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I'm totally the disorganized one! What's worked for us was sitting down and deciding on who will do what. I totally relate to what you said about him not realizing what you do. That was one of his problems till we sat down, talked about who was already doing what and who should pick up the items that were falling through the cracks. We used to have weekly fights about this type of stuff. We haven't fought about it once since!!!
I'm messy. I'll admit it. I've lived by myself for a year and a half and my standards have dropped. I'm busy--I work full time, I'm in grad school for engineering (think 6 hours to answer one homework question...yeah...) and I'm trying to work out and stay in shape, too. I have no time for stuff! If i have the option to sit and rest for 30 minutes before bed or CLEAN, i sit and relax. And i only get to do that ocassionally.
DH just got home and is on terminal leave from the Army. He feeds my cats, he vacuums, he cleans, he bitches about how badly I load the dish washer, he does the laundry (just not MY laundry--his and the towels. he's not allowed to touch my clothes), he wipes things down with ORANGE CLEAN (I never used this unless raw food was involved lol) and playfully pokes me when I leave my dental floss on the counter in the bathroom. He reminds me when it's shower time for me (i can just sit and do homework until 11pm if i don't actively remind myself to stop at 9pm and shower and pack a lunch so i can go to bed by 1030). The other night i caught him brushing my cat...MY cat....I didn't even ask him. He just thought it needed to be done.
There is serious role reversal in this household. I'm bringing home the bacon and going to grad school and he's being my supportive housewife. It's not a bad gig, but man, it's weird....i feel like he's doing TOO MUCH when in reality, he's doing what most housewives do and what is EXPECTED of them. It's their "job"...it's very strange.
My FH is a neat-freak as well. I love it when the place is spotless, but meh, I have “more important” things to do than worry about that stack of laundry on my side of the bed!! :-)
When we started dating and I commented on his clean ways, FH said that he realizes since he is the one “with the problem” (the neat-freak), it’s up to HIM to deal with it, and not blame me because I’m not as neat. He’s held true to that, and doesn’t nag me to clean.
I actually like to vacuum, so I do that (and sweep/swiffer the wood floors), but he does the rest, except that we do our own laundry. Your FH sounds like more of a cleaner than mine, but one thing that we both like is we designated Sunday after breakfast to be the “cleaning day”. We work together (me floor duty, him everything else). It only takes about an hour to totally clean up our house, and at the end we can say that we’ve both helped.
I think we're totally the opposite in terms of chores. I am super messy and don't really care about being organized. My house drives FI crazy and I am well aware that when we live together I am goign to have to work a lot harder to keep things clean. We decided that we're going to sit down and decide who does what because we each have different things we care about. For example, I don't mind keeping the kitchen clean or making beds, dusting etc. FI HATES making the bed and has outright refused to help me any further. I hate decluttering and cleaning the bathroom, FI doesn't mind. I think the goal will be to have a plan and stick to it-- for his sake not mine :)
To continue the role reversal, I'm more handy than FI is. I can build stuff and use a saw and drill... FI once called me to find out how to hang a picture. haha.
On the other hand, I like cooking and sew as a hobby and FI can't get enough of sports. So I guess we are somewhat stereotypical too!
My FI is a TOTAL neat freak. He drives me nuts. I'm not a slob, but I'm a little cluttered and just don't feel that stuff needs to be cleaned as often as he does.
I do clean, but it never appears to be up to his freakish standards ;o) I'm pretty good at organizing stuff though (closets, cabinets etc) FI just gets frustrated and starts throwing stuff away.
Mr. KM is the clean one in this relationship, lol. I'm a bit of a... slob, really, but he doesn't mind cleaning.
Of course, he says that, and then he leaves his beer bottle on the end table.
Oh PS, my DH makes the bed EVERY SINGLE MORNING.
I think i went a month without making my bed. Seriously...why bother? you get in it at night, why does it have to look nice? LOL
Um yeah, we are totally opposite too :) I am pretty messy & my husband is much tidier. He is always getting on to me about leaving my stuff out, specifically the closet. My side is a total mess & he hates it! I tell him "its a closet who cares if its messy," but he still complains about it all the time.
It's interesting though b/c although he is tidy, i wouldn't call him a neat freak. He spills stuff on the counters & doesn't wipe it up & the bathroom sink looks horrible thanks to him. For some reason this stuff doesn't bother him, but shoes left out in the living room & a cup left out on the table drive him nutty??!!
Overall he has helped me to pick up after myself and put things back where they belong, but its sooo annoying that he talks about it everyday.
HAHA at least he doesn't make the bed every morning (although I am surprised he doesn't)...
but ya know...in all honesty after reading some of these posts - I like the idea of taking one day a week for BOTH of us to work on cleaning the house together (this might help a lot of the ONLY argument we ever have...)
course the one thing that sucks (especially in december) is that with his job as a manager of a catering business - he doesn't have a 'set schedule'...and there are saturday and sunday mornings when he'll have to go to work at 8 a.m. and may not get home til midnight...
