(Closed) Anybody have a family only wedding? How did friends/people take it?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee

@Galang_Gyal:  I am having, but have not had, a family only wedding. We were very upfront with our friends. Of course, all of my friends knew that I wanted to elope, so it was no big deal. FI already started verbally inviting people to the wedding even though we said we weren’t having friends there. He didn’t even bother to say anything to them when I announced that our families only so I have no idea how they took it. I think the friend who introduced us feels like she should be there but oh well. We can’t invite her and not invite all our other friends.

I think it would be great to pay the girls back for their dresses by the way. It leaves less hard feelings.

Post # 5
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think a family-only wedding is fine if that’s what you can afford and you’re okay with it. I would reimburse the bridesmaids for their dresses, definitely.

Post # 6
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee

@Galang_Gyal:  I feel like people would understand if you told them that you are having a family only wedding. When it comes down to it, not everyone has 25K to drop on a wedding and other people have to understand.

Post # 8
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I too am a “people pleaser” type of person and totally understand your dilemma. In my own wedding planning process there were many times I wanted to ditch everything due to the financial and overall emotional stress. Even though our invitations had been sent, one BM dress bought and my dress as well, I was willing to undo everything including uninviting (and having explaining to 150 people) our guests for the sake of my sanity. My then fiance reassured me that everything would work out and it did but if my meltdowns wernt temporary I would have picked my and my SO’s financial/emotional well being over pleasing others.

If I was your BM and you explained your reason for eloping I would be understanding and supportive. As my friend your emotional/financial well being triumphs over the cost of a dress anyday!!

Post # 9
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am also having family only wedding, with the expection of 3 friends that I have known for over 10 yrs. I’m only inviting parents (of course), grandparents, aunts, uncles and my nina. No kids, no cousins, no extended family. I’m also a people pleaser and was feeling bad about not inviting certain people, but in the end if we don’t have the budget then what can we do. And you need to be happy for your big day. As long as the people you want there the most are there, that’s all that matters. I would rather elope but FI wants a wedding, ugh! lol. 

FI just told me that there’s this new etiquette trend going on. Sending not invited guest a non-invitation saying how sorry they were not invited do to whatever your resason is and to let them know they were’nt invited because you didn’t want to. FI likes the idea and said we might need to do that for some family members and friends, but I still don’t know about that one. lol

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We did the same – planned a big wedding, asked bridal party, cancelled big wedding, now throwing a small, family-only wedding. If you already had them get their dresses, then it would be a really nice gesture to refund them. But I would hope your BMs are understanding enough to not be offended.

As a people-pleaser, I have to keep telling myself that this is our ONE day to invite only those we want there. I’ve made a few concessions for my FI (he initially wanted just parents/grandparents/sibs; we’ve added his aunts/uncles/cousins. Now we’re at 30 people and CAN’T go any higher – the venue doesn’t allow it 🙂

Just remember that this day is about you and your FI. If people don’t understand, just explain the best you can that it is not personal, but a matter of budget. Surely people will understand “with the economy” and all 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  I know. He said he wants to give my dad a wedding because he knows he’ll be hurt. Shouldn’t I be concern about my dad? lol But he’s sweet. My FI wants to have a party after our wedding, months after, for our friends that aren’t invited. 

Post # 13
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee

@echolove:  I got flamed on one of the boards for admitting that I sent a message to my friends explaining that I am having a family only wedding. Apparently, a lot of Bees think this is tacky and that no invitation is explanation enough. I simply felt like my friends deserved an explanation as to why they are not being invited even though I was invited and in six of their weddings.  

Post # 14
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MRSsrm85:  I don’t see anything wrong with explaining to your friends. Its not like you purposely not inviting that specific friend. Its a family only wedding, which should be explained enough, but sometimes you just want to tell your friends yourself to make sure they understand. I’ll be doing the same. How is that tacky? lol

Post # 15
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Galang_Gyal:  

I think you are doing a very smart thing but having a wedding that falls within your financial constraints.  It truly pains me to see couples go into debt because they do things that they feel is expected of them.  I think family only weddings are just perfect actually.  Then again, I was always brought up with the option that weddings are a pain in the ass for all involved, so just elope (words of my father), so I find it hard to believe that anyone would be upset about you doing because it works best for your budget.

I would tell the girls that you will either work on getting their money back or pay them back yourself.

 

I had a big DW planned and cancelled it 4 months prior (no one got plane tickets yet).  I tried to put together a family only wedding, but in the end it was an elopement with H’s parents. 

Post # 16
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee

@echolove:  That’s exactly what I thought! I felt like my friends deserved more than just no invitation as an invitation. I think you should go ahead and do it if you want to whether or not the ladies of WeddingBee think it’s tacky.

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