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Is it terrible that I'm trying REALLY hard to think of something and coming up blank?! UGH! That's a sign you've taken on a lot huh?! LOL! I guess the only thing we're really skipping is the bouquet/garter toss.
I don't think anyone will miss the programs so I wouldn't worry about it!
I am not doing/or did not do seen as I am only 3 weeks out!
Things we skipped:
-Favors
-Menus
-Send off things (rose petals, rice, bubbles, etc)
-Renting limos
-Table numbers (we had open seating)
So far what we've opted out of are an engagement party, sending paper STDs and hiring a professional DJ. Maybe more will be added to the list, who knows!
Honestly, I have no idea what is "expected." We went for those things that were meaningful to us, and left out anything that wasn't.
To keep a sense of perspective about this, think back to the last wedding you attended. What do you remember about it? Brides will often obsess about something like an ugly ceiling, but I've never heard of a wedding guest saying, "The wedding was lovely, all except that ugly ceiling!"
The last wedding I had attended before ours was my brother's. I looked back at some of the pictures from his when we were planning ours. Until I checked, I had forgotten that the bride wore a simple white dress (not a "wedding" dress), that there were no flowers in the church (not even bouquets), that my brother had worn a sports coat and dress pants instead of a suit or tuxedo, or that the cake was made by an amateur. Instead, I remembered how happy the bride and groom were, how many members of both families were there, how lovely the reception venue (a bed and breakfast overlooking the ocean) was, how there was plenty of good food and drink, and how there was lots of music at both ceremony and reception.
Thus, when our wedding came around, we focused on the things that were most important for us when we were wedding guests. We rented a lovely old Victorian house with plenty of room for all the guests for the night before the wedding and the wedding night, so that we would be able to have unstructured time with the close family and friends we invited to the wedding. We provided plenty of delicious food and drink. (Lobster and filet mignon were among the entree choices.) We selected our ceremony music with care, and had a live musician at our reception. But we had no engagement rings or honeymoon, plain gold bands for wedding rings, minimal ceremony decorations, dresses that came from a consignment store, and a cake baked by my wife which was delicious but which had only minimal decoration.
And looking at the above lists, we skipped pretty much all the stuff mentioned except programs (we had a Jewish ceremony with a lot of nonJewish guests, so we wanted explanations of what was going on) and menus (but we only had two of those for the whole reception, not individual ones.
So far we're not doing:
-Engagement party
-Bouquet/ Garter toss
-Parent/ child dances (my dad passed 1.5 yrs ago) :(
-Boutineres (sp?) for the GMs
-possibly engagement pics
...I think that's it as of now:)
We left out...
Engagement party, engagement pics, STD's, menus (buffet dinner), garter/bouquet toss, special dances, limo, sending off, DJ, traditional cake. Our guests appreciated not having to watch tosses and dances!
We did most of of the "big" things but we did skip bouquet and garter tossing... and I kind of wish we had done them! But things like programs and favors often aren't missed, so I say pass on them if they aren't important to you! They were fun projects for us.
We didn't do:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen !
- Rehearsal dinner
- Programs
- Bouquet toss
Glad to know I'm in good company!
2dBride, I completely agree with you. We've been trying to just do what matters to us and ignore it when people make comments about what things *should* matter. I keep reminding myself that if it matters to them, they can do it at their wedding. We're paying for everything ourselves and some things just are not possible for us (like an open bar), even if we wanted to do it!
I'm still surprised at how judgmental people can be, then follow up their comments with "Well, it's your wedding." Right... thanks for the reminder!
Leaving out engagement party, engagement pictures, the services of a florist, wedding cake, bouquet/garter toss, parent/child dance, favors, send-off, and limo. I'm still undecided on a rehearsal dinner, program and menu. We are also adding backyard games because it is fitting for our venue.
