- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm just curious if there is anyone else out there like me and my husband. We agreed before we were even engaged that if/when we were married and lived together we would sleep in separate beds. This was because, try as we might, we just don't sleep well when another person is in the bed. We also have very different schedules (I'm an early riser, he's not) so it really disrupted our sleep.
I know everyone will think I'm crazy, but does anyone else do the same? :)
My great grandparents slept in seperate rooms, but they were in their late 70s by the time I was born. I always thought it was strange but never questioned it
wedding_dress_4.JPG (41.8 KB, 24 downloads) 2 years old wedding_dress_3.JPG (28.7 KB, 22 downloads) 2 years old wedding_dress_2.JPG (45 KB, 21 downloads) 2 years old wedding_dress_1.JPG (54.2 KB, 21 downloads) 2 years old 
@Josalyn - my grandparents slept in separate beds in the same room LOL.
Whatever works for you as a couple.
LOL sometimes I think we need 2 beds. I'm a bed hog. But he says he can't sleep well when i'm not there ( how sweet).
163.JPG (1850.2 KB, 25 downloads) 2 years old Maggie_Sottero_Capri.jpg (15.4 KB, 20 downloads) 2 years old mydress2.JPG (31.5 KB, 20 downloads) 2 years old mydress1.JPG (30.1 KB, 21 downloads) 2 years old 
We sleep together, most of the time. However, sometimes DH can't sleep and will go into the guest bedroom, or if our cat decides to wake us up at 5am (she'll meow and cry if we shut the door to the master, but if DH goes into the guest and shuts the door, it doesn't bother her) then he goes in to the guest. He also slept in the guest room a lot when he was sick for a few months, because he didn't sleep well, tossed a lot, and woke up a lot at night. In short, I'd say he leaves our bed about twice a week. He's also 6'4", so there's not tons of extra real estate. It was rarer when we had a king in our old apartment.
Talking to a friend of mine this weekend, she and her DH are buying twins and pushing them together. She said that when she's mentioned that to people, a lot have responded that they don't always sleep w/ their SO, or expressed envy at an alternate arrangement.
I once met two gay men that lived together and each had a double bed in the bedroom. They said they loved to be with each other but just couldn't sleep well in the same bed. I thought it was incredibly sweet and very mature.
I don't think you're crazy!
I would do it in a heartbeat, but what I REALLY want is my own bedroom (considering that we sold our firstborn to get a one bedroom that just isn't happening). My husband is a HUGE bed-hog and right now we only have a full, so most nights he pushes so hard, I wind up just giving up and sleeping on our couch in the living room. And since we are on such different schedules (he is a doctor, so most mornings he is up at 4:30am and kicks me off the couch so he can turn on the lights in the living room) we constantly wake each other up trying to get to or out of bed, and alarms are going off all the time.... but he's moving away in a few months, and I'll still be here for a few more years while I finish my Ph.D. To be honest, getting the bed all to myself kind of makes me a wee bit giddy inside. Not that I won't miss him (I will, terribly) but the thought of making it through an entire night without getting elbowed in the ribs so hard that I wind up black and blue? Yes, please!
My grandparents were happily married for 60-odd years (before my grandma died), and for the last 10 years or so of their marriage they had separate bedrooms. They had been driving each other crazy with their non-compatible sleeping habits, and moving into separate rooms was the breath of fresh air their relationship needed. Their relationship really improved after doing this because it injected some spark---right down to sleepovers in the other's bedroom!
So I think separate beds/bedrooms can be great. It all depends on if it is a decision that will bring you closer together or push you farther apart. Sometimes time apart---in this case, time asleep---brings you closer together. I don't think you're crazy at all. In fact I think you are brave for choosing a solution that makes you both happy even though it's not the norm.
