
I have been planning the ceremony which has been fun but a very small part of me is sad that the day we have the ceremony next year won’t be the day we were actually married. Our families know we are married legally and they are still excited and helping to plan and making sure they can come. When I look back on the way we did it I wouldn’t change it for the world. We declared that we are commited to each other first by signing the paperwork and now we will actually exchange vows and declare our love to one another and we get to share that with all of our family!
I was wondering if there are any bee’s out there who are having a ceremony after doing the legal paperwork bit (like going to town hall, etc.)
Are you exicted to be plannning your ceremony or do you have mixed emotions? Do people know you are already married? Are you having a wedding ceremony and a reception or just one or the other? If you are having a ceremony how to you respond when people try to say something negative about this? Which day do you consider to be the one you are actually married?
I put up a poll for people who might want to repond anonymously. And you can click multiple options.
I don’t intend this thread to be about people judging couples that do this and wether or not it should be done. Just a forum for people who had done it and how they feel about it and what they are going through.
Post # 3
Hi! I had a similar experience. My FI (or should I say husband) and I live in the US, but we are from a different country. We got legally married in the US in May. We had a small ceremony on the beach (we live in Miami). And both our parents came. We had around 30 guests. Now we are planning our big catholic wedding for December in our home country, where our families and guests will attend (we have 250 guests). I’m having a great time planning the wedding and I’m not worried at all that we are already legally married.
In our country it’s very common to get legally married first and then have the religious ceremony. Both ceremonies are usually a couple days apart. In our case they will be about 7 month apart. But who cares!
You should enjoy your moment. It will be special no matter what.
Have fun planning!!!
Post # 4
While we’re still debating doing it, I don’t see a problem with it. Mostly because I feel like I want to be married legally and spiritually, and I don’t think those things have to happen at the same time (although it can, clearly). I can’t speak for anyone else’s reasons for doing it/feeling okay with it.
I don’t know if we’re actually going to get married before the actual day just to get rid of the legal aspect (rules in VA are preventing/creating more work than we feel like dealing with my home Pastor from marrying us b/c he’s out of state), or have a smaller, immediate family only wedding the morning of our wedding with my/our Pastor and our “real” intimate vows, and then do the afternoon wedding with a legally VA recognized officiant for everyone else. That means I get my private wedding surrounded only by our family, and the guy gets a big wedding with all of our friends/family. We’ve gotten some push back on having 2 ceremonies, but I always tell people a)If you’re invited & it bothers you, please don’t participate-we’ll both be happy or b) you’re not invited to anything, so I’m not sure why you think I care about your opinion. Tends to end the conversation on the subject pretty definitively.
Post # 5
We did and we’re happy with our choice and so are our families and friends. We had our legal ceremony on leap day this year so every year that isn’t a leap year we’ll celebrate our anniversary on our September date. On leap years we plan to celebrate on leap day and do something big. 🙂 The second ceremony will be our religious one and is really more for our families than it is for us. It’s a small ceremony and reception – only 40 people. But being legally wed first hasn’t taken any excitement out of it for us. If anything it’s made us stress less about the September ceremony because we were able to have our cheap, drama and stress free, private ceremony already. There’s no pressure to have a perfect ceremony and perfect day next month because we’re already married.
Good luck with everything!
Post # 6
It’s nice to know there are at least a few other bees that did the same thing! Your encouragement is renewing my excitement about it all. Thank you.
Any more bees?
Post # 7
We did this! Our legal marriage was about 14 months before our wedding celebration with family and friends (ceremony anreception/party). We chose the legal route first for financial/insurance reasons and to make sure my grandmother from out of the country would at least be there for that day should anything happen where she couldn’t travel back for the wedding day (she made it for that too though!)
I fully embraced and enjoyed the planning process and you should too! Society dictates too much what is “right” and “wrong”… Your wedding should be about what you two want and think is right for you. We told everyone as part of the save the date so they all knew. We did save the ring exchange and writing personal vows to each other for our wedding celebration. But we has started caling each other husband and wife after the legal marriage. We received many compliments that our wedding was extremely special and everyone there was so happy that they were invited to share in that day with us.
My hudband’s dad was our “master of ceremonies” since he was the only parent not at the legal marriage. And we asked each of our moms (my dad is not in the picture) to say something during the ceremony portion. It was nice to really create something that reflected us and by not having to do any legal stuff on the wedding day we were able to do just that. My vows started with “I’m honored to have called you my husband for over a year now…”
We’re going to celebrate the legal date mainly but I’ll do something little for the celebration wedding day tmakers the day where our family and friends were there to support us and our path through mawedding to our wedding.
Good luck and enjoy planning!
Post # 8
I posted something similar but more directed at eloping out f the country and having a legal civil ceremony in the US.
I’m tuning in to see everyone’s thoughts.
Post # 9
We did this, will have the ceremony next year for family. We are excited about it, and the whole family knows and is pitching in to help with little things.