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check out Friendly Crossways in Harvard, MA http://www.friendlycrossways.com/
Springstep in Medford. We had our wedding there and brought in food from our favorite thai restaurant. They are so flexible about food and alcohol (if applicable). Plus it's reasonably priced and the building is lovely.
I used the Eagles club in Leominster, MA. I ended up using a caterer they liked so they waived the $50 kitchen fee. But I wanted the option to bring in my own food just in case catering wasn't in the budget at the last minute.
Saratoga Spa State Park in Saratoga Springs, NY. Don't know how far away you are (we're about 3 hours from Boston) but it's a great outdoor venue, we're having our BBQ / Picnic wedding there :)
If you are interested in NY, you may want to look at any of the parks or recreation areas. I looked at Fort Tryon Park, overlooking the Hudson; I also looked at the Montauk Lighthouse. They typically ask for a permit fee and the rest is up to you.
Good luck!
@MerryWidow: Nice! Can you tell me which pavilion this is? And is that a fire pit in the center??
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Does anyone know of a truly DIY venue that would allow us to bring in our own food? It seems like every place that seems flexible still requires a licensed caterer. I am willing to get liability insurance but am contemplating the self-catering route, if only I could find a place to consider it! Even a lot of camps seem to have the caterer requirement. There was one place I found but it would require a tent rental and a surcharge of $6 per person so I would like another option if possible. I'm looking at NY (city, hudson, and LI), CT, MA, RI, and even southern VT, ME, and NH. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!