Post # 1
I’m very fortunate that I have a pretty good career. I don’t love it but I’ve always been satisfied with it. There are a few downsides to it like the fact that it can be pretty demanding and have a moderate to high stress level (depending on the time of the year). Overall, though, the good totally outweighs the bad and I’m very thankful for my position.
I currently make more than Fiance and its never been an issue. Our incomes just go in “the pot,” as we call it, and we pay bills and take care of our needs/wants out of that. The issue is that FI’s job may be eliminated. It’s totally up in the air now and it will most likely be 2 or 3 months before we know for certain one way or the other. It really sucks because, unlike me, Fiance loves his job and because it’s gotten me pretty stressed out about our income. Truthfully, we can afford to cover all of our necessary expenses and a few unnecessary ones with my salary alone so although the idea of such a significant cut in our household income is scary, it’s not terrifying if that makes sense.
Here’s the thing, though…suddenly I feel a little trapped by the idea of being the primary “bread winner.” I’m feeling a lot of pressure. I guess its because the reason that I don’t love my job is that I’ve always wanted to have a creative career. I’ve always dreamed of being a writer and having the flexibility of a career that allows me to travel and be creative. It’s not that I haven’t had some small successes but, truth be told, between a demanding job that comsumes at least 50 hours a week, a small child, a Fiance, a house to maintain, animals to tend to, etc, etc, etc… life has sorta just gotten in the way of my dream. I don’t mean to make it sound like Fiance doesn’t pull his weight around the house. He more than does. I guess I’m just a little spooked by the big responsibility.
Anyone else feel this way? Or anyone think I’m just being silly?
Post # 3
Right now, I’m the primary “bread-winnder” so to speak, because I’m working full-time, and my husband has a few part-time jobs while he searches for something full-time. This arrangement works for us now, but it’s definitely not permanent, and while we’re doing fine, it’s not our ideal situation.
So I guess I agree that for us, we’re more comfortable when both partners are have stable work; who makes more doesn’t matter though.
Post # 4
I am the breadwinner and in my field, I am really at the bottom and I have the education and the qualifactions to advance continually. Darling Husband is currently seasonally employed in his dream job. It will eventually be year-round and this is really the only way for him to get into the field. There isn’t much room for advancement though.
Basically, if we want to move up in the world (lol) the pressure is on me to get promoted and bring home the bacon. I feel it a lot and it freaks me out.
Darling Husband has also been weighing dream job v. more $ at an OK job. As much as I want to be financially secure, I feel tremendous giult over him giving up on his dream. It’s hard.
This makes having children highly inconvenient. I wish Darling Husband could have the kids!
Post # 5
@SarahSmilesDec28: My husband and I have wrestled with this, too. We both ended up choosing “dream job” over “more $.” We’re both drawn to fields that aren’t quite as lucrative, but to us, happiness is more important. Sure, it’d be nice to have the extra $$$, but I don’t know if the money could make me happy with a job I hated.
Post # 6
I don’t think your silly. I am the bread winner in our household as well. I am college-educated (3 degrees!) with plans to advance on to my Masters and PhD. Fiance has not completed college which is an issue with me as I feel it really works against you, especially in his career field, and especially in my area of the country. I don’t mind making more than him, but I would prefer if we were closer together in payscale…
Post # 7
I am the primary bread winner as my hubby does not work at all ( with the excetion of odd jobs here and there) because he is a full time nursing student ( all day 5 days per week). I do understand the pressure that you feel (i work two jobs so that he can focus on his schooling), but just think, he could not work at all like mine! He will work when he gets done with school but until then it’s only me. And my job isn’t exactly a 6 digit salary or anything.
I also do not have a child, but I do have a house to keep up with, a dog, and two jobs. I always wanted to be a housewife (i know, i know) and right now what i’m doing is the exact opposite of that so I also understand the feeling of working so hard at something that isn’t exactly what you thought you’d be doing. But you just have to hang in there and see what life has is store for you… you never know, one day your Fiance may start making enough $$ that you can take a job doing what you love even if it is less pay. Hope this helped a little!
Post # 8
I am the primary breadwinner. I pay the mortgage, buy all the food, and pay all the bill except for the electric, satellite TV (I do not watch TV) and the cell phone bills. I have a good job and good pay.
On the one hand, I understand that I make more money and more able to pay the bills. That I do not mind. However, I do believe that there is even more reason to share the upkeep of the home. just because I possess an uterus does not mean that I am responsible for the bulk of the household chores. This is the current issue we are working on.
Post # 9
I don’t think you’re being silly. Fiance and I both work full time, but when he starts medical school in August, no only will I be the primary bread-winner…I’ll be the ONLY bread-winner until he graduates and starts a residency. I have a good job now–not super high paying, per se, but I like it and it’s stable. It allows me to be comfortable and pay for things I need, and even some things I want! We have to move, so knowing that I have to start over somewhere is terrifying. Knowing that finances and income is going to rest on my shoulders is terrifying. We’ll have loans, but it’s not like we have loans, so I dont’ have to work. I understand feeling trapped; for me, I do get scared of what it would feel like to always be the primary bread winner (I havea couple of friends appear taht they will ALWAYS be the primary or only breadwinner for various reasons), but I know for our situation, I’m making this sacrafice and taking on this “burden” for him to pursue his dreams, and it is only temporary. Not to say that when he becomes an attending physician, I’ll just quit working even if we don’t have kids. I will always work even if I don’t have to, especially if we don’t have kids (which we likely won’t). We’ve talkeda bout it and he is fully in support of me taking advantage of his future ability to provide completely for both of us by volunteering for various organizations that I don’t have time for now. I want to learn to train service dogs, and be a foster home for Lab Rescue of NC.
It’s defintely scary knowing he can’t work while he’s in school. But in 7 years, it will have MORE than paid off.
Post # 10
I’m not the primary breadwinner, but Darling Husband and I make the same salary so I definitely feel a lot of pressure like some of you are describing. We couldn’t afford our mortgage and maintenance plus living expenses on just one salary so there’s no possibility of me eventually staying home. Just knowing it isn’t an option makes me feel stressed when I think about how our lives will be when we eventually have kids.
Post # 11
Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate the support! I guess I’m just freaked out that he may be laid off, which I’m sure most people would be. I know that it’ll all work out in the end and we just sorta have to ride it out until then.
In the mean time, any prayers or positive thoughts or whatever else is your thing would be really appreciated! Like I said, Fiance loves his job and I would really hate for him to have to give that up.
Thanks again, ladies!
Post # 12
@Gemstone: Until one of us starts making a lot more money, we can’t afford to buy a house or have kids. So I guess it is deciding which is more important and if he is willing to wait 3-4 for either of these things to happen. We are both turing 29 this year, so we have time, but not unlimited time, ya know?
Sometimes I get a bit resentful, because while my job is *ok*, it certainly isn’t my dream job (although, I don’t even know what that would be!) I feel a bit like I am sacrificing so that he can live his dream.
And FWIW, his dream job isn’t some crazy out-there thing, he is a Forest Ranger for the provincial government. It just starts out casual/seasonal and goes to full-time, so a solid mid-level government career. There are a few research and management positions, but mostly you are born a Ranger and die a Ranger.
Post # 13
I’m the only bread winner in our house because my husband was laid off over a year ago. It’s been stressful because I do HATE my job, like cry multiple times a week bad. Since my husband just entered grad school for his PhD, I’ll be the only income for years to come. We’re making it work though, but I was freaked out when it first happened.