(Closed) any other couple here…”opposite” of society? (cleaning/chores)

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

I’m totally the disorganized one!  What’s worked for us was sitting down and deciding on who will do what.  I totally relate to what you said about him not realizing what you do.  That was one of his problems till we sat down, talked about who was already doing what and who should pick up the items that were falling through the cracks.  We used to have weekly fights about this type of stuff.  We haven’t fought about it once since!!!

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m messy. I’ll admit it. I’ve lived by myself for a year and a half and my standards have dropped. I’m busy–I work full time, I’m in grad school for engineering (think 6 hours to answer one homework question…yeah…) and I’m trying to work out and stay in shape, too. I have no time for stuff! If i have the option to sit and rest for 30 minutes before bed or CLEAN, i sit and relax. And i only get to do that ocassionally.

DH just got home and is on terminal leave from the Army. He feeds my cats, he vacuums, he cleans, he bitches about how badly I load the dish washer, he does the laundry (just not MY laundry–his and the towels. he’s not allowed to touch my clothes), he wipes things down with ORANGE CLEAN (I never used this unless raw food was involved lol) and playfully pokes me when I leave my dental floss on the counter in the bathroom. He reminds me when it’s shower time for me (i can just sit and do homework until 11pm if i don’t actively remind myself to stop at 9pm and shower and pack a lunch so i can go to bed by 1030). The other night i caught him brushing my cat…MY cat….I didn’t even ask him. He just thought it needed to be done.

There is serious role reversal in this household. I’m bringing home the bacon and going to grad school and he’s being my supportive housewife. It’s not a bad gig, but man, it’s weird….i feel like he’s doing TOO MUCH when in reality, he’s doing what most housewives do and what is EXPECTED of them. It’s their “job”…it’s very strange.

Post # 5
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My FH is a neat-freak as well. I love it when the place is spotless, but meh, I have “more important” things to do than worry about that stack of laundry on my side of the bed!! πŸ™‚

When we started dating and I commented on his clean ways, FH said that he realizes since he is the one “with the problem” (the neat-freak), it’s up to HIM to deal with it, and not blame me because I’m not as neat. He’s held true to that, and doesn’t nag me to clean.

I actually like to vacuum, so I do that (and sweep/swiffer the wood floors), but he does the rest, except that we do our own laundry. Your FH sounds like more of a cleaner than mine, but one thing that we both like is we designated Sunday after breakfast to be the “cleaning day”. We work together (me floor duty, him everything else). It only takes about an hour to totally clean up our house, and at the end we can say that we’ve both helped.

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think we’re totally the opposite in terms of chores. I am super messy and don’t really care about being organized. My house drives FI crazy and I am well aware that when we live together I am goign to have to work a lot harder to keep things clean. We decided that we’re going to sit down and decide who does what because we each have different things we care about. For example, I don’t mind keeping the kitchen clean or making beds, dusting etc. FI HATES making the bed and has outright refused to help me any further. I hate decluttering and cleaning the bathroom, FI doesn’t mind. I think the goal will be to have a plan and stick to it– for his sake not mine πŸ™‚

To continue the role reversal, I’m more handy than FI is. I can build stuff and use a saw and drill… FI once called me to find out how to hang a picture. haha.

On the other hand, I like cooking and sew as a hobby and FI can’t get enough of sports. So I guess we are somewhat stereotypical too!

Post # 7
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FI is a TOTAL neat freak.  He drives me nuts.  I’m not a slob, but I’m a little cluttered and just don’t feel that stuff needs to be cleaned as often as he does.

I do clean, but it never appears to be up to his freakish standards ;o)  I’m pretty good at organizing stuff though (closets, cabinets etc)  FI just gets frustrated and starts throwing stuff away.

Post # 8
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Mr. KM is the clean one in this relationship, lol. I’m a bit of a… slob, really, but he doesn’t mind cleaning.

Of course, he says that, and then he leaves his beer bottle on the end table.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh PS, my DH makes the bed EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

I think i went a month without making my bed. Seriously…why bother? you get in it at night, why does it have to look nice? LOL

Post # 10
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Um yeah, we are totally opposite too πŸ™‚ I am pretty messy & my husband is much tidier. He is always getting on to me about leaving my stuff out, specifically the closet. My side is a total mess & he hates it! I tell him “its a closet who cares if its messy,” but he still complains about it all the time.

It’s interesting though b/c although he is tidy, i wouldn’t call him a neat freak. He spills stuff on the counters & doesn’t wipe it up & the bathroom sink looks horrible thanks to him. For some reason this stuff doesn’t bother him, but shoes left out in the living room & a cup left out on the table drive him nutty??!!

Overall he has helped me to pick up after myself and put things back where they belong, but its sooo annoying that he talks about it everyday.

Post # 12
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well, I never thought I’d say this, but we’re “Normal!” I do most of the cleaning. It’s funny how my fiance’ doesn’t understand about germs and bacteria and mold…anyways – We both work and have a son, so I’m no stay at home suzie-house wife. But I do most of the cleaning because I WANT to, not because we’ve agreed to it or society expects it or anything!

Post # 13
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think we do an equal share of cleaning in the community areas with him doing more of the harder tasks (like mopping all the floors), and me doing the easier stuff (like unloading the dishwasher). He usually cleans and vaccums our room, and I do my daughter’s.

I prefer when he does the cleaning because he’s better at it than I am. I swear I can never get the glass top of the oven not to smudge and when he cleans it, it always looks flawless!

I think we’re both tidier now that we live together than when we didn’t. It’s much easier to keep up the work with two people on top of it.

Post # 14
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m def less organized than the FH!  He is the one who does dishes, because I hate doing them.  And he is usually the one who organizes the cleaning duties.  And we fight about it too, lol.  I do know that now that we are living together full time, I am much tidier than I used to be, but sometimes it’s hard, lol.  The FH doesn’t realize it, but because I have so much more clothing than he does (what can I say?  I’m a girl!) my laundry tends to be a bit cumbersome, lol. 

Post # 15
Bee
13686 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I disagree that cleaning is seen as a “womanly” duty.  Those days are over!  Neither of us really likes to clean, but we both do a pretty good job of keeping up with the dishes.  We each do our own laundry.  I don’t really like vacuuming or making the bed, so I usually just ask my husband to do that and he does it.  Sometimes.  Haha.

Post # 16
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Mouse, I don’t think I view these kinds of jobs as “womanly” by any stretch.  I grew up with a single mom who did everything–from plumbing to cleaning, so I never associate gender roles with household jobs.  We each do our own laundry.  He cooks, I do dishes.  He takes care of the cat boxes (which I hate) and vacuums.  I generally clean the bathroom and mop the floors, but when we’re doing a big cleaning, we split things up.  I make the bed because it matters to me (I like to sleep in a made bed, he doesn’t care).

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