Personally we sleep in the same bed and I don't see that changing but I am looking forward to having a house or a bigger apartment someday so I can have my own room. Not necessarily a room for sleeping in, but just a place that is all my own. I think if possible everyone should have a little real estate that's just for them (be it a room or just a corner).
damask2.jpg (39.1 KB, 32 downloads) 2 years old TC132Damask.jpg (11.6 KB, 35 downloads) 2 years old tcdamask2.jpg (48.8 KB, 28 downloads) 2 years old 
We'll be sleeping together, he fusses that he can't sleep well without me there. But I agree with chelseamorning (did I spell that right?), having my own space would be really nice. Unfortunately we'll be in a studio the first 8 months or so, so no way that'll happen! I might get my own recliner tho, so that counts for something, right? :)
I think it's great that you're willing to do something unconventional since it works for you. A lot of people would insist on sharing a bed just for the sake of "it's what you're supposed to do" or "what will people think" and if that's not the best choice for them, their marriage could suffer. So good for you! :)
Thanks guys, I feel better! We sleep in separate bedrooms. He tucks me in every night and I go into his room to snuggle in the morning, so I like to think that we get our tenderness quota in. :) And we sleep so well and don't get woken up when we have conflicting schedules.
Not for everyone, but it works for us! Thanks all! :-)
Wow, I could not imagine what it would be like for us sleeping in seperate beds...I just think we wouldn't be having that intimate time so much. But, I have known people to sleep in seperate beds/rooms, it's whatever works for each couple.
This has been on my mind lately, as late pregnancy has changed so much about the way I sleep. I need a ton of room for my huge self and all my pillows, get up every 90 minutes to pee, insist on an open window (yes, in February) because I get so hot.... Mr T has been incredibly good about learning to sleep through all of this, but then sometimes I get insomnia and get mad at him because he's actually sleeping! After baby will be even worse, when there are feedings and diaper changes to work out.
But even with all this, I don't think I'd want to sleep apart. There's something that just ... fills my spirit ... about settling in next to him at night. And I love being able to reach out and hold hands when we're falling asleep.
Wow, how refreshing to hear these comments. I would love to sleep in the same bed. I had a double bed for years, right up until I read an article that said sleeping in a double bed is equal to sleeping in a crib as an adult - how funny! It was tiny, but it forced us to snuggle when my FI (then BF) slept over. I always loved how he would instinctively roll over and snuggle up when I got into bed - maybe b/c he wanted to, but probably b/c there was no more room : )
I think we would do well in 2 beds because I love to stay up late and he likes to go to bed at a decent time. I also love to hit the snooze button at least 7 - 10 times b/f I get up. It drives him crazy. I have always wanted a private suite with a common sitting area with a tv, couch, etc., and off of the sitting room there would be 2 small private bedrooms and 2 separate baths. Possible? I don't know, but one can dream.
I think it's great that you guys do what works for you and are happy with it! We share a bed, it's a King, so we have plenty of room, but we do each have separate blankets. We cannot share a blanket! We tried for the first like 4 days we were married, and then gave up, he stole it every night! Everyone (who knows, like our families) think we are crazy, but I can't stand sharing a blanket with him. Sometimes I do get irritated when he tosses and turns in the middle of the night, because he does it so violently, but it's not too bad. With a huge bed a separate blankets, a lot of the time it feels like we do have our own beds!
Not married yet, but I've lived with my fiance for the past 2.5 years. we cannot stand to sleep apart! we're so used to sleeping together now, that we don't sleep well when we're away from each other.
Well, for us it works much better to sleep apart. Some of you may think we don't have "intimate" time because of this arrangement. But we have plenty of time to snuggle and talk, and plenty of time to actually sleep. And, p.s. we play more "twister" than any other couple we know of! When we did sleep together we both woke up crabby because of our terrible nights, which wasn't good for our relationship either.
It just irritates me when people act all astonished, like "wow you still have a real marriage if you don't sleep in the same room?" Yes.
Also, FYI, we're not the only ones:
We slept in seperate beds until just last month. We're in our 30s, set in our ways and both had queen sized beds. We wanted to sleep together but it was miserable. At first, our friends thought we were nuts....then they were kind of jealous. We agreed to use whatever cash we got from the wedding to buy a king sized bed so that we could sleep together comfortably. Now we sleep really well together! A set of earplugs to tune out snoring is a must too!!
My husband's parents have never shared a room for the past 33+ years. She wiggles too much and he snores too loud for them to sleep comfortably according to them. I asked my husband if it ever seemed to affect their intimacy and he said no. They always made time for each other. Granted as he got older and stayed up later he knew when his parents were together but it hasn't seemed to bother him.
The only time we keep separate beds was if one of us isn't sleeping and its been going on so long that they are being affected during their normal day due to sleep deprivation. Then we'll spend one, maybe two nights apart until we are refreshed.
