- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
How do you deal with any judgement?
How do you deal with any judgement?
@AllyBernard: i hate to say it but it seems to be difficult to avoid on these boards. In real life, I have encountered the judgement maybe twice. I called them out on it. karma… people will think whatever they want. which is fine. being rude to my face however is not.
Be happy and do not let other people ruin it. However, my biggest lesson has been to stand my ground and not put up with crap.
This may not be the most constructive response, but if I’m being honest, I just ignore it. Usually, if we are judged, it’s from outside of our families, so it doesn’t matter too much to me, I see a lot of people on here saying that people under 25 are too young, which is extremely annoying, but I have a high tolerance for annoying. Maybe that’s because I’m a political science major so I have to hear a lot of political opinions, though, lol.
I’m not that young, 27 next month. I’m commenting because I get those comments sometimes as I look younger. (18 or 19 is a common guess.) So take my comments with a grain of salt. I might not get bugged about it as much, and I might have different relevant responses.
It’s usually easy to counteract if your relationship is quite long. I throw out, “Oh, the wedding is right after our NINTH anniversary!” or “I’ll be 27!” or my favorite, “Well I MIGHT be too young, depends how old you think I am. **big smile, wiggle my eyebrows at them**”.
People get uncomfortable when you ask them to guess your age, but if THEY brought it up they can’t complain, can they?
Once, a jewellery store clerk asked me if I was a bit young to be getting married, and I was very polite in explaining that I just LOOK young, and she was stunned at my real age… But then I informed her young brides tend to not like being questioned about it by strangers, and that perhaps she should not ask women their age, and would she ask my mother that question? I did not buy anything from her based on that, even though they did have the thing I was looking for. (BM gift for my sister, certain earrings)
You can always not reveal your age and just say, “I’m older than I look.” Nobody is entitled to that information if you don’t want to share it. Then they can only guess.
People can be pretty judgemental about this stuff. I think if my mom or best friends had concerns I would hear them out, but not from random strangers!
I’m 20, don’t feel very young. No one gives me any judgement at least not too my face. But 1/3 on my high school class is engaged or married now. Well both have graduate universities and already own a house so there’s no reason for people to say we’re too young. I don’t hang aroun people who aren’t supportive an loving
I’ve only heard the age thing once…
I’m 20 right now… I’ll be 21 when our wedding day comes this October (of 2013)
The only negative opinion I’ve gotten is from my… ahem… pothead cousin.
I gave him what I hope was a very grace-filled response and left it at that (he of course brought it up on Facebook… and I was really surprised by how many people jumped to my defense)
Generally, however, Sweetie and I don’t deal with those comments because we’ve been very open, and intentional about our relationship since the beginning. Everyone knew what we were pursuing… and expected a proposal to happen quickly haha
I’ll be one month shy of 23 when I get married and my family supports it. We’ve been together 4 1/2 years already and it will be closer to 5 years when we tie the knot. We’ve also lived together for 4 years.
With outsiders, I’ve learned to ignore it. I don’t think I’m too young. I actually feel more mature than A LOT of 22 year olds that I know. I don’t party, drink, or do drugs. I am a workaholic who enjoys time alone at home! People who judge obviously don’t know you very well and their opinion shouldn’t matter as much as it may bug you. I’ve finally just now started to coming to terms with that though..
I just try to remember that the people saying those things don’t know me and think about all the reasons they are wrong 😉
I got engaged when I was 21 and I’ve only had one person say anything to me. I was sitting in starbucks and the mother of a guy I knew in high school came over to me and asked if I went to such-and-such high school (I knew who she was but she didn’t know who I was- she was one of those mother’s who always complained about everything growing up) and so I asked about her son, and then she asked what I was up to, I told her I was getting married and moving out of the country and she looked at me fairly dissapprovingly and said “you’re too young!” I just smiled and kind of laughed it off. That’s really all you can do with strangers.
Don’t let the bastards get you down, as they say.
I’m 22. No one ever says I’m too young. I don’t know how I’d handle that honestly haha. One of my coworkers todday said “I just don’t get why people would get engaged and married at our age. I want to wait so I can get a really nice ring and a dress I actually like, instead of settling for what we can afford.” Needless to say, I was shocked that THOSE were her reasons why marrying at our age is not ideal … and I was REALLY offended that she apparently thinks we have to cut corners in order to get married, because I’m not settling on anything either 😉
I got engaged at 22 and I’ll be married at 24 but in my culture that’s completely normal going a little beyond that is considered “too old” lol
To be honest, of the people I know that are my age & getting married or have already gotten married (I’m 21), I sort of look at them dissaprovingly too.
It’s not because of their age per se, it’s because of the immaturity that they positively reek of.
Nobody has told my us that we are too young, but I’m sure much of that is based on the way that we carry ourselves. We have been together just shy of 3yrs & have never been “on again, off again.” We are both in college & pursuing careers. We do not want children for many years.
Almost everybody that I meet, when they find out how old I am, seems shocked.
Frankly, I understand why many people think my age is too young. So many people at 21 are NOT ready. They have not experienced enough of life, of love, of hardship, to know if they are entering a commitment that they can stand by for eternity. So, while I have never been questioned or berated for my age, if I were, I would understand.
I deal with ageism all the time at job, because I primarily work with clients that are at least 10yrs my senior. The best I can possibly do is show them how I am the exception to their rule.
I’m 20 and my Fiancé is 24… I havent gotten much judgement because people usually first ask how I met my fiancé… And my mother actually went back to college to get her degree and he was in one if her classes… She was actually friends with him for a good year before I even met him. It’s actually funny because after I met him for the first time volunteering at their class event… I told my dad that I met my future husband. Then a couple of months later I volunteered at a camp my mom was working for their professor and that was when we discovered a true interest in one another. While at the camp, two of the little girls attending asked if he and I were going to get married. (This was when were first really started talking to each other!!!!) we are actually getting married in Shenandoah national park because it is a symbol of the beginning our journey together 🙂
Also we have been together for a solid 3 years. We don’t plan on having kids.. We can’t afford them yet! We are currently working and finishing our degrees! We are hard workers and very mature for our age.
So far no judgement. A few of my relatives married young so its nothing new.