--Favors
--Escort cards and table numbers, and menus because we'll have open seating and heavy hors d'oeurves
--Engagement party
--Flower girl and ring bearer (we love kids but the only one we're close enough to right now to do it is not old enough)
--"Traditional" ceremony music
--Choreographed dance OR the 7th grade sway. Our first dance song is blue grass so things will be a litte more upbeat.
--Save the dates
--Bouts for the men. It was one of the only things FI felt really strongly about.
At this point, we are not doing:
-programs
-bouquet/ garter toss
-dancing of any kind (not our thing)
-favors
-engagement party/ pics
-anything for the send off
-flower girl/ ring bearer
-assigned seating/ escort cards/ table numbers
We will also probably go to dinner the night or two nights before but we are not doing a rehearsal dinner in the traditional sense.
Trying to think:
-Tons of details that you see in the magazines. I am not sure if people expect those things, but it feels like it sometimes. We won't have a midnight snack, or photobooth, everything DIYed etc... Some of this is for financial reasons and some for emotional health reasons, lol I will have details, but not anything crazy
-Traditional ceremony music. We chose a classical guitarist and music we love...no pachebel canon in D for us...
-Favors...we will have signs asking people to take peaches from our centerpieces home in paper bags that we provide, but no other favor.
-Flower centerpieces: Our centerpieces are peaches (fruit!) in glass vases.
-A bouquet toss and garter toss...a garter toss looks embarrassing so the whole thing got thrown out.
-A money dance...FI's side of the family expects it and we won't be doing it.
-Cake that is 1 flavor...I have heard that is most common...we are offering 4 flavors!
-Bride bouquet will not white flowers. My bridesmaids will have white flowers and I will have yellow/light orange roses.
This is a great post! We are not doing:
Engagement pics
Bouquet toss
Garter toss
Programs
Traditional wedding party
Parent/Child dances
I am sure there is more that will come to light in next three months.
I'm sure I'll add to this list in the future with other things as they come to me. The list sofar of things we are not including because they are not important to us or they aren't done in our families/social circles:
donations as favors
champagne
anything overly fancy "because it's a wedding" (caviar, lobster, etc)
money dance
honeymoon registry
reception dress
rehearsal dinner dress
fancy rehearsal dinner (they are casual by default)
parent dances
bouquet/garter tosses and substitutions
open seating (my family does open seating for everything and it's usually not a good thing)
cake and punch reception (this is the only type of reception done in our families and we want to serve a full dinner which is completely foreign to them considering how much everyone loves to eat)
limo
religious ceremony
white dress for the bride (I don't own anything white or pastel and everyone will be shocked if I buy one since it doesn't fit my personality or style)
veil (I don't like the historical symbolism behind it)
strapless dresses on anyone
Oh the things we're skipping...
Engagement party
Wedding shower
Registering
Rehersal
Wedding party (No BMs, GMs, FGs or RBs)
No one is walking me down the aisle
Programs
Parent dances
Bouquet/garter toss
Floral centerpices (possibly any centerpieces)
Send off
I'm still contemplating menus (probably skipping), table numbers, and escort cards.
we aren't doing the following:
engagement party
wedding favors
bouquet toss
We arent doing
-engagement party
-bridesmaids luncheon
-favors
-photobooth, DIY details, midnight snack
-candy bar or some other type of "bar" (aka cookie or smores etc)
-colored shoes for me!
-first look
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Hi Bees,
This site has been such a wonderful help - thank you all! We have less than 3 months to go!
I've been reading a lot of posts about "little things", mostly to add to my own lists in hopes I won't forget anything. I've come across some great points, but also lots of things we weren't planning to do, which makes me wonder...
For instance, programs for the ceremony. Our ceremony is a civil one - two simple readings, our own vows, and then the more formal / legal parts by the officiant. We weren't going to do programs, but after seeing some of the beautiful DIYs here I'm re-thinking.
Are there any things that people might "expect" that you're leaving out? Would love to hear!