Anybody else disappointed with reactions to your engagement?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@soontobemrsm11:  If you aren’t close to them, why do you care? There is also the chance they didn’t see the post. I let my aunts know via FB message because I’m not super close with them but I wanted them to know before just posting a status. You can’t be mad that someone didn’t like a post… well you can… but it’s kind of crazy. You didn’t take the time to directly let them know, so you can’t expect much in the way of a reaction.

Post # 4
6455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you’re not close enough to call or text them than I don’t understand why it bothers you so much. 

Post # 5
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@soontobemrsm11:  Um, ok, it’s Facebook. “Liking” a comment or post isn’t exactly a vote of support or non-support. It’s just Facebook. It’s not real life. I’m sorry you are disappointed but don’t let them liking or not liking your post immediately make you feel less loved.

Post # 6
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@soontobemrsm11:  Not sure what country you are in, but in the US a lot of us had the day off yesterday so people may not have been near computers.

Post # 7
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Um… it’s Facebook. people miss posts all the time. Just call people up!

Post # 8
103 posts
Blushing bee

I would definitely call people – that’s what I did (and as soon as my FI proposed my mom basically handed me the phone and said okay go!). I didn’t call everyone, but I called my aunts, grandmother, godmother, best friends, and basically all the women in the family. Then my mom passed it along to her brothers. I also posed on facebook, but only after calls were made.  They may actually be dissapointed that you didn’t call.  But I agree with others, facebook is not real life, and certain people are strictly passive in their use of it. Don’t judge their excitement based on whether or not they “liked” it.

Post # 9
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

its Facebook IMO it doesnt really matter. I dont expect my family and friends to be ontop of everyone one of my FB posts. Plus, with all the changes in facebook some of e=my very best friends dont even show up in my news feed so I miss their posts regularly, but it doesnt mean we arent good friends. If they have stuff they want to tell me, of I want to check in with them I will call them. With the whole follow/unfollow settings im sure my posts dont show up in everyone else newsfeed either.

I didnt care who did or didnt comment or like my engagement on Facebook.

Is your marriage going to be any less important, loving  or real just because you didnt get a lot of likes on facebook? No, your marriage will be exactly the same and just as important no matter the online response you get.

Post # 10
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m not on FB and seeing posts like this make me glad I continue to avoid that site like the plague.

If you’re not close enough to call people to tell them about your engagment, you shouldn’t be surprised that they’re not “liking” your post.  In fact, I have heard from friends that posted their engagement or whatever on FB, that people are getting upset because that’s the only place they’re finding out about things; in other words, no one uses the phone or any type of communication where people actually talk to each other.

I would let it go.

Post # 12
166 posts
Blushing bee


soontobemrsm11:  I know this is old, but don’t feel badly about it, if people are not on the screen at the time you post then they don’t know. My family loves my 5 year old little guy so I know they would never ignore a pic I post, but sometimes they just aren’t on to see and comment. No worries! Sometimes I just tag his Gran and that is good! 

I really do think the notifications keep changing so I bet a lot didn’t see it! 

Post # 13
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My engagement’s now nearly two years in my history, but I can say this: all of the media representations where family strains, stresses and bigotry fall away is almost always bullshit. Sometimes, an engagement can add fuel to those fires; other times, it has no impact. Still *other* times, people who are jealous and want those things for themselves choose to stay silent.

Most people were “meh” enough about our engagement. Most asked to see the ring, his parents took us out for a celebratory dinner that night (unprompted and very awesome of them). The *only* person who acted like a spoiled bitch was…no surprise…his sister. She lives several hundred miles away, and she and my husband are worlds apart, so thankfully they’re not super-close (I’d have dumped him years ago if that were the case — I couldn’t take it).

SIL has always been the type to give her lovely “advice” to anyone and everyone; doesn’t matter if you’re sending out obvious “shut up” vibes. She will prattle on and on. She’s also the type who is obviously jealous. Around the time we got engaged, I had lost a great deal of weight — meanwhile, she was six months pregnant. Naturally, her pregnancy dominated the conversation (I’m cool with that — a new niece! How exciting!). Then, her husband off-handedly mentioned my weight loss. What resulted was a two-minute discussion that involved SIL glowering at me from across the table the entire time. Very comfortable.

But, enough back story. I mentioned my then-recent-engagement on Facebook. While others were sending their congrats, her only response was, “Hope the wedding’s later next year so we can come.” By this point, her then-unborn baby would’ve been about a year old. I thought that giving her 4 months after the baby’s birth to recover was more than ample time. I politely explained that we were getting married in March in the same thread.

Her response was simply, “Let us know the date for this great event…that is, if we’re even invited. Haha.”

I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle a passive-aggressive bitch. I told my husband that I was willing to work on the date if there was a legitimate REASON (other than vague “so we can come…” Why can’t you come in March? Keep in mind, this was nearly a year’s notice). When he called her to discuss the problem, she just started texting with, “Whatever, it’s your wedding.”

Turns out she was concerned her husband couldn’t get time off of work. Fine, that’s legitimate (why she couldn’t say this before is beyond me). They could have made the wedding with him missing 2 days of work comfortably. Instead, he took the entire week off, then, two days before the wedding, chose to bitch and moan about how he had wasted “all of” his vacation time to make the trip.

I just rolled my eyes. You can only adjust a wedding so much for two people who live several hundred miles away. While I get that traveling with a baby can be annoying, I’d rather travel with a 3 or 4-month-old than a one-year-old. At least the younger babies tend to nap more often.

I reminded my husband that if we waited to get married in the fall, she’d likely be due with another baby (she loved talking about how she wanted her kids close together), and then we’d have to postpone the wedding AGAIN because she was within a few months of her due date or something. It’s always something with attention-seeking people.

But, OP, I’m no bigot: congratulations on your engagement. Nasty people will be nasty no matter the good in your life.

Post # 14
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry this happened, but I do agree with others who say that if you don’t talk to them, it shouldn’t really matter that much.

I know exactly how you feel though, the first two people I told on my side of the family were my mother and my father [they are divorced]. My father’s first reaction was, “Well, I don’t have any money”. And my mother’s reaction was basically the same thing. Mind you, I’ve never once hinted that they should contribute at all, and I’ve known my whole life that I would be paying for my own wedding, BOTH of my parents are horrible with money, and neither of them are saving for their own retirements, so I’d never dream of asking.

But, it still really hurt. I never got a congratulations from either of them.. I actually just stopped mentioning it to my family entirely. I only told one more person about our engagement, and it was my aunt & uncle. My uncle basically told me that we should worry about getting a home first [which really doesn’t make any sense to me?]. No congrats from him, either.

FI’s family has really been great, though! His entire side are really excited for the wedding, so at least SOME people are happy for us!

Post # 15
2632 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I got a ‘Oh. Well it’s nice to know that he actually likes you.’ From one of my best friends. When she said she didn’t know we had talked about marriage and I said it had come up a few times and I wasn’t expecting it this soon but I knew it was happening eventually, she said ‘Well those are the things you’re supposed to tell your friends’

About a month or maybe two before I got engaged, we were at the mall, and she was getting her brand new engagement ring cleaned, and she and I had an ENTIRE CONVERSATION about how he and I had gone to look at rings. :/

I’m sorry that your fam isn’t being excited for you. It sucks. 

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors