Any stories of love after heartbreak??

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2534 posts
Sugar bee

I had a breakup in my early 20s. I had been with the guy for almost four years, we lived together, we were engaged. When we split up, I was devestated. It took me almost a full year to get over it. I then had another very serious relationship (not engaged, but lived together and talked about marriage) that also broke up in an unpleasant manner.

I honestly thought I would never be happy/meet the right guy/be able to love and commit to someone again.

My brain changed after I dumped a guy I had only been seeing for a few months (after the serious failed relationships). I’d always been the one that got dumped and hurt the most so it was a  big and liberating change for me to get rid of thus guy. He was bad for me and something finally clicked in my brain – I decided I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with another person that made me feel like these people had.

Two weeks later, I met my now DH. He is literally the most amazing person I have ever met and treats me like gold. I love him so much and now realize the other relationships I was in were so unhealthy and not what love should be.

DH and I have been together 4 years and married for a a year and a half. We’re planning to start a family in the spring.

There IS hope. You will find your soulmate when you aren’t looking.

A quote I used to love that I will share with you – “The right guy for me is out there somewhere making his way to me. He just got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions!” 

Give him some time to find you 😉

 

Post # 4
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@themis513:  yes yes, there IS love after heartbreak! I’m so so so sorry to hear about what happened to you the first time around. My ex was not cruel, but our relationship did not work out and I loved him a lot and couldn’t imagine life without him.

Three years after our breakup, I’m married to my amazing husband, have a dream job, live in an amazing city, and could not be happier. The funniest part of all of this is that I met my DH when I was NOT looking for someone – somehow that’s usually how this happens!

1) Learn to love yourself. Keep telling yourself every day that this is a GOOD thing that happened. That your ex and family were nasty people and you dodged a bullet. You deserve much better than that. Tell yourself that you deserve a man who will love you and side with you and stand up to his family

2) Do stuff that creates new memories. Make it a point to have all your weekends booked – even if you don’t feel like going out. Tell your friends to help you to force you to go out. I’ve had friends come over the drag me out. Have dinners out every night on the weekends. Go to brunches. Go to parties. If you like to work out, work out. I took up additional hobbies. Buy some killer clothes and look damn good

3) Hang out with people who are like-minded and similar to your ideal person. I did make it a point to go to church because my ex was not Christian and we broke up over religion, so I made every effort possible to go to a new church, hang out with Christians, volunteer, etc., and I did meet my DH in a similar context.

4) Keep a gratitude journal. In my darkest times, I told myself, if there’s ONE thing that made me smile that day, it was a day worth living. So I started journaling and writing down everything that made me smile. The crazy thing? I had something to smile about EVERY day and after one month, I was SO much happier. 

 

5) Help others. Sometimes in helping others, we help ourselves. So as much as this is a mind trick, it works, go volunteer for people who are less fortunate than you and you will learn to see more joy in life

 

Hope this helps! Hugs and lots of love xoxoxo

Post # 5
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I married my HS sweetheart in my early 20s. We were one of those together-forever, don’t-believe-in-divorce couples. Until one day, 4 years in, when he met some new girl at work and decided that he missed out on YOLOing if up in his 20s. He left me for her and it destroyed me.

I dragged it out for awhile and tried to save the marriage but he wasn’t interested. I finally filed for divorce. A short time later, I met my now-DH. And OMG, I had no idea what I was missing. He is everything my ex wasn’t, except I didn’t know it then b/c I was so young and inexperienced.

I feel for you b/c people kept telling me, “this happened for a reason,” “it will get worse before it gets better,” and it felt so empty. I was 30 and I thought my life was over, and it really wasn’t.

So: it happened for a reason. It will be (or has been) worse before it’ll get better. But it will, I promise. this guy wasn’t the love of your life.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@themis513:  There is definitely love after heartbreak, eventhough it never feels like it at the time.

I married a man when I was 20 years old. I thought it was an amazing, romantic, blah blah blah marriage. Fast forward to about 1 year and 3 months later, he suddenly thinks we should “break up”. Yeah, “break up”.

