(Closed) Any other East Asian bride or groom NOT doing a tea ceremony?

posted 6 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We didn’t do it because I didn’t want to wake up at the crack of dawn to have it. And then have a long break before it was time for the American ceremony. Tea ceremonies are always in the early mornings for better luck? in my culture. 

No one cared that we didn’t have one. My sister who got married years before me asked my dad if he wanted her to have one his response was “why? i don’t want to watch other people drink tea for hours”. LOL. So I didn’t even bother asking my parents if they wanted me to do it or not. 

Post # 5
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m not doing one but 1) my family isn’t very traditional anyway and 2) my Fiance isn’t of Asian descent. I haven’t gotten flack from anyone for not doing it, but we don’t have very many family members there and none of my vendors are of Asian descent. The only thing I’ve gotten flack for from my family would be that my dress has a black sash, of all things, and it doesn’t look “wedding-y” enough. That being said, they’ve gotten over it now that it’s been more than a year since I’ve bought the dress.

Post # 6
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not doing one! It would feel kinda silly and not really “real” to me. I don’t think any of my family will care. 

Post # 7
23636 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I didn’t do one! And nobody asked, honestly. At least nobody asked me. Not sure if my mother got this question..

Post # 8
9 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m not doing one either! We’re not that traditional and it’s one less thing we have to worry about.

Post # 9
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

When I ask about it to my Darling Husband, he said, it was ok with him and his parents if we didn’t do it because he is not “that” traditional.  

I didn’t do a Paebaek (Korean Traditional bowing ceremony) because both of my parents passed away.

My Darling Husband prefer me to not wear chi pao/hanbok as well.

Post # 10
803 posts
Busy bee

I’m not planning on doing one. If circumstances were different (marrying an Asian groom from a traditional family), I might have considered it but my family has never brought it up, and his wouldn’t (even though his mom is Chinese, she doesn’t know many traditions). Not to mention that I would feel intensely uncomfortable kneeling in front of his parents – every time his dad speaks to me, I feel like he is addressing “you, oh Asian incubator of my future grandbabies”. I generally like to avoid interaction with him in general.

Post # 11
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your wedding, your rules!

There is only one person you should care is your mom, and she doesn’t want it and neither you too. So what’s the point to have that ‘show’?

I don’t think you should listen to soneone who is none of their business. Just go ahead with what you wantWink

Post # 12
7 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are still deciding.  We rather not do it but my mom is a little effy on it.  I am trying to persuade her that it is too much trouble for us but she keeps persisting that it is better for her appearance -_-.  She said she doesn’t want people to think that I am marrying some guy that does not want to offer gifts and blah blah blah.

Post # 13
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I say do what you want.  We actually did one and it was a little weird.  I’m white as white can get – he’s the Taiwanese one.  His mother hinted that she thought it was important so we included it.  Our Asian guests included his parents, his brother, his brother’s (Chinese) wife, and… that’s it (most of his family is still in Taiwan – his parents have large families but are the only ones to move to the US).  My brother had to google it to explain it to the rest of our guests.  🙂


You could always do it privately at home before the ceremony, or in another room of the venue beforehand.  Do first look, tea ceremony with close family, pictures, then wedding.  That’s more tradional, anyway.  Then your parents could tell everyone that they did it earlier but you wouldn’t have to suffer in front of everyone.  We only had 40 people there so it was no big deal to take 5 minutes to pour some tea.  Plus there was cash in those red evelopes!!

Post # 14
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Eh. Not having it. My family aren’t uber traditionalists and I’ve never been to a wedding the featured one. Even though my FI’s family is also Chinese, they don’t seem to be demanding this, and his brothers (who are both married) didn’t have to do it either.

Post # 15
111 posts
Blushing bee

Unless your families are very traditional, from my experience, very few second generation US born Asians have tea ceremonies now. Sometimes, it’s viewed as a way to extract more cash gifts from relatives.

Post # 16
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

we are not having one.. both of our families are not very traditional so it is ok…my mom already told me not to expect gold cuffs and necklaces from her lols..

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