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Thankfully I haven't had too much of this to deal with - I'm sure it's rather frustrating!
You know... I have to laugh...I've been planning my wedding for over a year and now I'm getting married in 2 weeks. Until today I never knew i was an "encore bride" or that there were any negative conotations to being so.
My thoughts: A Bride is a Bride!... have a wonderful day no matter what!
My MOH reminded me of the "donkey story" when I told her this. You just can't please everyone and shouldn't try! I'm going to forget my encore status with the rest of the planning!
I think they're poop anyways and I'm not an encore bride! Poop on the encore rules!
Those who know me are aware I am up on etiquette. I've also never seen any information out there as how I should behave, what I should do, wear, etc as it's outdated imho regarding some of the notions people once held for second or subsequent weddings. I mean, let's face it..the day of wearing an ugly suit and corsage and having a justice of the peace is no longer the norm for an encore bride.
As far as I know there is not a definitive book on encore brides, but we have here and I started my blog b/c of the sheer lack of information out there for the encore bride. However, today with the statistics, unfortunately there are tons of us out there and some of the old rules simply do not apply. But I'm not doing the veil thing and probably not going for the white or totally white gown b/c I simply don't look good imho in white, but it's not because of etiquette that I'm not going to be wearing white.
There is NOT any negativity in being an encore bride at all imho. I embrace it and think it's fantastic b/c I have a bit more "creative license" than I did before..(only my silly opinion though). I've only encountered very positive things and those who know I'm planning are estactic! Very very happy. My family is so excited!
Things happen. In fact something very very painful happened to me and that is why I am an encore in the first place. It's not like I'm Liz Taylor taking the 10th walk down the aisle or something. I think people are supportive of you if they realize and know that sometimes life just happens. Bad things sometimes happen to good people. And that when those we love finally find real happiness in life you'd really have to be Ebenezer Scrooge to rain on that.
You are quite welcome my friend as always! I'm on your side girl! Send em' my way if they give you "stuff" k?
I will! It was just a well meaning friend. She decided first to make sure that I was aware that I shouldn't throw my own shower (of course I know that!) when I was asking her opinion on couples showers. Then she wanted to make sure that I knew that as an encore I really wasn't "supposed" to have a shower and would it be possible to not call it a shower???
She was a BM at my 1st and I think she thought she would be asked to be MOH. She hasn' planned a wedding of her own yet and I think next time she says anything I am just going to pull her aside and remind her that this is FI 1st wedding and my last wedding and to skip anymore encore etiquette!
I think your last statement is a perfect way of telling her to stick her nose out of where it doesn't belong :)
You can have 10,000 showers if you want to. Wear white. Wear green. Wear purple. Wear whatever you want. Marry whenever you want how big or how small a wedding it doesn't matter.
My sister will be MOH and my other bff will be another bm and my other bff will be the maid of honor. ALL 3 WERE IN MY WEDDING BEFORE. All of them. And none of them have been anything but thrilled. They are excited that finally they can get a dress as a bm that they will wear again and again (J crew and wearing whatever lbd in same color and fabric but can pick out their own style). And pick out their own heels..they're so over the last time and so thankful no matching dresses and shoes and updos. Giddy with happiness are these 3!
If people feel so inclined to give me a shower, great. If not, great too. But I know that there are lots who are so happy that my life is beginning anew and are glad to be a part of it!
@arizonabride... maybe your "well meaning friend" wants the 1st wedding gift back so she can regift it to you :)
Eloping, you crack me up.
That is def a thought! You could regift the wedding gift back to her as a bridesmaids gift and then the MOH could regift it back to you!
I am a wascally wabbit and love a good joke now and then.
Haha! That's hilarious!
I actually only have my MOH and no BMs so I think maybe that's part of it. We are having such a small wedding and I just wanted one person to stand with me. I chose my oldest and dearest friend that was not able to attend my DW I had before. This friend was out of the country when I set the date and I honestly did not know when she was coming back. (If I had the chance to wander Europe for months, I might not come back:-)) When she asked who my MOH was, she kind of paused and said, "Oh! I guess I'll never be one then. Cause ___ is never going to get married." I honestly thought that asking her to be involved in the wedding right after her trip would be rude. When she was my BM she traveled 3,000 miles and stayed for 6 days in the Caribbean and then also attended the reception back home 2 weeks later!
I'm shocked that there are so many etiquette rules for encores...what does it matter if you were married before??? Now I can see someone whose been married more than twice not being able to wear white or whatever, but come on now! Some people don't get it right the first time, they just needed a practice wedding to test the waters 
I think you should just tell her to stuff it, and mind her own beeswax
Haaha, not supposed to have a shower, lol. A lot of people seemed to want to let me know they they "knew" why we were goin to the courthouse. "Of course," they would say, "this isn't your first, that's right."
You know what? It could have been my first, my 5th, or my 15th and I would do it right where I wanted to do it. My first wedding had 20 guests and I wore a tan dress and there was no meal served at the early-afternoon reception. So it's not like I 'dont need all that extra stuff' this time around.
Do what you want - it's your day, and anyone who thinks they know better than you regarding what you should do on YOUR DAY? Well as MrsSl82be said... they can stuff it.
Let me post this disclaimer.
I know of NO ETIQUETTE RULES FOR ENCORES! None. Zip. Zilch.
Oh wait..except one..and that's this one..MAKE IT YOUR DAY! That's my encore bride rule and only rule!!!
Heck one cute couple I know (both encores) married each other on top of a glacier!!! It was breathtaking and simple and beautiful. I'd like to see a florist try to make an arrangement that could even come close to competing with a glacier! Their wedding attire was by R.E.I.
They're celebrating 10 years later this year and he wants to wisk her away now for an extravagant second honeymoon and do a more elaborate vow renewal (this time tropical, in a 5 star resort and with her wearing a dress!)
You can do whatever you wish!
Dang, there are rules for encores? I hate to think how they would work in my case, since my FI is a first-time bride and I'm an encore. Maybe she should wear white, and I should wear a scarlet letter, just to clarify which of us is which?
I'm doing my best to give my FI the wedding she always wanted. Sometimes, that means being more elaborate than I'd otherwise be inclined to be on my own account. However, I might have to dismember anyone who suggested that she should tone down her desires for a wedding because I have been married before.
@2dbride, lol I was just thinking that...
It's my fiance's first time too. Why should he be robbed of his wedding just because I messed up and have been married once before. Stupid ettiquette!
Wait!!! There is second wedding etiqutte? No one told me that!!! Dang and I thought that I could just be happy and do what I wanted.
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I was wondering if any one else out there is as OVER the etiquette lessons about being an encore bride? I know people mean well, but seriously! Yes, I am aware of what etiquette says and I am planning my wedding with the utmost consideration for my guests. Sometimes, I will ignore etiquette because it just doesn't mean that much in the big scheme of things. Quit reminding me of my encore status and let me enjoy my wedding planning!