- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I can’t be alone here …… I am a writer. Well, a wannabe writer.
I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was eleven years old. I actually remember the moment in 6th grade when I realized I wanted to be a writer.
But when I graduated high school, thanks to awful guidance counselers, awful SAT scores (I did have a good GPA though), and about a thousand other factors, I was clueless as to how to pursue this. Everyone told me to major in Journalism or be an English teacher. But I didn’t want to write articles or news and I didn’t want to teach.
I wanted to write books. Novels for young adults. (I had no idea you could major in professional writing, creative writing, grant writing, etc).
And of course everyone I told laughed in my face and told me to “Get a real job.”
So after a few semesters of hating community college, pointless writers groups, and dead end retail jobs, I started working office jobs.
…… Ten years later, I am totally miserable. I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had and really do not make enough money for, well, anything, except paying bills.
And I’m so busy at work (and my commute is so long) that I don’t have any time to write. And I’m so depressed that I seriously can’t even bear to write.
I am consumed by “the rat race” that I wanted to avoid by being an “artist.” My ‘”real world” job and cooking, cleaning, working out, and taking care of the dog have made me lose sight of what I really wanted out of life.
I want to get back to writing, but I seriously feel as though some intense therapy is needed first because I am SO messed up mentally and emotionally. I honestly feel that every move I’ve made in the last 10 years (besides marrying my husband) has been a mistake.
I just don’t know how to get out of this funk. I can NOT NOT NOT spend the next 10 years not writing and working a dead end job that I hate. But I have to pay the bills.
I have considered going back to school online, but I do not know what I’d go for, when I’d have time, or how I’d pay for it (my husband is currently in school too).
I just want to get back to my passion, my craft, my art. I know that I may not become the next J.K. Rowling or anything, but even if I could make some “extra money” to start that would be great.
I know there are so many online resources, blogging, etc, nowadays, but how do I know what to get into? Which websites do I trust? And who is going to want to hire me for blogging, etc when I don’t have a degree (yet)?
I am just so lost.
Are there any other artsy bees out there struggling with this? Or are there any of you who have found a way to pay the bills AND pursue your passion?
I need help. Desperately. I feel like my heart is dead 🙁