Any other bees from small families finding it hard to adjust to a big one?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Aw you’re not on a blacklist!!! Just later than a lot of bees seem to be online. 

I don’t have much to say other than I feel like I would have trouble adjusting to that too.  FI technically comes from a large family but was adopted, so he knows his birth family but isn’t close with them so it isn’t an issue.  As far as what to do, honestly, I’d give up a bit with them.  I wouldn’t try to bring up wedding-related details when things like pregnancy are going on.  Yeah it sucks, and it’s different from your family, but you still have your family.  *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My family is less than half the size of his, so I understand. I don’t like crowds and their gatherings can overwhelming!

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My family is less than half the size of his, so I understand. I don’t like crowds and their gatherings can overwhelming!

Post # 7
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Ruby-Redshoes:  Everyone has their moments. Instead of feeling insignificant, why don’t you get in there and celebrate with them? That way, when it’s your turn to share news, they will do the same!

I’m an only child and it took me a while to get used to FH’s big family too. There were so many of them and I felt shy about being all nice to everyone since I didn’t have much to contribute. I can see how you have the “it must be something wrong with me” syndrome (just by your second comment on this thread) but I promise you – it’s not you! You just let time do its thing 🙂 

Also, you’re not on a blacklist! 😛 It’s just that the time a post is published has a lot to do with how many responses it gets. That’s all! 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Ruby-Redshoes:  I have 3 brothers and a sister. My parents have lots of siblings too, and our family is just entirely huge. FI has the smallest little family, so our situation is a bit of reversal from yours. FI actually loves being a part of a huge family. He has become very close with my brothers and he is so happy to have them.

You get access to a huge support network that only children don’t have, and the grandparents love to give attention to all grandkids, all the time. I admit, you do have to SPEAK UP to be heard because you can get easily drowned out. It comes with time and adjustment. I have a huge personality to make sure that I can be heard over the boys. We are all so close that I would be equally happy to celebrate someone’s wedding choices and someone else’s pregnancy.

Just jump in – get involved, be a part of the family. Now I do sound like I’m in the mafia, lol.

Post # 9
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Ruby-Redshoes:  I totally know how you feel. Before DH, it was just my mom, my sister and I. Very, very little extended family as well. Then, DH has two brothers, 12 uncles and aunts, and thousands of cousins (OK, an exaggeration, but not by much). It’s weird, and I hate how every time we’re walking downtown we see one of his family members! It’s an added inconvenience that his family basically owns the city we live in, so every business or program in our city has “MyNewLastName Enterprises” or “MyNewLastName Dairy” or “MyNewLastName Field”. It’s been such a huge adjustment, and everyone’s always all up in my business!

Post # 10
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Mimoza:  Everyone has their moments. Instead of feeling insignificant, why don’t you get in there and celebrate with them? That way, when it’s your turn to share news, they will do the same!

This is great advice.

I’m not sure that I would call my family small, but there are a LOT less of us than my FI’s family. It DID take a while to get used to, since I was going from 15 person family gatherings to 30+, but I made the adjustment okay. You really do have to get in there. I had to get used to everyone hugging and joking and drinking and staying up until 3AM, random breakouts of wrestling, board games, card games, etc. It’s crazy, but it does get fun and there are a billion people everywhere and always something to do.

Post # 11
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FI and I keep to ourselves mostly and I have a super small family so I think he was relieved over that.  He has a mid size family and we usually get together for holidays but everyone is mostly just content to do their own thing.  I think we kind of lucked out, not to say we don’t love each other’s families but we aren’t a “spend every weekend with the fam” type people.

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Ruby-Redshoes:  How big is this family you speak of? How many sibs does FI have? I have 3 other sibs and I have never felt ignored. Still plenty of attention. Now with the grandchildren, same thing. Lots of love and joy to share and spread. Maybe it’s more of a dynamics issue than a size issue.

Post # 13
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s a great experience to grow up with a lot of cousins to play with!  I never lacked for one-on-one time with my grandparents, either.

Post # 15
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m from a big family (13 siblings plus mom and dad) and FI is the youngest of 3.  However, I think I have the harder time adjusting to his family than he is to mine, well actually just his siblings.  I don’t know what it is between his older brother and sister but they’re always trying to outdo each other.  His sister acts like the world revolves around her, always trying to get some kind of attention.  That’s just a little too much for me.  

I think what FI has a harder time adjusting to in my family is not so much the lack of attention, but the constant noise level.  I still have a lot of younger siblings, all girls, and there is not a quiet moment at my parent’s house.  

Post # 16
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i have a very small family and can’t wait to marry into my FI’s large family.

i always wanted to be a part of something larger.

i love that everyone comes together for good times and bad times.

yes, there are more milestones this way and maybe an individual can get a little lost, but i can’t wait to be part of that.

 

 

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