Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
I recently got engaged and have no ring. Why? Well, FI and I basically share finances, and prior to the engagement he went through a bout of unemployment (his workplace shut down). We obviously don’t have much money right now and I always told him he could ask me to marry him whenever he wanted, with or without a ring. I assured him it would not matter to me, which is true.
However, I feel like a lot of people don’t think we’re really engaged because there isn’t a ring. This includes my coworkers, some of my family and some of his family – all of which insist on still calling him my boyfriend.
I know I’ll get a ring eventually and that’s all I really care about, but I hate that people aren’t recognizing this as legitimate just because I don’t yet have a rock.
Any other bees in my position?
Post # 3
@S.Elizabeth.G: I was at first, while we really decided together what was best. A ring is NOT necessary to be engaged so enjoy your engagement and don’t let anyone else detract from that. My friend was proposed to with an engraved iPod (which she requested, before anyone feels bad for her LOL).
Edited to add: and when we did buy a ring, it was a band. Hahaha that *really* confused people. What? It’s not a solitare or halo? But that’s not an engagement ring!! I actually had an aunt say that to me. Umm, yup….it sure is! 😉
Post # 4
I have a friend was was proposed to with a Bible. They were not planning on getting rings at all. They wanted to exchange bibles at the wedding. Not sure what changed but they ended up buying a very modest set afterwords.
Post # 5
I wonder if this is a generational thing at all? My mom has said many times before, “No ring, no engagement.” I don’t agree with this statement. There are obvious financial, religious, personal, etc. reasons why one might not have an engagement ring. Is it mostly people older than you giving you flak? I had a friend whose boyfriend had fallen on hard times but still wanted to propose with a ring. He bought a very simple, inexpensive band. They had a long engagement so they could save, and then he took her to pick out her “wedding ring” which actually ended up being the engagement ring since she wore the band as a wedding ring after they married. If I was in your position, I would totally correct people when they called my fiance my boyfriend. Maybe with a sweet smile. 🙂 It sucks that people aren’t recognizing your engagement. So, let me say: congratulations!
Post # 6
I didn’t have one for the first 9 months. We needed to save for it. Then when we had extra money to spend, I couldn’t decide on what I wanted!
I know how you feel. When we first announced our engagement, I had a few girls at work come to congratulate me and they looked for a ring. It made for some slightly awkward moments, but I didn’t dwell on it.
Post # 7
If it makes you feel any better, I got engaged and married with no e-ring! A ring is certainly not needed to make an engagement official. 5 years later I am now getting a wedding set (and have thus become obsessed with bling lol) but up until now it never mattered.
Do you have date ideas for your wedding yet? Probably once you’ve got the date nailed down everyone will take you more seriously.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
We plan on setting a date soon, but a lot of it also depends on budget. We’ve decided a few things we want and don’t want in a wedding but have yet to decide the perfect time of year. I think we’ll probably try to nail down a date among other things sometime this month.
I’m hoping, as you said, once the date is set people will start to see us as engaged. I’ve even had a couple people say, “You’re not really engaged. Where’s the ring?”
Post # 9
We got engaged without rings. We talked about it, and I explained that I’ve never liked rings and always swore I would never wear one (I’m a musician and a little overprotective of my fingers) – but that one of the ways that I knew FI was the guy for me was that I was willing to wear a wedding ring for him, but only for him, and only one.
So we decided that we would blow off the usual e-ring and instead splurge just a little bit and get custom-designed wedding bands. We took a couple of months to find a jeweler, work on a design, etc. We got engaged in late February and got the bands in early May. I’m now wearing my ring as an “engagement” ring for now, but it will be blessed at the wedding Mass and be my wedding ring from then on. FI is waiting to wear his until the wedding.
This was just the right solution for us, all in all. I did get a few questions, etc., about not having a ring during the first couple of months, but I just smiled and said “we’re getting a custom ring, it won’t be ready for a little while yet,” and it wasn’t a big deal.
I bet that once you have a wedding date set, or even are able to tell people when they ask, “It’s going to be in October of next year,” or whatever, people will figure out that yes, he’s a fiance and not a boyfriend.
Post # 10
The minute I got engaged, all anyone wanted to see was my e-ring and know all the details about it. I can see where people are coming from, thinking that maybe you’ve agreed to marry but that it’s not “in the works” yet. TBH, I would probably think it’s weird to be engaged w/o a ring, but I’m also traditional in a lot of ways.
Post # 11
We were engaged without a ring. We looked at rings after, but I opted out of a ring for various reasons at time. We were married 2.5 months later so obviously we were quite seriously engaged! My rings came later.
Honestly, no one ever questioned that we were engaged just because there was no ring, coworkers, family, or otherwise!
To me the ring does not make the engagement, and it certainly is not necessary. What is necessary is that you have both agreed to marry. THAT is the engagement! If people who know you are engaged call him your boyfriend (as ther refuse to “accept” you are engaged) I would be very firm and remind them he is your fiance.
Post # 12
i do think that the majority of people would ask to see the ring. just like if you said you were pregnant, the next normal question is, “when are you due?” It’s just the way things are.
personally, we got married at the courthouse before we were technically engaged. for immigration, etc. but we didn’t even tell people we were engaged until he had got the ring for me. so we were married dec 1 but only got the ring jan 26 and didn’t tell anyone until after jan 26. i didn’t want that feeling of people not really thinking im engaged becuase i dont have a ring. it’s just so much a part of our culture and the way things are these days. you can’t really fault people for expecting a ring when one is newly engaged.
also, i liked showing that i’m engaged, just in my everyday life. i like knowing that the ring on my finger clearly shows the world that i’m taken. 🙂 even without saying a word.
if you are engaged without a ring, you don’t get this opportunity to convey your status. you have to TELL people verbally. but just looking at my ring finger you’d know that i’m engaged. i think there is something special about that.
it’s not about the money or the size of the ring. you could get a really nice CZ or moissy or another stone. it is just the symbole that i would want and that i think people are expecting to see.
Post # 13
We’ve been engaged since January… I just got the ring today 🙂 So yeah, I had no ring and was varry happily engaged. We’ve been wedding planning for almost 5 months too.
When I announced I was engaged, no one asked to see ‘the ring’. They were all happy for us and accepted our engagement. Lots of ladies here don’t use e-rings and only exchange wedding bands so it was not a big deal I didn’t have an e-ring.
Post # 14
I got engaged with no ring. And then I bought an e-ring and got married without an actual wedding band. We do things all backwards at my house.
Post # 15
I was engaged for 5 mths without a ring as I confused the poor man and could not agree on what I liked in a ring. I finally did over the Easter and we got the ring the same day.
People did not take the engagement seriously and as soon as I did get the ring, people were like congratulations. What? I told you I was engaged months ago, you saw my wedding dress but did not really think I was engaged? SMDH at people who are stuck on tradition and do not consider it a real engagement without a ring.
Post # 16
I was engaged for three months without a ring. He proposed spare of the moment, and didnt have one. Then he surprised me one day by taking out of the blue announcing that we were going shopping, and took me to a jeweller.
So I got to pick out the exact ring I was eyeing off for AGES. Never really found any one not taking us seriously. But I dont think we advertisied it widely either.
My sister also got engaged without a ring, but on purpose. Instead she has a HUGE wedding ring that her husband designed himself. She had a very hard time with wedding dress shopping (this was 15 years ago). All the attendants woulldnt take her seriously, because she wasn’t sporting a rock.
In the end she made her own dress because she became that fed up with the whole experience.
So I know how you feel.