Post # 1
I am so conflicted. I always saw myself having no more than 6 bridesmaids, and even that number seemed high to me. Well, I now have 7. It was tough finalizing my decision. Most of my girls were people I have known my whole life (or most of it) would be in it: my 2 sisters, my 2 best friends from elementary-high school, and 2 of my close college friends. My FI has one SIL (no sisters) and we are fairly close, so I felt like it was only right to add her in.
Now for the dillemma: I have 1 friend who I met about 2 years ago who I have become extremely close with–we talk on the phone fairly often (she recently moved about 2 hours away) and we visit each other when we can. I see her more than some of my in-town BMs. When I was choosing BMs she was definitely in the mix, but it came down to who I knew longer. I even decided not to add my 2 stepsisters in because I felt like 9 people would have been too many. They will both be readers/program passers at the wedding and will be invited to all events.
The more I think about it and hang out with this girl, the more I feel terrible about not having her in my wedding party. She came to the engagement party from out of town and everyone was asking her if she was a BM. I felt so so bad. She is such a great person and she is becoming one of my best friends. I really see her being a closer friend in years to come, and I don’t want to regret not having her be a part of it. Plus, I wanted her to be with me on the morning of the wedding and involved as much as possible, especially since she is putting in the effort of coming in from out of town.
I am visiting her in a few weeks and I wanted to be able to invite her to be a part of the wedding when I go, but I’m not sure what to ask her to do. We have 3 readers, 2 program passers, and if we added another BM, we will need to quickly order the dress (they are already ordered) and FI will need to ask another guy (even though I said he didnt have to, he would feel like he needed to) but he didn’t want to start controversy about who he did/did not ask to be his GM when there are 8 people. Are there any other roles you can think of that I could have her do? We thought about singing, but I’m not sure if she sings in public, and I don’t need to have someone man the “guestbook” (whatever we decide to use).
Post # 3
I’ve asked my best friend from college to marry us. She was able to become ordained online in about 15 minutes. If you’re not having a religious ceremony it might be a good way to include her. My friend was extreamly honored to be asked. The rest of our bridal party seems to fit like yours, frineds from home and family. It helps that my FI and her husband have become close friends so she was a mutual pick for both of us. I also have a bridesmaid who is walking down the aisle with her son who will be the ring bearer so that my FI did not have to pick another groomsman. I agree with you about the guestbook offer not really feeling like a good post for a good friend.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
Just because someone is special to you, doesn’t mean they have to be a bridesmaid. Have her help out, attend stuff, help set up, help you get ready, and all the other behind-the-scenes stuff without being a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
Those are great ideas. I like the idea of having her there when we get ready, I just don’t want her to feel like she is not special enough because she is not a bridesmaid. However, since she is coming in from out of town I think she might be more likely to come get ready with us. Maybe I can have her get to the hall before us and make sure everything is set up properly, as well. Thanks for the great suggestions!
Post # 6
I like the suggestions of honouring her in a non-role related way. Maybe you could include her in a toast, or have her get ready with you, or attend a trip to the nail salon.
I am strenuously against B-list jobs as a way to “honour” someone. Someone asking me to be a personal assistant is not an honour, but an unpaid, labourer.
Post # 7
I have three special ladies that did not make the BM cut, not because I like them any less but because we became really close after the wedding planning began. Two of them will be my ushers and the other will be reading a blessing during the ceremony.
Post # 8
I have my house party girls. I have 4. I really just wanted them there for everything, one is reading scripture, one is singing, and the others are in charge of guestbook and programs.
If you have someone you want there it is EASY to find jobs for them. I have been house party in a few of my friends weddings and it just feels special to be there through all of it.
Post # 9
@andielovesj: Yeah, the more I think of it, the more I don’t want her to feel like she is working, unpaid, for my wedding. I think we may have found a way to have a 3rd reader in the ceremony, and if that is true then she will be doing that (if she accepts).
Any other suggestions? I really appreciate it!
Post # 10
I’m in a similar boat. I’m only having 4 bridesmaids (my sister and 3 close friends), but I have a few other dear friends that I’d love to include in the wedding day as well.
We’re having one friend officiate and a couple others do readings during the ceremony.
I’m also having another friend who is super stylish help me with my fashion decisions (as much as I try, I just do not have a good eye for fashion!). She’s even doing my makeup the day of. It’s awesome because she’s SUPER into it, which helps me stay excited as well. I’m planning on including her in the program (if we have one) as “fashion guru” or something similar. At the very least, I’ll mention her in my thank yous during the rehearsal dinner.
Is there anything that your friend is particularly good at? Fashion? Crafts? Thinking of thoughtful gifts? I think even including her in the day-to-day wedding decisions will make her feel special (for example, if she’s crafty, ask her to help you pick out invitations?). That, plus a brief, public thank you will probably be enough to make her feel valued as a friend.
Post # 11
@moondrop: Great suggestions. I will definitely invite her to be a part of all events and getting ready. Now that we can probably have another reader, she will be it. It sucks to not be able to put every girl in that I wanted, but we didn’t need a 30 person wedding party!!!!!
Post # 11
Our flower girl will be very young (11 months), so I asked a friend who I used to be close with and have only recently gotten close to again (after bridesmaids were picked) to be a flower girl attendant. Since my flower girl is really too young to be in the ceremony, my friend will be the sort of flower girl. (If my niece is in a good mood, she can carry her down the aisle and hand her off to her daddy. Otherwise, my niece will just be in the pictures.) My friend will have a different but matching dress. I’d really like to come up with a cooler name than flower girl attendant, so if anyone has any ideas on that I’m all ears.