Any one experience stay at home mom shaming?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would blow it off. I stay home with dd during the week and work weekends, while my DH works full time. Taking care of a baby and the house is work, just a different kind. I’m proud to be a SAHM and most people I talk to think its wonderful that I get to stay with dd. 

Post # 3
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

rachelsmithe007:  Don’t let it bother you! Everyone’s personal choices are just that, personal. I’m not a mommy (yet) but my mother stayed home with my brother and I and I don’t think we would have turned out like we did if she hadn’t. Stand your ground and feel good about the fact that your personal choice is what is best for you and your family. Best of luck to you, don’t let it get you down. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That would rub me the wrong way! They have NO idea what you do exactly.. So they need to keep their mouths shut!

Post # 6
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

ButterflyButterfly:  I hope I didn’t offend you. I think my brother and she would have a different relationship (they are super close) but she worked when I was a baby and I have always been really independent; she was home with him until he was 8. I think it also gave us a lot of her values at a younger age than it may have been, depending on how much she would have worked. My dad was never home due to work (extreme situation) and neither my brother nor I share a close relationship with him to this day. I guess, personally for me, it helped me to become closer to my mom and her lifestyle/way of thought, which I like. I am not saying it has to be/is/will be this way for everyone but in my own situation, based on my experiences, that is how I feel. I can’t say whether or not I will do the same when I have children, but I will cross that bridge when I get there. 

Post # 7
Member
6753 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

i am a SAHM but I have never experienced much shaming. Perhaps it is because people know I worked full time until very recently, for the first 10 years of my oldest’s life. Someone (another SAHM) asked me today what I am going to do when my youngest goes to school in two years- but I think it was curiosity and not judgement.

Post # 8
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve heard things like that said to my mom, about my SAHM friends, and figure I’ll hear it myself pretty soon since staying at home is an odd concept in a lot of places I’ve lives. 

Those comments drive me crazy – raising little people is far more important and a far more valuable way to use your education and skills that any job. Plus, as my mom said (which usually ended the topic), I plan to homeschool. Not many people will tell you to work AND do that haha!

Post # 10
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

rachelsmithe007:  I’m not a mommy yet but I (hopefully) will be fairly soon and I think about this often. I’m sure after I have a baby, my mind will change 100% but I know I have shamed my step-mom for her decision to be a SAHM and homeschool. She used to be a vice president of a very important financial firm here in town and quit to take care of my half-sister while my father still works at his own company. I can’t help but feel a little judgey thinking about all that she was and all that she had accomplished as a WOMAN in a primarily MALE RUN business and all that she gave up to raise kids. She was professionally better off than my dad but left because she’s the mom, which frustrates me.

I need to stop being so judgmental though because I think it’s important to respect each mommy and their choices — all moms want what’s best for their kids and their family!

Post # 11
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

Ignore her. Most Canadians get a year maternity leave, you wouldn’t have even made the half way point yet. She’s probably just jealous thinking staying home is all play and fun. 

Post # 12
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Eta – Can’t seem to edit on my phone. I understand that working is good and that many moms need to work (my MIL included). Obviously you do the best you can, but if you can stay home to be with your kids, then I’m all for it and have definitely gotten “the look” for expressing my desire to do so. Anyway, just making sure that didn’t come across badly. 

 

Post # 13
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It’s a tricky one, but it also comes across as ignorant… for one thing, how does this person know that you can even afford to go back to work? You would have to earn significantly more than the cost of full time childcare to do so… unless they are volunteering to provide childcare for you.

There’s an idea… the next time you get shamed by a relative, mention that childcare is now so expensive that some people can only work if their families volunteer to provide it cheaply. Then suggest that the relative could fill that role for you. With any luck, they will flee in terror and you won’t have to put up with them or their comments for a very long time.

Post # 14
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

rachelsmithe007:  Also, I didn’t really answer your question in my last post, go figure. I think it’s offensive and I think that you should just ignore annoying people who don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s your life, your baby and your decision. Everybody’s situations and conditions are different. If you and your husband are happy and doing what’s right for your baby, that’s all that matters. Think, while they are work all day being mindless drones you are taking care of your precious baby AND taking care of the house and on top of all that, you’re probably sleep-deprived AND you work once a week! That’s a lot for a new mama 😉

Post # 15
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

rachelsmithe007:  I’m guessing this relative doesn’t have children?

I’m having twins this January and I priced out daycare, for two infants I would be committing half my salary to daycare cost alone.  I can’t justify working a 40-hour week so that I can spend half my income paying a stranger to raise my children.  And I make pretty decent money, if I still had the job I had before getting my masters degree I would be spending 75% of my income on daycare, that’s just insane.  I wonder if this relative has any knowledge of daycare costs.

Remember, the job you’re doing right now would be very well-paid if the child and family you were caring for wasn’t yours.  Don’t underestimate your value!!

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