- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So here I am, just over three months until my wedding, with anxiety through the roof about getting married. I always thought that I would have myself under control, but little did I know the amount of emotions that one really has to go through in this transformation.
I’ve picked up the book “The Conscious Bride” and it has really helped me to understand my fears and solidifies the fact that this is an important part and a rite of passage, but i still haven’t figured out how to cope with these issues.
I worry that I will fall into that “housewife” stereotype. I have never been this woman and have never wanted to be this woman. At 25, I still don’t think that I want to have children. My passion has always been in music-to write, record and perform and as I get older, those flames only glow brighter. Since I met my fiance almost three years ago (at a performance of mine, none the less), my love for him and my understanding of his passion for music finally let me make a concrete decision that I could spend the rest of my life with him. I had dated many wonderful men, but always put my passions before them, and this man made it easy to have both.
So after the wedding, we had plans to move back to his hometown to start getting serious with our music again with a few of his friends and really let nothing hold us back this time. I want nothing more than a life of music…not a career in cosmetology, not to put my college education to use, not children, nothing.
Now it seems that he has other aspirations, which is great, but now our future is uncertain because plans of moving may have been put on halt. It possibly may not happen at all.
I know that I can persue my passion on my own, and I can do it anywhere, but the fact that I have to paint my life around someone else’s decisions is becoming a rather increasingly difficult task for me. I’ve always done what I wanted on my own terms and while I understand that marriage is about partnership, communication and ultimately compromise, I still find myself pushing back.
Anyone else have fears like these? Your stories would be greatly appreciated!