Post # 1
Hello ther fellow bees, long time lurker first time poster here.
My Fiance and i were originally going to have a nice evening reception after a simple ceremony with just family as were both quite shy, however everybody kept putting their ideas in and telling us what to do which ended in arguments and we have only been engaged for two weeks!!
We sat down together and worked out what we really want from the day and both agreed that we just want to be husband and wife and not bride and groom. So we decided to keep our simple ceremony in the town hall registry office and take our guests (around 35-40 people) to a restaurant for a meal afterwards. No party, no dress, no flowers, no cake.
It is more our style because we are so shy and hate having attention we both agreed that we just want our families there (and my best friend, her husband and two children) so the guest list would be around 40 people max.
We plan on paying for a meal for everybody afterwards but we dont have that much cash so were planning on asking everybody to pay for their own drinks as we want to be out for a few hours so it isnt rushed and we can all enjoy ourselves.
Does this seem acceptable? Ive never tried to plan anything before and just want to get it over with so we can start our married life and have children lol.
Any advice welcome, also do we send formal invites for this or just tell the people in person?
Post # 3
@bouncybee: That sounds like a fabulous reception to me. You’ll be eating great food, surrounded by your loved ones…I don’t think anyone will (or should) complain 🙂
ETA: We usually do this for our graduations/special occassions, and we send out invitations so that evryone has the logistics and details on-hand (but I don’t think your invitations need to be very formal). Renting out a private party room is a great way to ensure there is space for everyone and that your group gets pinpointed service, too. Plus, restaurants typically have specially meal package rates that can help keep costs down.
Post # 4
I think that sounds lovely. I think asking guests to pay for drinks is fine, spesh for such a chilled out reception.
Perhaps you could look and see if the restaurant you go to can do a set meal package for you to keep costs in check. I should think most places would. You might even be able to get a first drink included as well.
Post # 5
Your wedding sounds lovely! To make things easier, I’d see if you could hire out a room in the restaurant for your party or ask whether there is any possibility of doing a set menu (maybe with a couple of options). That might save you some money (particularly if the room hire is free or you go at an unpopular time of day – i.e. not lunch/dinnertime).
It’s very kind of you to pay for a meal for your guests. If your budget allowed, you could provide your guests with an initial drink – perhaps a soft drink or, as I guess there’s about 4-5 glasses of wine per bottle, you could buy 6 bottles to start the celebration. You might be able to get a good deal on cava/prosecco/bucks fizz/sparkling wine/champers.
I would send formal invites but they need not be expensive or fancy – even an e-mailed one would do. I think it’s nice for people to have everything written down so they know where to be and when. In this instance, you might want to also say, ‘A meal will be provided and there is a cash bar at the venue.’
Post # 6
I think that’s a great idea. I would try to be clear with your guests about what you’re “hosting” (aka paying for” and what you’re not. For example –
Please join us for the ceremony and dinner. If you would like to come to the afterparty it will be at x bar.
This way it’s clear that you’re paying for the restaurant and they’re paying for whatever they get at the bar.
Post # 7
@bouncybee: This is actually exactly what we were going to do when we first got engaged. The restaurant part. Except that we were going to have five people (us, the officiant and two witnesses) and actually sign the papers at the restaurant. So, to me, what you’re planning sounds absolutely perfect. We didn’t end up going that route (we went with 20 people at our home), but if we could go back and do it over, that’s exactly what we would do. We don’t regret the memories we made that night, but we did realize that to be truest to ourselves, we should have gone with the restaurant eat-and-wed plan.
It sounds incredible. Congratulations to you both, and good luck!
Post # 8
I’m not shy and this is what I wanted. Great idea!
Post # 9
Sounds very nice to me. In fact, I sort of wish we’d done something similar, because we could then have got our religious ceremony without the fuss.
Post # 10
So glad people dont think its tacky, were just wondering if it might be easier to have a buffet at home instead of a sit down meal out somewhere, the price difference is around £200 as my mum is willing to put it all together instead of paying somebody else to do it. Not too sure on that one atm i should probably consult mr bouncybee lol.
It was suggested by my mum whilst out at lunch today so not discussed it with anybody else yet but wondered if anybody had opinions on sit down meal in restaurant or a buffet at home (since its all family anyway).
Post # 11
@bouncybee: This sounds like a great idea to me!! I like your buffet at home idea.. that way people aren’t all ordering the most expensive item on the menu. Also, you could control the booze as well (or get people to bring their own without worrying it’ll sound awkward).
Post # 12
We’re planning on having a semi-elopement destination wedding and we just want to go for dinner afterwards. No dancing but after the dinner we’re hoping to hit a bar and have fun.
I think your plans sound lovely!
Post # 13
@canarydiamond: We will be able to supply basic booze like beer and wine for people if we do the buffet and we can probably provide a better atmosphere than in a restaurant because you dont have the issues of food not being right or waiting ages to be served and us making sure nobody is adding drinks to the tab me and Fiance are paying for.
I think its a better idea i just dont know how to convince Fiance on it =/ I’m not sure which he would prefer and his family are quite snobbish so i think he would reject the idea in case they judged him for it but were broke and dont wanna splash out on something we arent fussed about. Our biggest splurge is gonna be the honeymoon and thats because its a gift but im worried his family will think we shouldnt have a honeymoon if we cant afford a wedding but its our day right?
Post # 14
@bouncybee: Damn right it’s your day. You don’t owe people anything.
If you can’t convince your Fiance to do the buffet thing, I would suggest paring the dinner down a bit. 40 people is a LOT to pay for at a restaurant.
I don’t have any good ideas on how to tell them it’s buy their own booze, but I would not shell out for anything you can’t afford.
We’re eloping (just us two), not having any kind of reception, and going on a nice honeymoon. We don’t feel bad about it 😉
Post # 15
@canarydiamond: He agreed to the buffet so we will be holding that at my mums house as its a side street so plenty of room to park and my nan is in a wheelchair and our house is up some steps. We allocated around £200 for the buffet and drinks which for only 40 people is plenty especially since 8 of those are children. Its gonna save us around £300 and means we wont be rushed or muddled with our bill at the restaurant so im happy now =] thanks for all the advice 🙂