He wouldn’t even listen to me and kicked me out of the apartment. I had to drop out of school, and move back to my parent’s place, all within two days.  Turns out he was busy “spending time” with his ex girlfriend. He was engaged to a different woman a month after our divorce.  Needless to say, I was devastated.

When I met DH, he was also divorced, and not really looking for marriage.  He and I hit it off immediately, and now we’ve been married almost two years.  I’ve never been happier, and I don’t even worry about old whatshisname.  Don’t worry, you’ll find love again, but take your time! Focus on you, and love yourself. The more you love yourself, the easier it will be to truly love another.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@themis513:  I’ve been with my ex from age 17 to 26. Although I still loved him, we grew apart as adults, we didn’t share common interests anymore and we didn’t have the same goals in life. I realized I could stay with him and be miserable because we weren’t making each other happy anymore, or I could leave the relationship, hoping I would find a better match for me in my life. I broke up and it was extremely painful for us both. But I happened to meet my (now) FI a few weeks after, and I wasn’t even looking for dating. I really thought with my ph.d and all, that I would spend the next 3 years single. But I met him, and he was everything I wanted in a man. I know I wasn’t ready to enter a new relationship, and he knew about my recent breakup, but at our age (26 and 35 back then) we knew what we wanted and we each consented to it. He’s been very supportive and our relationship only grew stronger. We moved in together after 5 months of dating, and got engaged a few months after that. 

Hang in there. For all you know, this breakup might be a blessing in disguise. Reach for your own happiness. It’ll come to you soon enough. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It is very possible, and I’m proof!

In 2009 I met a guy, I bought a house and he moved into it with me and my three boys. We lived SO HAPPILY for over two years, never had a fight, we’re the absolute best of friends. During the time we were together I financed a second car in my name, and he was on a couple of my credit cards. No biggie, right? Ha, we’ll get to that in a minute. After two years of dating and on my 30th birthday he proposed to me when I blew out the candles on my cake (in front of my whole family mind you). We had half the wedding booked and paid for when I came home one day to discover he had moved out. Like completely!!! No explanation, no nothing. He left me with both cars and both payments, all the bills and here’s the real kicker: I got a statement from Kay Jewelers because he (unknownigly to me!) used my card to purchase my engagement ring. I had to bring it back to Kay and surrender it to avoid having to pay for it. It sucked so bad on top of everything else going but hey, there was obviously no meaning behind the ring in the first place. 

The following year was even worse, I became so depressed that my life just kinda snowballed out of control…to the point where I even contemplated suicide 🙁  I finally got my shit together in the end of 2012 and quit feeling sorry for myself and just focused on myself and my boys. I gave up on love totally, but I was okay with that choice because I didn’t think I’d ever find what I was looking for. Fast forward to May 2013 :)…

I met Trey in May, and we fell head over heels in love with eachother. He’s absolutely amazing and after a few months of being with him I had this “aha!” moment where it suddenly made sense to me as to why it never worked out with anyone else. He is without a doubt my kindred spirit and my best friend. He bought a ring (with his own money!) this month and is planning on proposing soon and I am OVER THE MOON! I’m finally getting my happy ending but really, this is just the beginning! 

Keep your head up, what’s meant to be will be. Good luck to you!! <3

Post # 9
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

YES YES YES – and there will come a day when you wonder why you wasted any time or tears on anyone before and instead want to thank them for being idiots and not worthy of you!  But getting there isn’t always easy, so hang in there!!

Post # 10
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@themis513:  Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this. It does get easier though! I was with my ex for 5 years, and I knew things weren’t perfect, but boy did I get a wakeup call one day – I was spending the weekend at his place, he went to walk his dogs and I jumped on his computer to order a pizza for dinner, and what do you know… his ACTIVE match.com page was up! He was even logged in. He begged and cried but I was done – and 6 weeks later, he was in a relationship and moving in with her. I was so angry and hurt – I couldn’t even look at another guy.