Hey, if that's what works for you, that's great! It's good you have the confidence to do something like that, even though it's non-traditional.
We have different sleeping schedules as well- he's ALWAYS in bed before I am and the first one out in the morning as well. But I'm such a deep sleeper (too deep actually) I rarely notice when he gets up until after he's dressed and out of the bedroom. But, like others have said, he tells me all the time that he doesn't sleep as well if I'm not in bed- even when I was hugely pregnant and getting up to pee or trying to shift my huge self into a more comfortable position (seriously, when you're pregnant, it's pretty much nonexistant!). And I find it very hard to fall asleep on the rare occasion that he is gone when I go to bed. If we had seperate beds, I'm afraid one or the other of us would getting up and climbing in with the other before morning! Being in bed together, since our son's birth 8 weeks ago, has proved to be our together time- even just for talking and discussing things. But, hey, whatever floats you boat!
I lived with a previous boyfriend and we had our own rooms. One of my closest friends does this with his girlfriend.
My finance would never go for it though, and we couldn't afford a second bedroom anyway.
We have separate rooms and beds, but we do meet in the middle a lot...IYKWIM. :) I'm a really light sleeper and I hate to take sleeping pills and my husband sounds like a freight train. So, I'm in my room with a sound machine to block out ALL noise and he's in another making ALL the noise he can! :) It's not perfect, but it works. I think once we get a new king bed we might try it again, but for now we're making it work.
Hey, I say whatever works for you - do it! My grandparents have separate rooms and have been married for almost 50 years 
Honestly, the idea of having separate beds is appealing to me. I sleep MUCH better on my own. I don't think we'd ever make the switch, but a California King is in our future. The queen just isn't cutting it.
I think if you both feel the same way then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. And the part about getting tucked in at night is too cute. Embrace the things that make you different from other married couples. My husband and I go to bed at different times anyway so theres not much of a difference. And if I reached out to hold his hand at night when he was sleeping it would probably startle him :) @quiche:I love my hubby dearly but I am with you on the California King. Once we can afford it the bed upgrade is a must.
Ha ha...Tulip - we're in the same boat over here...with all the pillows and my growing belly and our small queen sized bed and my 2 trips to the bathroom a night, I get annoyed that Mr Corn is sleeping soundly away. Of course, now he's back to traveling, so during the week I get the whole bed to myself :) Not that I don't miss him desperately when he is away, but having the bed to myself is the one perk of his travel schedule.
It took a lot of getting used to for me to sleep soundly with my husband.
Before we lived together it was really bad because we each only had a full sized bed- so we were practically on top of each other (NOT in a good way).
When we moved in together we got a queen and that was a big improvement, but I wanted seperate blankets. Well, he didn't like that. So, while it took a couple of weeks, I toughed it out and got used to sharing a bed and blankets.
Now it's fine. I sleep as soundly as I did by myself. But if definitely took some getting used to.
We're not married, but our "bed routine" is that I sleep on the side against the wall, so I can squish up against it and give him most of the room without falling off! 
(It sounds awful, but I sleep really well in small spaces).
When at a hotel with 2 queen beds, we each take one. He's used to a king, so there's no way we could share a queen with no wall to hold me in! (Although he once moved the nightstand and pushed them together).
My BF falls asleep most nights on his couch watching TV. I don't have a TV in my bedroom. Since we have been dating, I have acquired a roommate, which makes it strange for him to be out on the couch alone at all hours with the TV blaring (at least for me and the etiquette of being a thoughtful roommate).
The only compromise we have come up with so far is him watching TV on his computer in my bed (while wearing headphones - I go to sleep earlier than he does). I wish we could someday go to bed together (in more than a falling asleep after Twister manner) and wake up together without someone needing to leave or spend hours watching hulu. If wishes were horses....
I'm like you rosychicklet! We seldom actually slept together when we were dating or even engaged, as he has kids, and we just thought it wouldn't be a great example - so it was limited to weekends when the kids were with their mom, or when we were out of town. As a result, we never got used to sleeping together, and had a really hard time for a while. We definately need a king-sized bed, although a new bedroom set is a ways down on the priority list.
And sometimes one or the other of us is having a bad night, and so ends up on the couch; sometimes he snores, and then he has to wake up to my alarm and wake me up, because I put in ear plugs (can't hear him snore, but also can't hear my alarm either - and I get up about 45 minutes before him, as I have a longer commute.
