Post # 1
Hey bees, I hate to write such a complaining post, but I’m feeling really down today and can really use your help. So my boyfriend and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago, but I didn’t even post on here about it yet because I’ve been feeling so poopy about it. I’m so excited to be engagedand love my future husband more than anything, but peoples reactions have put a huge damper on the excitement.
My FI and I have been dating since we were 15. We are now 24 (about to turn 25). Where we are from, thats still on the younger side to be getting married, but since we’ve been together for so long, it felt like the logical next step and the timing felt right. I thought most people would be very excited for us since we’ve been together for so long. We’re both still close with our friends from high school, so they’ve all really seen our relationship develop from the beginning. But we’re the only people in either of our groups of friends that are engaged or even close to that stage. Several of our friends have never even been in serious relationships. I thought that despite all that, eveyone would be happy and excited for us, unfortunately that has not been the case 🙁
Now I know no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do, but these are my friends and I would think they would be excited that something positive is happening in my life. A lot of peoples reactions however have been more along the lines of “great you’re getting married and I don’t even have a boyfriend/girlfriend” etc. The few of our friends that are in relationships I think now feel pressure with their SO’s about their relationships and some people just haven’t commented or reacted at all. The whole thing just makes me feel uncomfortable and sad that they can’t just be happy for us. Furthermore it makes me feel shitty about spending money on a wedding to invite people who feel stressed and upset that its taking place. I know I can’t force people to be happy for me, but it just really stings and makes it hard for me to enjoy what is supposed to be a happy time.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Were you the first in your group to get engaged? Did it cause negative reactions from those who weren’t at that stage yet?
Thanks for reading 🙂
Post # 3
I’m the first one in my group of friends to be engaged. Most of my friends are now in serious relationships, but still can’t imagine getting engaged for about another year. They were all very happy for us though, and not jealous, etc.
Post # 4
I have 100% been in your exact situation. Within our core group of friends, we are the first to basically do everything-live together, get married, and I’m sure we’ll end up the first to have kids too. 90% of our group is single, and then there are a few couples, but only one other is anywhere close to being engaged. The couple that are close were still a very new couple when we got engaged last year though.
I have had a few comments here and there along the lines of people feeling like it’s really weird that we’re getting married, it makes them feel old and weird about being single, etc etc etc, but for the most part people have been supportive.
The thing I have found the hardest is that I don’t have ANYONE to talk to! No one has gone dress shopping, or had to pick a caterer, or even knows what a STD IS. I have no one to comiserate with. Weddingbee is awesome, and the ladies here are AMAZING, but sometime syou really want the people you KNOW to feel excited.
I don’t have advice really, I just wanted you to know I know how you feel 🙂
Post # 5
@sara_tiara: I’m totally with you, that the hardest part is not having anyone to talk about the stuff with. My sister got married about 2 years ago so I will talk to her about what she did etc., but she has a baby now so she is more in that stage now than weddings. I think this is also why i love weddingbee so much!
Post # 6
We were the first of our friends. People aren’t really jealous. But we always get the “OMG that’s so weird. youre getting/are married. how weird is that?”. People actually ask me how weird it is.
I’m not really offended because it is such a big step. And I guess someone has to be the first right?
Post # 7
I’m the first in my circle of friends to get engaged, but there are a couple friends of friends that I don’t really know that have been married and had kids already, so maybe for some of my friends it isn’t the first. Everyone has been really supportive but then again I’m older (28) and most of my friends are at least in relationships. That sucks your friends can’t be there for you, they need to realise its not about them. Try being like “Oh I’m sorry would you rather me not be happy? would that make you happy?” They should seriously keep the negativity to themselves and be happy for you!
Post # 9
Hey – I thought I’d respond from the other end of the spectrum. I was one of the last in my group of friends to get married… and, it’s really no different. 🙂
You’ll find you have certain friends that are supportive in ways you never dreamed they could or would be – and then you’ll have other friends that you’ll expect their support and they will be the farthest thing from your wedding planning.
Also – it seems that weddings are the perfect place for lots of emotion (both good, bad, and ugly) to come out.
Here’s the thing – with your group of friends they may not realize how they are reacting or even know how to react. You will need to be pretty specific with anything you do or do not want them to do. ie: don’t expect your girlfriends to want to go dress shopping or anything shopping. Invite them along (and don’t be too upset if they say no). The ones that can be happy for you will – and the others that just want to wallow in their own misery will do just that.
Unfortunately, you can’t control how people react to you – you can only manage your expectations and give them opportunities to be supportive friends.
I’m sorry this has been a rocky experience for you….. the hive is a GREAT place and will be a wonderful tool for you in all aspects of your planning!
Post # 10
i’m not yet engaged, but the proposal is coming in the next few months, and i will be the first of my friends. i’m hoping that they’ll be supportive and happy for me, and i’m sure they will be, but i do have the fears that you’re going through, because it can be unknown territory and people just don’t know quite how to react sometimes. i’m also 24, and it’s quite a young age where i’m from to get engaged etc.
i know it’s hard when you feel a bit rained on when something great happened, but try to keep hold of the feeling that you’re engaged to your love! no one can take that happiness away from you 🙂