Post # 1
I see a lot of rants on weddingbee about receiving bad gifts or not receiving from a registry and whatnot. I feel very uncomfortable even receiving a gift. It is a celebration of my love for FI not a way to receive gifts. Ironically I have set up a registry (with a lot of 20-50 dollar gifts) because most people want to give something but it makes me feel like a money-grabbing bride.
I hope people show up with a hand written card instead.
Maybe I feel this way because I went through a time when gift giving was difficult for me, financially speaking, and I would always show up with something small and unspecial but always with a heartfelt and special hand-written card. This was not because I wanted to be cheap but because student loans, and life cost more than what I had at the time (no partying, no eating out, no new clothes- just diapers, formula, books and student loans).
Anybody else feel that gifts are uncomfortable?
Post # 3
@Elm tree: Erm I feel like this. Massively, in life. I feel so awkward when friends give me gifts. Even now I find it hard to even think about how kind people were to us… I couldnt have a bridal shower as even the term shower made me cringe, being “showered” with gifts seemed so horridly grabby. I would never allow someone to organize an event on my behalf for the purpose of giving me gifts.
Post # 4
no way jose. i love getting gifts. i wish i could say i didnt because it might make me sound like a better person, but i really just do. that being said, i would never ever ever demand gifts from anyone and my definition of a gift is something given with thought andcare… that can be something free or inexpensive from a handwritten card or sketch, or in the case of a wedding a towel set because that person is thinking of our future and helping us on our way!
Post # 5
This is us. People coming IS my gift. Come to my wedding-that’s all I want. I wish people were OK with that. I have a lot of family that’s “MUST BUY GIFTS REGESTER SOMEWHERE OMFG”
Post # 6
I really loved all the gifts we got, even the wacky ones. I really appreciate when people take the time and money to do something nice. That being said I am INCREDIBLY uncomfortable opening gifts in front of people. My bridal showers were torture.
Post # 7
I really, really don’t want gifts from anyone who has to travel to come to my wedding, and almost everyone has to travel to come to my wedding. The amount it costs for a couple to fly somewhere and stay in a hotel room for 2+ nights (or the “time cost” plus the “cost cost” of driving) is way more than any gift I would expect to receive. A gift on top of that is too much; I would feel guilty.
I don’t know how I would feel about gifts if we were having a local wedding with a totally local guest list (does such a thing still exist??). Still awkward, I think, but not as guilty. It’s kind of a moot point though because there’s nowhere in the world we could have held it and had a majority local guest list.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I’m a little uncomfortable on the thought of getting gifts for my 2nd wedding… I feel like people might resent the fact that they got me something for wedding #1 why give again?
Post # 9
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is uncomfortable. I feel so alone in this. FI went crazy with the scanning gun, just pointing and shooting. It’s completely normal to him.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Nope. I’m ued to it. My mother’s love language is gift-giving, so I’ve been getting ridiculously unnecessary gifts my whole life. It bothers me that she spends so much money but she gets SO much joy out of it, so I’ve gotten used to receiving gifts. Since I also give gifts for things like showers and weddings, I have no problem getting them when it’s my turn. Our culture of gift giving at events helps cost share. It would be really burdensome, for example, for a young couple (and perhaps their parents) to pay for everything needed to prepare for a first child, but by giving to friends and then getting in turn later, we share that cost over many, many years.
Post # 11
I love surprises. I, however, feel awkward receiving gifts. It’s not necessarily altruistic, but I just feel weird. I’m not an overly excitable person, so people sometimes think I don’t like a gift, even though I love it.
I don’t think anyone needs to bring a gift, nor do I expect people to do it in a sense that I’ll be disappointed/angry if they don’t.
Though, at christmas time, I LOVE giving gifts. So much more than receiving them.
Post # 12
@HeathenSwan: Exactly my sentiments. I’m not being alturistic it’s just a weird feeling to get them.
Post # 13
I’m in the same boat. Ours is a DW in another country and we actually have on our website “Your presence is our present.” We have a small registry up at Crate & Barrel and people who aren’t traveling to our wedding have been going there (by choice) and buying items but we really don’t want anything. We can afford to buy what we want ourselves. Coming to my wedding IS my gift. I would be so uncomfortable if someone paid $2000 to travel to my wedding and then felt they had to buy a gift too.
Post # 14
I am very uncomfortable receiving gifts in front of people and being the center of attention. Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of friends, so I’m really socially awkward. I really hope that I have a good ‘poker’ face and don’t make any huge social faux pas.
Post # 15
@Elm tree: I hope it doesn’t make you too uncomfortable, because oddly enough,your attitude may make people more likely to give you gifts. It is sweet and sincere, as young lovers just starting out on the adventure of a lifetime are supposed to be; and all your friends and family who are NOT sweet and young and just starting out, want to have a little vicarious part part of your joy, by contributing to your household. And, frankly, since we are not just starting out, many of us comfortably-well-off enough that what we contribute is not really a hardship.
So as long as you aren’t out there drumming up contributions for yourself, or looking for ways to tell us that you’d rather just have cash, don’t feel guilty. Just remember that “a simple thank-you will suffice”, and pay us back by using and enjoying the gifts. If there isn’t a hand-written note with it, it may be because arthritis is harder on note-writing than on gift-giving. The love behind the gift remains the same.
Post # 16
A little bit, because our wedding has a small guest list (50). Of that 50, a lot are travelling well over 6 hours. My wedding is also in December (3 days before Christmas), so hotel room prices are extra high.
I’ve already repeatedly emphasized that I could care less about gifts. Everyone that has been invited is very dear to me, so all I care about is their presence.
But hey, I wouldn’t complain if I scored another unicorn lamp!