Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
I’ve been engaged for 5 months, and my wedding is planned for October 2015. It’s a ways away, but the fiance and I needed the extra time to plan and save $ as we are funding this all on our own.
My close friends are very excited for us, and my MOH has been very supportive in descision-making and being there for me emotionally.
However, my fiance’s family and my family, there isn’t near as much support. My mom’s side is out of my life due to previous mental illness and subtance abuse (on their parts), and my dad’s side has various feuding members and I’m not particularly close to even my dad. Even my grandmother has been very quiet about it. As one of only two other women in my family, and me being her only granddaughter, I thought at least she would be more exctied.
As for my fiance’s side, the only thing that has come up is my FMIL having a fit when we said we couldn’t afford to have the 20-something extra people SHE wanted us to invite. I guess I’m just a little sad that my family and my FUTURE family, the people who are supposed to be my biggest advocates, either don’t seem excited, or don’t want to help or don’t seem to care. I realize people have their own lives, but (this is getting kind of personal here), the ONE TIME it’s supposed to be about ME, I’m still shoved off to the side. I thought this would be a nice excuse for everyone to ignore all the family drama for once and focus on something happy.
I’m not trying to make this about “me me me me ME”, but when you’ve gone your entire life and it’s NEVER been about you, you’d think the single most important day of your adult life sans the birth of your first child would get some people talking?? Am I being selfish here??
Post # 2
Megbee617: selfish, no. Unreasonable, yes. A leopard doesn’t change its spots.
I’m planning without input from either family but I didn’t hope for it or expect it. So I can’t be disappointed.
Just keep doing you. If no one helps, they get no input. It’s fun that way.
Post # 3
I got remarried, but I planned it without input from either side. Honestly, no one in the world will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI, and that is ok!
Post # 4
Awww sorry you are having a difficult time!! Weddings can really bring the best or worst in people and situations. It’s suppose to be a happy occasion but it can be the worst time of your life with planning.
You’re not being selfish. I understand the whole thing about the wedding being about you and your fiance and of course it’s nice to feel special once in a while. That being said though, some people are just not into weddings. They could be happy for you but with the way life is (it’s a real bitch LOL), sometimes when it comes to weddings you have to fend for yourself and you have to be prepared for it. You have to be prepared in planning a wedding all by yourself in case things like this happens where people are just not that interested in it. That’s kinda what I’m doing. My FH and I tried hard to save as much money as we can so that we don’t have to depend on anyone when it comes to costs. It’s not easy of course. We saved up enough money for certain things but I guess we are lucky in a sense that my family is helping so it’s not near impossible to pay for everything but we had that initial mentality that we cannot depend on other people just because they say they will help. Things happen and sometimes, things don’t go as planned.
Don’t worry about them then if they don’t want to do much. That gives you some power then in your decisions. If they want to invite more and more people, you have the power to say, “well if you want to invite more that is out of our budget, then you have to pitch in for them” since that is what a budget is for. Be assertive. This is YOUR and YOUR FH’s DAY. Take hold of it and don’t let anyone bring you down about it.
Post # 5
I’m feeling the same way as you my dear. My parents have been super supportive and one of my future sister in laws and maybe two friends but everyone else could care less. I try to remind myself that everyone leads busy lives and what not, but when you’re the one in your group of friends & family who makes a big deal about every elses wedding and life events and noone does for you, it kind of hurts a bit. My future in laws have been absolutely shitty with this wedding too, my FI warned me that they would be and I am so hurt for my FI on how they don’t care unless it concerns them shelling out money which they have complained so much about. (and we are paying 100% for the wedding ourselves, it was regarding their trip)
I agree that noone cares as much as you do about your day – Just try to breathe, book yourself in for some massages and focus on the one’s that do care. My stress level has gone down a bit the past few weeks since I have been trying to focus on the positives.
Post # 6
I honestly think they aren’t giving you the reaction you are looking for because it is more than a year away. I bet if it was July of next year, you would have more people excited and helping.