- 3 years ago
I’m a longtime lurker but this is my first time posting. I stumbled upon this site helping with my friend’s wedding and really liked/respected a lot of the advice given here so I stuck around. I’m hoping you wise ladies (and men) can help me get over a bump I’ve hit in my relationship with my SO of two years. *Warning, this is long.*
I’ve noticed a communication trait of SO’s that kind of bugs me but I don’t know how to express it. He has a habit of frequently reaching out to people via text, email and social media to be friendly. This happens with both males and females, but I’m obviously more wary about the women he does this with. Nothing he says is overtly flirting, but it’s the action that I’m not used to. For instance, he comments on the statuses of FB acquaintances frequently or will text coworkers outside of the office to share things he thinks they’d like. Meanwhile, I’m the opposite, where I’m more outgoing in person, but really only interact with my close friends and family otherwise.
This came up recently because of a girl ‘Z’ who SO used to work with. Z was a pretty, flirty girl who pretty much did zero work. She and SO were on a project together and he sometimes covered for her lack of work ethic. It annoyed me to no end, especially because SO was eventually reprimanded for covering for her. Z ended up sleeping with a client about a year ago, getting fired, and moving to another city. SO and Z haven’t stayed in touch since.
SO was on a business trip a few weeks ago with his project team in the city that Z moved to. He told me that he’d emailed her to invite her to join the group for dinner. She declined, but I was still kind of miffed that he even contacted her in the first place. They aren’t close friends, so it was strange to me that he took it upon himself to invite her. He didn’t think it was inappropriate because he happily told me about it. There have been a handful of other similar incidents like this that have me scratching my head.
I’ve been puzzling over this to try to figure out exactly WHY this bothers me. He and I have talked about it but I don’t even know what to say – “it’s weird when you freely contact so many acquaintances about random things”?? It’s tough because I know he does this with everybody, but I also think his actions can easily be misconstrued when it comes to other women. He’s also only overly communicative in this one area – otherwise, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk about feelings or things that bother him.
Is anybody else’s SO/FI/DH like this too? I would appreciate any thoughts because I’m just so confused. FYI we are in our late 20s/early 30s.