I really felt like I’d never meet anyone else or be able to let my guard down enough to fall in love again. I decided to channel my energy into other things – exercising, spending lots of time with my friends, and saving aggressively to buy a condo. It took over a year (about 14 months) before I was ready to go on a date again. It took a little while, but I am now engaged to an awesome guy, and my relationship with my fiance makes even the good parts of the one with my ex look PATHETIC.

There is hope! Try to make the most out of being single – pamper yourself! This is the only time in your life where you have only yoursef to think about – no one’s opinions to consider but your own. Live it up! Travel, have fun with your friends, spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on a hobby. 🙂 The right guy will come along.

Post # 11
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@themis513:  

Been there! My fiance broke up with me via text too 🙁 Stupid boys. Luckily we were farther our from our wedding than you were.

When we broke up, an elementary school friend of mine sent me a message to let me know things would get better, but even a year after her ended engagement, she would still have bad days. 

I had some really rough days. I cried more than I ever have in my life and the pain was unbearable. Everyone told me that it was a good thing he broke up with me, that he wasn’t good enough, that I would find better. I didn’t believe I would ever love someone like that again.

A few months after my ex broke up with me, I met my current FI. I knew the instant I met him that he was the right one for me and I was so happy my ex ended it. FI and I are getting married next summer. Every single day, I am grateful to have him in my life and cannot believe that I almost married someone else. You will have a day when someone comes along and you realize that you didn’t love your ex like you thought you did! 

But honestly, the biggest part of the break up for me was learning to be myself again – a strong, independent woman. I found things that I loved about myself that I hadn’t realized before. And I realized that I deserved an incredible person who wouldn’t text me to break up with me (seriously… WHO does that?!). I started a gratitude journal, went to new classes at the gym, and went on meetup (the website) to find new groups of people in my area to hang out with. I explored my interests, gave back to those around me, and focused on healing and empowering myself. I met FI because I went out and did new things and he fell in love with the woman I am today. And I know that even if I was to go through that pain again, it would be okay – because there is always light on the other side, and that light is in me (I realize how corny that sounds but it helps me feel better!). 

Good luck!! Keep your head up. And if you get depressed or you’re feeling worse, ASK FOR HELP!

Post # 12
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When I was 21, my then FI and I had been together for 5 years. We planned to get married after I finished college. I found out he cheated on me once, through him confessing to it, and after a month or so of me not being able to decide if I wanted to try to work it out, I finally decided I was done.  It was the worst feeling in the world.  My whole “plan” for my life was suddenly gone.  I had also lost my grandma during this time.  I spiraled into depression, feeling down on myself, like something was wrong with me.  I don’t eat when I’m stressed, so I ended up starving myself and losing about 20lbs. 

Once my lease was up, I moved to a new apartment and quit hanging out with our mutual friends.  I became friends with two girls that were my new neighbors and I started going clubbing with them.  Through them, I met DH.  We had a little bumpy start in the beginning because I had a lot of trust issues and it took about a year or so for us establish a great, healthy relationship. We’ve been together for almost 8 years now and I couldn’t ask for a better husband! 

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Aaaa, sweetie – it will get better, I promise. 

 

A number of years ago I was dating a guy I thought I loved. We fought fairly often, he was immature and we really lacked passion. I knew in my heart it was heading towards a break up but still tried to hold on – until I found him in bed with another girl. I never thought he would be THAT guy. 

While I was attempting to get over him, a guy a went to high school with sent me flowers to try to make me feel better. I wasn’t overly interested, but after several emails asking me to meet for drinks, I went. That turned into several more dates which turned into a relationship and eventually turned into buying a house together. Once we lived together, I began to see the real him. He was drunk more than he was sober, he was mean, emotionally abusive and at times physically abusive. I fell into somewhat of a depression. Most nights we would go out with his guys straight after work, get drunk and not come home until very late. Those nights, I would take nighttime cold medicine so that I could just sleep to not feel any of the saddness I was feeling. Eventually, a friend of mine snapped me out of my relationship coma and helped me come up with a plan to move out. I had moved most of my stuff out before I told him I was leaving and he had never noticed that anything was different. 

