Post # 1
Today I was talking to my mum for our weekly coffee. Out of nowhere she asked me if me and SO have talked about kids. We have been together for more than 2 years, so I said “yes we have, since I will be 22 when we are married I was hoping we might have a kid or start trying when I am about 23 or 24”.
Let me just say, SHE FLIPPED.
“23?? No, you are both way too young. I didn’t have your brother until I was 25 and even that was too early. You should wait until 28 at least!”
Ummm. So that was the end of the conversation! Any other bees want to have children young, or am I kinda crazy?
*Please note that I don’t think that having kids later in life is bad, I just have always wanted to start a family young. I have a bowel condition and enflamed left ovary so I want to make sure I can have kids when the time comes.
Post # 3
I’m 25 now , married and personally for us we are no way near ready for kids. Too much livin to do!!! We’re travelling next year, want to buy another house, want to be able to live our youth while we can, and be more financially stable. Once u have kids you have them forever! What’s the rush? That’s my take on it, but there will be plenty of people who will be feeling the same way you are. Just gotta do what’s right for u I guess!!its your life!
Post # 4
I agree. I’ll be 22 when we get married, FI will be 25 or 26 depending on which month we choose. I don’t want to wait too long after that to start considering kids (1-2 years).
I definitely don’t want to be in my 30s and thinking about it. You know, it works for some, but I want to do it this way. I’d want a kid before I hit 25 ideally (and then I’d stop at one and be done, lol).
PS. You’re somewhat likely to get snarky comments about young parents/young marriage on here, so good luck!
Post # 5
I very clearly remember thinking that mid-20s would be the perfect time to start a family. Let’s just say… the few years leading up to the two-five have put a lot into perspective for me and I am glad to wait a few years more.
However, I have a few friends who were mothers by 25, and while they seem to all say that in retrospect they would have waited a little longer, they are terriffic parents.
Post # 6
Your crazy…….. Hahaha just kidding. Everyone is different so its hard for everyone else to say. I personally couldn’t think of anything worse that having a baby right now. I’m 23 and my husband is 25, we are nowhere close to having children, not because I don’t love kids, only because I love myself and my husband too much to end this life we currently have together. We are financially stable and own two homes (one as an investment) and earn great money but i still feel we aren’t financially ready yet. If we have gotten this far together after only 2 years of marriage imagine how far we can get if we wait till say 28. Once you have babies you will forever be a parent and you can never get this part of your life back again. I KNOW my husband and I will have kids one day, so there is no rush for me to have them since know it will happen in 5 years or so. I want to travel and save more money and get further in my career and just enjoy my husband and our freedom. Then again I have nothing against people having kids young. I don’t understand their desire but good for them.
Post # 7
When I was younger I’d hoped that I’d have my first kid by age 25. Well I’m now 25 and a half 😉 lol and have fur babies, but no human babies. I think you and your SO do what is right for you and not worry about anyone else.
Post # 8
I just turned 24 & my partner is 23, and we TTC. We probably would have waited a few more years but I found out I have polycystic ovaries and there is a risk of infertility, so the earlier the better. We both feel totally ready anyway (well, as ready as we ever will!)
In saying that, we’re pretty boring people and hardly ever go out…
Post # 9
Yes! Ideally I would like to start trying by at least 24 and/or have a child before 25. This is compacted by my SO’s age – 9 years older, and the fact that many women in my family have had issues with TTC.
We are very close to being settled though. Do not wish to do very much travelling out of the country, already fortunate enough to have a house, etc. If we were not this settled then I would not be thinking about it and I had never said “oh I want a kid before I’m 24” but that’s just how things have worked out.
Post # 10
Personally, I’m 31 now and still not ready for kids, I’m thinking about 35. On the other side though, my aunt had her first child after she married at 19 and my cousin had her son when she was 18. Both of them were great parents and the advantage of having them young is that you’re not really old by the time they grow up.
So not for me, but young people can be very good parents so if you want them young I don’t see a problem with that.
Post # 11
I used to think I wanted kids in my early-mid 20s, but now I’m getting closer to getting that (ie – getting married) I’m freaking out a little. I would LOVE children but the thought of having one now (27) makes me a liiiiiiiitle bit scared!
Post # 12
Yep. I wanted to meet the man of my dreams and have kids young, around 23-28 would have been great……Unfortunatly I didnt even know my FI existed till I was 27 and will be 31 when we get married. I dont think your crazy, I think if you want it, and you are in a position to offer a good home to your kids, then you should take the opportunity you have been given.
Post # 13
I really think starting a family is all about when you feel ready to take the next step.
Or i our case enbracing the next step put infront of you. I was 20 when I fell pregnant, 21 when our son was born. Im now 27 now and I have done a lot of ‘growing up’ these past few years just in myself not because Im a mum. So i can see were every one is coming from saying early 20’s is to young but honestly i matured as a person being a mum or not made no difference. My friends have gone off traveling and got big friend groups that we are not in touch with so much anymore because we dont have the time or free cash to join in. But we have a family and i personally love being a home mummy. Having our son younger means that when i work again i can start a career if i want, without thinking im going to need a career break to have a family. Though we planned on not starting a family till i was 23-24 ish thats still young to most people but i just seemed right to us not to wait the extra years.
Some of our friends are just starting to start families and going though the sleepless nights and ups and downs, some have no plans for years to come. I like the thought that we are 6years+ on sleepless nights and can start to think about planning to travel with our son and he is old enough to leave with family now is really nice to have us time. We both moved out of home at 16-17 so though 21 may sound young we had grown up alot more then our friends around us at the time.
The best advice i can give is trust yourself . When you both think your ready go for it.
There is no real need to thinking of yourself being a set age to do things within your life.
Post # 14
All through high school and up until I was about 23 I thought I wanted to have at least one child by 25. Then when I was 23 I spent two months backpacking in Australia and had the TIME OF MY LIFE! In the past 5 years I’ve traveled to a ton of amazing places (Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, South Korea, South African, Ireland, etc…) and I know that if I’d had kids I never would have had the time/money/energy to do those things. My SO and I want to spend a year teaching English in China next year, so it looks like I’ll be at least 30 before kids now, and I’m fine with that! And unlike your mom, my parents desperately want grandchildren! They’ll just have to wait, I have some pre-baby life yet to live!
Post # 15
It really just depends on what your personal goals are. I don’t consider anyone crazy for having kids early or waiting until they are 40. It really just depends on what you want with your life.
As for me, I turned 21 on the 11th, SO turns 28 on July 27th. We are 4 months away from the wedding and if I had it my way I would have kids in the next six months. However, that is not feasible and SO is not as baby crazy as I am. I think he would be fine never having kids if I wanted to haha. He told me that we would really talk about it when he turns 30 because he wants us to be financially stable and for us to have time together.
Am I the only one that has young neices/nephews and has an irrational fear that by the time I have my own kids they will be that kid the other cousins don’t want to hang out with because of the age gap?
Post # 16
@echapman: Ah, I can comment on that bit personally. My older siblings and cousins are all at least five years older than me, and yes, there was a period growing up where I was very lonely. They were all moving out, going drinking, and I was just this spotty, lanky teenager who couldn’t do ANYTHING. I got left out of a lot of things because of my age and didn’t have a close bond with any of them. But now I’m grown up, I feel much better. I don’t feel left out any more, and I’ve learned that it was never personal.
So it’s not an entirely irrational fear, but it’s not worth worrying over. Sure, it happens, but it levels out pretty well.