It was worth the adjustment period though - now we both sleep just fine the majority of the time, and we really wouldn't consider separate beds or bedrooms except as a last resort. Everybody I know does that every once in a while - like when one person has a bad cold - but for our few friends who admit to doing it most of the time, it seems to correspond to a fairly high level of marital disatifaction. Not to judge anybody's situation - whatever works for you - but I can absolutely say that if you really don't give sleeping together a fair chance, then it's going to seem like it won't work for you.
Suzzano- for a wake up call, I put my cell on vibrate under my pillow as an alarm... Just a thought (since you use ear plugs and all).
clutch2.JPG (25.8 KB, 26 downloads) 2 years old clutch1.JPG (23.6 KB, 25 downloads) 2 years old 
We both sleep really well in our Queen size Simmons Beauty Rest. It's the bed with the commercials of someone dropping a bowling ball next to a pyramid of champagne glasses.
I hate sleeping without him!
CIMG3768.JPG (701.5 KB, 33 downloads) 2 years old CIMG3767.JPG (2107.4 KB, 30 downloads) 2 years old CIMG3766.JPG (2154.3 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old CIMG3765.JPG (1261.7 KB, 30 downloads) 2 years old 
You know I don't think it's odd that people sleep in two separate beds. My FI and I do live together and sleep in the same bedroom, but sometimes when he takes over the bed and talks loudly in his sleep I do go and sleep in the other room!
Mr Ant and I sleep in the same bed, but actually use two separate comforters because I'm a terrible blanket hog!
On nights when I don't think I can sleep, I go to bed before Mr. Taffy to get a "head start". He always falls asleep right away, and then starts snoring!!! ;)
@suzanno -- "but I can absolutely say that if you really don't give sleeping together a fair chance, then it's going to seem like it won't work for you."
Really?
When we first starting staying at each other's places when we were dating it was SO hard for me to fall asleep with someone else in the bed with me! But I stuck with it and after a few months then I was able to sleep just fine. Now we're engaged and live together and I sleep better with him! It took some adjustment for me but I definitely love falling asleep cuddling now :) And we have a full so there has to be some cuddling or else one of us is off the edge! Though it's not as bad as when we started dating and I only had a twin :)
hmmm, this is interesting. I can actually see how this would work for some people too. If it works for you- why not!
We're still maintaining two seperate households why we still try to consolidate our lives (i'm trying to move to n. fl, but having a hard time finding a job) So technically we sleep 5 hours apart. Most of my friends don't get it - but it works for us right now.
When we are together we snuggle for a few minutes then we both dart to the edge of the bed and pretty much sleep facing away from each other. We just like our sleeping space.
This is sooooo embarrassing but funny.
A week after we got married I awoke to an empty bed, and when I got up I found Mr DS on the sofa, at 6am!!! Thinking about whether I had done anything the night before, ie. kicked hom out of bed or had restless sleep - I couldnt decide what had happened. So I woke him up and asked what happened why he was on the sofa...
Apparently I WAS SNORRING - keeping him awake at night!!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!! As if! lol
BUT the worst part is - its not the first time!!! He said he normally does this and sneaks back in later once I stop. And there's me complaining as to why he's tired all the time, and now I know why!!!!! I feel awful!!! LOL! Whereas I sleep soundly and brilliantly when he's home. Its great.
ooooooops
We sleep in the same bed and while we love falling asleep together, we really aren't that compatible of sleepers. We're both really light sleepers and I get up to go to the bathroom a lot, and he occasionally snores, so we're constantly waking each other up! We are currently remodeling and are going to get a king bed asap, hoping it helps us with sleeping together.
The other night, my FI was sick so I willingly offered to sleep in the guest bedroom so he (haha actually, we, though I was pretending to take one for the team and he knew it!) could get a better night's sleep. Oh my god, I loved it. It was SO COMFORTABLE and quiet and relaxing and wonderful! Incidentally, our guest bedroom has all my old furniture in it, including my comfy old bed. It was a-mazing. I have to say, I may be doing it more often, unless the king bed really does help out a lot!!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| mypinkshoes | 9 |
 sylvia.riggle |
9 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| msmolar | 1 |
