Any other bees hurt by all the judgemental comments reg young/quick engagements?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@MsChandler:  I didn’t have a quick engagement and I am not super young, but honestly, I think you have to take what strangers say on the internet with a grain of salt.

1) Opinions were asked for and people gave them.

2) The comments were general and not directed specifically at you or anyone else.

3) If you are confident in your decision and your relationship, why would their comments bother you? 

People say some harsh stuff online, it’s a fact. But how you interpret and deal with it is is up to you.

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsChandler:  I don’t care what others do with their lives but personally I have a hard time wrapping my head around getting married so fast! However, I am sure people have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea of getting engaged in high school and getting married at the start of your second year n community college. 

Someone who is 40 but got married within a few months after meeting their spouse might think I am nuts for having been married so young and vice versa I think they are nuts for getting married so fast. 

I assume it has more to do with a lack of understanding of the others situation 

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bmo88:  +1 

it is the internet 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bmo88:  Exactly.

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MsChandler:  I’m really happy you posted this because a previously post today made me furious when looking at the poll percentages. All I wanted to do was scream “maybe you’re all the weirdos for taking so damn long to figure out what you wanted?!!!!!!!” But I kept my poise up until now on here.

Its no ones business how dang long your relationship has been before marriage and I think that it’s horrible some people have the audacity to judge another couples love based on time. I’m not sitting here judging your five year relationship with no future engagement so stay the hell out of mine right?

Iin the end all I’m saying is, we all love differently. Some of us love hard and fast, some love gentle and carefully. Until you’ve walked a day I’m my relationship, you can stay the hell out. 

Post # 8
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I get hurt sometimes about the comments about young brides, and I can certainly understand getting hurt about the getting married quickly comments! FI and I were friends for a year before we became a couple, and didn’t get engaged until our 3rd anniversary, will probably have been together 7 or 8 years by the time we finally get married. BUT I knew very early on in our relationship (the first couple of months) that he was the right one for me. Lucky you for knowing so soon and being able to get married in that space of time! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think a lot of people ‘judge’ simply because it’s just hard to understand.

For me, it’s hard to imagine marrying someone after knowing them for less than a year, simply because it was really important to me that there were no big ‘surprises’ that I was going to find out about after I was already stuck with this man for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, my aunt and uncle got married after knowing each other for only 4 months, and 25 years later they are still together and happy.

But I think I do understand on some level. DH says he knew I was ‘the one’ after we’d been together for 3 months. I was probably pretty sure he would be my husband after we’d been together 6 months. We just weren’t ready to be married at the time, period.

Even though we had been together nearly 5 years by the time we got married, we still get a LOT of judgement from the oustide (and even from some of his distant/extended family) for getting married so young; I was 21 and he was 22. People who don’t know us don’t really care how long we’ve been together or how well we know each other, they are convinced that because we are not at least 24/25 that we are going to change and fall out of love and regret getting married and end up divorced.

I don’t really lose any sleep over it. I just chalk it up to the fact that they don’t know us very well. Nobody understands your relationship like you and your FI understand your relationship, so I’d try not to let it bug you too much.

Post # 10
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@bmo88:  3) If you are confident in your decision and your relationship, why would their comments bother you?


I feel like these sorts of comments aren’t very nice nor are they accurate.  When you do something sort of counter-cultural, it is hurtful when others constantly drag you down.  Even IF you’re confident in your decisions, having people say things like, in this situation, that a couple who marries quick are immature or not prepared for marriage IS hurtful.  But I agree with your other two points.

 

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

DH and I married after one year of dating. Although, we knew each other for five. So many people thought that we were marrying too soon. I’ve always felt that it should not take years to know rather or not you want to spend your life with someone. I felt that a year was perfect for us. 

 

I never felt that you should put a time limit on love. My cousin married his wife after three months of dating. They just celebrated their 1 year anniversary.

 

My advice is to be secure in your decision. Rather you wait five months or five years….you will always have critics. If you feel content, just be happy with your FI. In the end, that is all that matters.

 

Post # 12
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bmo88:  +1. You said everything I was going to say.

Post # 13
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@beekiss:  +1

Even if you are 100% sure and proud of your decision, hurtful comments like that won’t make you question your decision usually, but they still hurt like hell, even if they weren’t directed specifically at you!

Post # 14
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Jacqui90:  If they were a couple of random comments in a thread about something else, then yeah I can understand getting emotional about it. However, the thread in question specifically asked for people’s opinions on quick engagements. If it’s something that you know is going to affect you negatively, why click on the thread? People should be free to give their opinions especially when said opinions are requested and stated in a general way.

Post # 15
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@HisMoon:  Of course they are free to give their opinions. And often we click on threads because we have an answer to the question ourselves. We are free to feel hurt by things said, just as we are free to give our opinions 🙂

Post # 16
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Nah, I’m not hurt by people judging me. I’m living my life — not them. The only person I need to impress is my family, not faceless people on the internet who have no idea who I am, my life, my relationship or why I do things I do. I don’t need strangers to validate me, nor do I let their words hurt me.

I’m secure in myself and I love my husband more than there are words. That’s all that matters to me.

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