But one of the issues with this one and only argument is that he's constantly b*tching about how I ONLY like to really clean if we have someone coming over (which yup it's true...lol)
maybe, though, this is something he and I can work on - make one day a week where we do a thourough cleaning like we normally would when someone comes over... :)
Also - thanks for all your replies - knowing i'm not the only one out there makes me feel so much better! lol
Well, I never thought I'd say this, but we're "Normal!" I do most of the cleaning. It's funny how my fiance' doesn't understand about germs and bacteria and mold...anyways - We both work and have a son, so I'm no stay at home suzie-house wife. But I do most of the cleaning because I WANT to, not because we've agreed to it or society expects it or anything!
I think we do an equal share of cleaning in the community areas with him doing more of the harder tasks (like mopping all the floors), and me doing the easier stuff (like unloading the dishwasher). He usually cleans and vaccums our room, and I do my daughter's.
I prefer when he does the cleaning because he's better at it than I am. I swear I can never get the glass top of the oven not to smudge and when he cleans it, it always looks flawless!
I think we're both tidier now that we live together than when we didn't. It's much easier to keep up the work with two people on top of it.
I'm def less organized than the FH! He is the one who does dishes, because I hate doing them. And he is usually the one who organizes the cleaning duties. And we fight about it too, lol. I do know that now that we are living together full time, I am much tidier than I used to be, but sometimes it's hard, lol. The FH doesn't realize it, but because I have so much more clothing than he does (what can I say? I'm a girl!) my laundry tends to be a bit cumbersome, lol.
I disagree that cleaning is seen as a "womanly" duty. Those days are over! Neither of us really likes to clean, but we both do a pretty good job of keeping up with the dishes. We each do our own laundry. I don't really like vacuuming or making the bed, so I usually just ask my husband to do that and he does it. Sometimes. Haha.
I agree with Mouse, I don't think I view these kinds of jobs as "womanly" by any stretch. I grew up with a single mom who did everything--from plumbing to cleaning, so I never associate gender roles with household jobs. We each do our own laundry. He cooks, I do dishes. He takes care of the cat boxes (which I hate) and vacuums. I generally clean the bathroom and mop the floors, but when we're doing a big cleaning, we split things up. I make the bed because it matters to me (I like to sleep in a made bed, he doesn't care).
We are somewhat unusual in that I'm a neat freak, but he does most of the big household chores. So I'll tidy up around the apt and get annoyed if he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor or doesn't put his jacket in the closet or something. But he does 90% of cooking, laundry, and big cleaning tasks. I used to be more active around the house, but I get so tired at my job these days that I don't have the energy. I'm really lucky to have him helping out.
i'm not as messy as i used to be, but only because if i leave things out the dog will eat it. my fi is much neater than me though. i'm not working now so i do most of the cleaning, but he still goes behind me and cleans sometimes! and we argue over who's going to clean, but the opposite of most couples. i get headaches from the chemicals so he doesn't want me to clean, he wants to do it, but i think i should do it since i'm home.
i'm the neat-freak, he's the clean freak. i need things to be in their place, he needs everything to be washed down with anti-bacterial soap. so i guess in hindsight we fit each other. lols.
i love doing the laundry and dishes. but i hate to vaccum, clean the bathrooms, sweep the floors, etc. he loves it.
he thinks i'm dirtier than he is. (i just let him think he is) :)
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Ok - you have to admit - "normally" (if there is such a thing, lol) - but "normally" most couples consist of the woman who's the one who's constantly cleaning and complaining that her s/o (male in this case) never cleans, does the dishes, does laundry, etc...
Like it or not - those things are normally seen as "womanly duties" (whether you agree with that or not)...
So my question is - how many of us women out here in bee-land are the complete opposite?
I'm not saying I'm a slob by any means - but I can be a clutter-bug and it's my husband who's CONSTANTLY on me about doing the dishes, cleaning the floors, doing the laundry...HE'S the one who DOES the laundry and the folding of clothes - and dusting and mopping...
In fact, unfortunately, this is really our ONLY fight we ever get into - he thinks I never clean (he just doesn't pay attention when I do.
)
But regardless of all that - I'm just curious - any other girls out there who's FI is the one who is the "clean freak" and YOU are the one constantly being asked to fill the dishwasher, do the dishes, do the laundry...?
I love my husband - but he's such a clean freak that he will (and does) clean the floors before going to sleep! It drives me nuts sometimes. I do like to be clean and have a clean house - but seriously when you live with someone who's constantly on you about it, it drives you to not WANT to do it...
I'm just curious!!! :D