Post # 1
Well I have been reading The God Delusion and it has brought to mind some pretty interesting points. However, I am still getting married in a non-denominational Christian church. It is the church where my FI was baptised and where his mom/stepdad got married. So it has been “in the family” for a while and has tradition. However, I am not a religious person and I fear that this situation will bring up awkward questions. The family is pretty good about not attacking me for my atheism. But I worry that they’ll push for baptisms and going to church later down the road. Also, there is a lot about God and Jesus in the readings of the pastor. How to deal with this? I want to make FI happy, and he chose the church. Should I just go along with it to please him but draw the line at forcing myself/our kids into a religion they may not want? AH!
Post # 3
FI is an athiest and I am agnostic but we are getting married in the Orthodox church.
We are getting married in a church because it means a lot to both of our families, and while I don’t believe in it, it is important to me to get married in a church. I don’t know why but I have always pictured myself getting married in a church.
I am in the same boat as your right now, I am not sure how to handle meetings with the priest and I am worried that our beliefs will come up. I am just going to keep my fingers crossed that the priest does not require pre-marriage counciling.
Post # 4
FI and I are both agnostic. We are getting married in the Catholic church because both of our grandparents would have a heart attack if we didn’t. My grandparents are super religious. When we met with our priest he asked us questions about our church. I told him that even though I’m a member at my church that I never attend but that I attend mass with my grandmother at her church. I wasn’t really lying because the only time I do go to church is with her but it’s really not that often. Once we have kids, and sadly if our grandparents are gone, we would not have thenm baptized. But if they’re alive, we will
Post # 5
My friends husband was agnostic and they got married in a catholic church.
Post # 6
Isn’t it kind of crazy what we do to please our families.
Post # 7
My husband is agnostic and we were married in my family’s church per my grandmother’s wishes. It worked out and he was completely happy with it.
Post # 8
I’m an atheist and definitely wouldn’t be comfortable having a religious ceremony, but if you’re willing to have one because it’s important to your FI, that’s really sweet of you. That said, I would have a talk with the pastor and ask if he could choose some readings that you are more comfortable with. There are so many beautiful passages from the Bible that I’ve heard read at weddings that aren’t all gung-ho on God and Jesus, hopefully he will be open to using some of those instead.
As for going to church and raising your children, you need to have a frank discussion with your FI about that ASAP so that you know what to tell his family when they ask. Make a decision and stick to it from the start. If you waffle over it or give his family any leeway to influence these decisions, you will probably end up with a lot more drama than is necessary.
I love my Catholic MIL to death, and she’s usually super good about not being preachy, but it’s very likely she will try and get us to baptize our children and that is just not going to happen.
Post # 9
@Mrs.RDV: I was just thinking that. We’re agnostic and outright refused to get married in a church, despite some pleading from a few of my family members. Gotta stick to your guns.
That being said, if it’s important to your FI, I think it’s sweet that you’re doing it.
Post # 10
I am agnostic and FI is athiest, even if one of us was religios but the other wasn’t I we still wouldn’t get married in a church (getting married in a church never even crossed our minds). For us that would just be wrong (not to mention confusing).
In regards to your children being bought up, considering you are getting married in a church for your FI I think most of your family (maybe even your FI) will assume that any future children will be bought up religious.
FIs parents are a religious (not devot or anything like that) and they wanted DS to be christened under The Church of England (which we were both christened under) but we flat out refused. If DS decides he wants to be religious than good for him, however we won’t be the ones teaching it to him or introducing it to him. How to raise you children in regards to religion is a very important topic to discuss with your FI now so issues don’t occur down the track.
Post # 11
im agnostic and FI is raised catholic (but not practicing) and we are getting married by a preist. no in a church but we have several religions in our ceremony
Post # 12
I am pretty agnostic and am getting married in a protestant church. It is at the Air Force Academy where my FI graduated from. I actually chose to get married here because of my FI’s history..the chapel’s legacy and well, because its a really cool building! lol My family is all hindu and most of my friends are christian or agnostic. I just look at it like this, we are getting married, I am sure jesus was just a man, who cares if these other people are delusional lol. (not meant to be mean…just trying to say that every one has their own opinion about god and it is not important to me for them to hold back on them during my ceremony). Is it really that important to you that jesus is talked/not talked about? My daughter was also christened.. but goes to a hindu temple every week and has never been to church after that day lol. I christened her to appease her father and it did me no harm, nor does she know anything about christianity.
Post # 13
@fvsoccer:HMMMM! Same boat, sortof, here…FI is religious and I’m not. I question a lot of things about religion, and hoestly, I just don’t agree with it. Not sure if i fall into some sort of category, cause i would like to “believe” in all of it, I just can’t fully. BUT, I wanted to have our ceremony in a church, not FI. He doesn’t care, as long as we get married. But for me, a church just feels “right” for some reason. I’m not put off by mention of religion or god at all, just have my own thoughts about it. As far as kids, if we ever have some, they will go to church. Wierd right? I just think with kids, it’s a good thing to be exposed to. I also think if I had been exposed more to religion as a child, some things may have been easier to deal with then and even more so, now.
Post # 14
We’re both atheists, but we got married at my IL’s Unitarian church. It was a compromise between us and our religious families…it was in a church, but a church that has a Wiccan gives the occasional sermon/lecture. And we got married outside in the center of their flat stone meditation labryinth, in front of a huge gorgeous tree. There were hints of religion in the ceremony, a prayer or two, blessing the rings, enough that our super-religious grandmothers/my entire family were appeased, but not so much that it made either of us uncomfortable.
Post # 15
We’re getting married in what USED to be a church- it’s got a very traditional look to it, but it’s been bought out by the museum and now the sanctuary is used as a concert hall for the music school across the street. It was perfect for us because it’s actually the church that my grandparents and great-grandparents got married in (which I didn’t know until after we picked it). But it’s not currently being used as a church, there is no congregation, and more importantly there is no need to include God in the ceremony.
Post # 16
I’m not really religious, but I don’t know that I would consider myself to be agnostic, but FH is more on the Christian side. When we got engaged, his only request was that we get married in a church because it was important to him and his family. I agreed to do so. I figured that I could do this one thing for him, and for his family, since they have been so wonderful to me.