 

Once I was able to get out of that toxic relationship I took time for me. I started to run again. I saw my friends. I discovered who I really was and what I wanted out of life. That was the most difficult time of my life, but I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t of gone through it. 

 

Fast forward a year and bit. I’ve now met a real man. A man who cares for me (and makes sure I know that he cares for me), a man who loves me…a man who deserves my love. I would have taken him for granted had I not gone through my other experiences. Now, I am grateful for him every single day. 

 

You’ll feel better sweetie. xo

Post # 14
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It is possible! I was in a relationship throughout high school, moved in with him at 19, got married at 22 (we we’re together 8 years) and one day in Feb, just 4 months after we got married he came home from work and deciced he didnt want to be married to me anymore. I screamed at him, cried, did everything possible to make it work and to try and understand it. He wanted nothing to do with trying to make this work and I eventually moved out about a week later. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life because it was all I ever knew. Just a short 6 weeks after I moved out I went out with my best friend and I met a guy and I honestly was never any happier then I am now. I realized now what I was truly missing and how well I am now treated. I do believe things happen for a reason its just hard to see that logic when your going through something so hard. But be strong! It will all happen in time.

Post # 15
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

@themis513:  Yesss there is!

When my ex broke up with me, it was only 2 days to being together for 8 months. That doesn’t seem like a long time but everything moved so fast. I think I fell for him so hard because he was really good at playing hard-to-get. We “dated” for 3 or 4 months before we called it official because I couldn’t tell if he actually wanted a relationship. That should’ve been the first warning sign. There were sooo many.

When he first told me he officially liked me, it was through a popular website where you can post anonymously. The 2nd “anonymous” comment was “Holly, I’ve always loved you and always will”. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I screencapped the post obviously because it was really cute. A few months later I realized his ex’s name was holly. It made me sick so I resaved the picture without the comment trying to pretend he didn’t do that.

There were many other things. But he was good at what he did. He told me he loved me first, when I was still confused, but eventually I came to love him more than anyone I ever had. He would keep telling me his mom kept asking him when we were going to get married. I was so blinded, we were so incompatible. He was christian and in the military, and I never wanted to end up with either of those.

But when he left me I was so devastated. For months. I actually got re-acquainted with my SO too early I think, he asked to be official before I was ready (because he had secretly been loving me from afar the whole time I was dating my ex, think “Misery Business” by paramore. He didn’t want me to pass him by again) He understood what I was going through and even though it caused him pain sometimes he helped me through healing from my ex. Now we have the most amazing relationship. He treats me like a queen, helps me reach my goals, makes me a better person.

I found out recently that my ex had gotten together with one of his “friends” I knew while we were dating , a month after he broke up with me and acted like he was so damaged by his ex Holly. They’re still together. That kinda hurt too, but now I’m so over the bull* and drama of him. Dating him was basically like dating another girl. And shes just as bad as he is so they’re perfect together.

So, like my story, just keep thinking about how wrong he was for you, and all the stupid shit he did. When you find someone who is right for you, they won’t do anything to hurt you 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I loved a man dearly whom I dated on and off for 5 years, who I thought I wanted to marry. I was so crushed when things finally ended. And eventually got pissed at what had happened, and that made me a stronger person, and I am grateful for that. It raised the bar for me in terms of what I wanted and knew I deserved. If it weren’t for that happening, I don’t know if I would have ever met my husband.

I did got through a long period of dating different people. A few years I think before I met my husband. But it was a good experience for me to have, and was empowering.

I am so grateful to have met my husband, and I think if I didn’t have the attitude of my time being to valueble to spend with the wrong guy, that I would still be with the wrong guy.

I hear now my ex is engaged to be married, and all I can feel is sorry for the poor woman who is to be his wife. Best of luck to her! She is going to need it!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors