- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
My sister was adopted! And so was Superman! :-)
All I can say is that it's a very delicate process, and there are soooo many tricky elements to manage... but if you can work through them all, it can be incredibly rewarding!
If I were adopting, I would definitely talk to a number of adoptive parents and children... including both those who felt it went well, and also those who felt it didn't. Nothing beats talking to those with experience...
Good luck!!
I plan on adopting. I too have always felt really drawn to it. We are not yet married, so this is still more of a dream than a plan, but would love to chat about early thoughts.
My current thought is to have 2 biologically and then adopt our 3rd. That being said, if getting pregnant natually doesn't happen easily for us, I'm not sure how many additional steps I would take. Absolutely no disrespect to those who try IFV, ect, but we may just try to adopt immediately if things don't progress. I really, really adopt and have no problems with adopting all of our children. It's just hard since it's so expensive.
Im adopted and so are my two brothers!! :)
I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old and I went to the same family as my middle brother (he is my half brother biologically) so thats pretty cool :)
p.s if you want to ask any questions go ahead about our whole experience. There is heaps of info about the differant type of adoptions that you can get.
Such as surrogate, closed adoption (means that when the birth mother gives the child up for adoption they cannot contact the child at all unless the parent registers on a contact list and then the child has to register when their 18 and above) Then there is one where the child can access their records(the slang term for it "limited adoption").
I can't really expain it, but I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. As we try for our own biological kiddies, the talk of adoption has come up more and more between the hubby and I. He wasn't always on board, but I think he's warming up to the idea. If I'm not preggers by this time next year, we're going to start the process. Although, regardless if I can have "my own" kiddies or not, I still want to adopt. I am worried about the cost though. We have decided that we really want to do an International adoption...which costs around $14,000. Yikes!
I have always wanted to adopt, even with all of the risks and complications it involves. Mr P&T has more mixed feelings, so when we decide we're ready to have children there will be a LOT of discussion about it, but I hope we end up having one biological child and adopting one child. :)
@sushi - is that really a lot more than hospital bills and new pregnancy clothes and all the weird food you'd crave would cost though? :)
I too have wanted to adopt for along time. Some of my closest friends adopted two of their (six) kids, and knowing them has only strengthened my desire to adopt. She is forever telling me that in her opinion, adoption was a lot easier for them because they'd already had four other kids - so even with the language barrier (international adoption) and medical conditions that their boys had (they were older when they were adopted, already school age), there was a lot that they as parents intuitively understood, because their other 4 had gone through the same emotional stages and had the same needs, besides some of the special needs. She said their experience really helped prepare them.
Older adoption is a really special situation though; babies are easier, IMHO.
There is a very high chance that I unfortunately cannot have children naturally. My FI and have have decided that when the time is ready that we will try IV, but if we are unsucessful we will start the adoption process. I want to be a mother more than anything so whether I have a baby natutally or adopt I will have a family.
I have a very strong desire to adopt - especially here. Adoption is very abnormal in Korea because of strong Confucian beliefs honouring blood ties, but unwed mothers are also super taboo. Therefore, there are still a lot of kids being adopted by parents abroad even though Korea is a relatively developed country. Nevertheless, overseas adoption of Korean kids is a really controversial issue here. But...since FI is Korean, our home will be bilingual, and we will live here for another 10-15 years, I think we are in an ideal situation to adopt + give the child a solid foundation in Korean culture. The problem....FI's parents would be very upset if they had non- blood relation grandchildren :( So, we've discussed how if we have problems getting pregnant naturally, that adoption would be a good alternative because only then would his family be okay with it.
I would love to adopt! My FI def wants to have his own kids, but if we have the money to, we'd like to adopt our 3rd child. I've always felt drawn to it. My aunt and sister's mom are adopted. And my aunt adopted two beautiful boys who have the same biological mother. It was a very long and hard process, but they wouldn't change it for the world!
I'm VERY open to the idea of ART and adopting. Most people I know, unfortunately, are very judgemental about having children "not biologically theirs". My dad even said once that he'd rather NOT have kids than adopt b/c they wouldn't really be his kids. I mean, WTF?! And there'd be a lot of backlash if we adopted a child of another race, heaven forbid (eye roll here please). It's just not common in the midwest....people here see it as "not" your kid. It's ridiculous. I'm from Cali and knew LOTS of adopted people and my parents were always judgemental, very sad. Makes me angry thinking about it! If we end up adopting, I'll kindly tell them to shut their pie holes, lol. DH is open to the idea and has no problem.
I think we'll adopt if natural conception and ARTs don't work or if we have, say, 3 boys and we want a girl. Or 3 girls and want a boy. I only want to carry 3 children, tops. We are also open to surrogacy because we would like a biological child.
I do have one friend who is VERY adamant about adopting. She gets flack from our friends (omg you don't want to carry your own child?!) and she's like "Hell no!" She's my role model for handling it well =]
@daydreamwanderer: It probably would be about the same cost. Lucky for me, I'm active military, so I have free medical. Makes a HUGE difference. Having a biological child would def. be more affordable than adopting....for me, anyways.
I'm sure there are more affordable ways of going about adoption, but hubby and I have discussed and agreed that we both would really like to adopt from the Philippines. Since hubby and I are both half Filipino (both our mom's are Filipino, dads are Caucasian), we feel that our families could both benefit and keep the culture alive...if that makes any sense. My mom actually had a child when she was 18 (when she still lived in the Philippines) and put her child up for adoption. Not that I want to "make up" for that, but her story has always touched me and I would love a chance to make an impact in a child's life (and them make an impact in mine!).
I was actually almost adopted. I was an "oops baby" and was concieved when my mom was 35. She was an unwed, career-minded woman who never wanted kids. She signed up with an agency and a couple in California (a big-wig at a TV or movie studio or something) wanted me. There were papers and everything. Ultimately my mom decided she couldn't do it.
The first time I heard this story about about 3 years ago. What makes it interesting is that even before knowing all of this, before meeting FI, hell, before I even started dating, I wanted to adopt. In some weird way, this makes me want to adopt even MORE. I think FI is open to the idea, but we haven't discussed it much. I think people who adopt are people we should all look up to.
My sister is adopted. I really want to adopt as well. My FI and I figure the same as ejs we want to adopt the missing sex lol. A way to get around the extreme cost is to do it through foster children. It takes awhile to get a baby but it is worth the wait! My mum is a foster parent and adopted my sister (it didn't cost anything to adopt her.) She was 1 1/2 when she came to live with us and her adoption was finalized when she was 3. She's 4 1/2 now. Because Lena was a foster baby she gets benefits from the state even though she is no longer a child of the state. Not that this matters but she's Cambodian so it is kind of like she was adopted from outside the US. Thankfully my FI thinks adopting is cool now that he's met Lena :) Good luck to everyone!
My mom was told she had very little chance of having a baby, after a few years of trying they adopted my sister. Even after they adopted they kept trying just because. 6 years later I came along (suprise!)
We definitely will adopt if I can't get pregnant. I also have an aunt who adopted all 3 of her children.
When I was a very young child my mom told me about how overpopulated China was and how baby girls are so unwanted and sometimes killed... I was so sad. After that I put "A Chinese Baby Girl" as the number one item on my Christmas list every year. And every year my mom got me a Chinese baby girl doll of somekind... I have quite the collection... lol.
Well, I still want to adopt someday. I want to give a child a chance. But it is just soo fifficult.. not to mention extremely expensive. Which is ridiculus in my opinion. There are so many kids unwanted, in foster, etc you would think they would make it a bit easier.
Maybe someday it will still work out.
To those in families who have adopted or are adopted themselves:
If you had a choice now, would you like to have any kind of relationship to your biological family? Have you pursued such a thing?
I ask because I feel very drawn to domestic adoption of siblings. In particular, I feel drawn to adopting a child with a physical disability and his or her siblings. I know they are among the least likely to be kept with their siblings, and FI and I are particularly well-positioned to handle that challenge. We have means and perspective, as FI has a condition that temporarily robs him of his mobility, and eventually will probably leave him in a wheel chair.
Because we would like to adopt siblings, they will be older, and will have some experience with grandma and aunts and uncles. I am open to maintaining a relationship with these relatives. Thoughts?
I have some friends who are adopting from China . . . they have been unable to have their own children and are Chinese (although they grew up here). They wanted to have twins because they wanted their adopted child to know at least one biological relative., so monitajb, I think you're on the same lines as my friends.
I'm adopted! My parents brought me home when I was three weeks old. I won the lottery in the parent game. My biological mother was a teen when she had me. She chose a home for me through an agency and could not have done a better job. I'm blessed to have the BEST parents ever - we are very close, they are incredibly supportive and have given me the world (private schooling, trips, clothes, my dream wedding to name just a few) AND - my favorite part - I look like my mother! People can't believe I'm adopted when I tell them. Its pretty incredible.
For those of you who are or will or may adopt one day, there is a beautiful poem that the judge who finalized my adoption gave my mom at the end of the process:
Not breath of my breath
Not bone of my bone
But still miraculously my own
Never forget - for a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart, but in it
Good luck with the adoption process for those of you who pursue it! It is worth the effort and patience that is required :)
FH and I have always talked about adopting, as well as having our own children. I have several friends who are adopted, and one of my roommates in college was adopted as well! I think it is such a beautiful thing!
We would probably adopt from Mexico, since I am Mexican, and would be able to raise the child in an environment semi-tied to her roots. @pompom- that poem is awesome!
We have family friends that adopted two sisters together when they were a little older (youngest was 7, oldest was 11) and had such a positive experience with it that they adopted another boy when he was about 9. The youngest girl had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and they were just in a bad situation. I am amazed that this family was so kind and open. They're such a good example. The kids have no desire to talk to their biological parents, but they do talk to other siblings and half-siblings. I think the whole experience was much easier on them since they were together.
I'd have no qualms about adopting, although we won't unless we can't biologically conceive. I'm not a big family person, I only want two kids max!
Monitajb: Your question about the biological family.... I hope my answer will somewhat describe the feeling I went though.
As I said before I have two older brothers who are both adopted too. My Middle brother (he is 3 years older than me) is my half brother (same mother, differant dad). My parents recieved a phonecall when I was 4 weeks old, where my biological mother had requested that I go to live with my half brother. The adoption agency called to see if they could accomodate her request.. My mother said yes, without a hesitation and flew across the country to get me.
I have been always told I was adopted since I was little, so I knew my birth mother was out there..
Fast forward 22 years and I recieve a letter in the mail, from the adoption register saying that my birth mother wanted to contact me.. It was a 7 sentance letter.. and my world collapsed that friday. I have extremely supportive parents who knew that one day this could come. I called my middle brother.. and apparently the birth mum had already been in contact with him, but he couldnt tell her about me. Because my adoption is what they call a 'closed adoption' I have to register on the adoption register as well as the Biological Mother (BM) for her to be in contact. Where my brothers adoption was differant. I decided not to contact her.,.. I figured.. 22 years of my life I had survived without her, I could at least go with one more year.
1yr later... My brother has been in contact with BM and has met her... and because Im close to my brother.. lots of awkward phonecall conversations followed because I still didnt want to her about her.. but then my brother dropped a bombshell.
I have a twin brother and sister aged 14!! HOW COOL IS THAT!! I wanted to get to know them but still feeling awkward stage about meeting the BM. I then registered on the adoption register and recieved a letter from her which was cool and all.. I said she could call if she wanted too.
Since calling her.. My BM is somewhat differant, she is not the kind of person I would associate normally with (if that makes sense) she is always thinking she has it tough in the world and the world owes her something. She likes to drink, smoke, party her life away and still a very much of a wanderer. She texts.. all the time or calls. She thinks that I can be her best friend and treats me like one.. I find this wierd as well I dont really know her. Her and the twins live on the east coast.
Fastforward another year... and I have since met the twins, as they came over to our state to visit their grandparents and we went and hung out for a whole day and I also met my grandparents who explained about my BM who is quite a secrative person. I also found out that I have another sister somewhere out there but no one has been able to find her... she too was adopted.
If you think meeting biological parents is like one big happy family.. its a wierd relationship. Its kind of forced as usually family are people you have grown up with and share experiences.. Its mainly like meeting someone new and feeling like you have to get along with them. Sometimes you do sometimes you dont.
Im seriously glad of the family I have been brought up with. It has been a serious blessing to be in a loving family and to have 110% support behind me. If my brother wasnt in the picture I probably wouldnt have gone to meet my biological family. Im glad I got to meet the twins and my grandparents. If I couldnt have kids, adoption would be the way to go.. no hesitation!
I didn't adopt but i have (had) a foster son. The thing is i got him when he was 15 and already having a 15 year old daughter. The early year or so was a little difficult with the teenage hormones etc. mostly by my own child. But i wouldn't trade him for the world. He has grown up to be a fantastic man, i have two of the cutest g-kids from him. He stopped being a "foster" at 18. But he lived with me until he left for iraq and when he came back he moved in with his wife around the corner. He is MY son. I have a biological and a chosen. While this is not an adoption i hope it helps, it is soo worth it. There are sooo many kids out there that could use a home. Goodluck
I have loved reading this thread! I'm glad it has taken off.
A few things I noticed many of us have in common (myself included):
- We want to adopt more than our SO does. What is up with that? With the cultural emphasis that is put on "maternal instincts", you would think women would want biological children more than men, though I know men often have a strong biological drive to "spread their seed" so to speak. I also think men often think in black and white, while women can be more open-minded. My FI thinks in very linear terms, and so for him, what we'd do is try to conceive, if we can't evaluate what fertility treatments would be right for us, and then after that consider adoption. For me, adoption is another way of growing your family, not a "Plan B" if you can't conceive. I would love to experience pregnancy and childbirth but I still want to adopt if we can have kids naturally.
- We want to adopt a child that we have racial/cultural ties to. I saw several mentions of wanting adopt from a certain country (Korea, Phillipines, Mexico) because of their own heritage. The same is true for FI and I. FI is African-American, and children of AA/black descent are the least likely to be adopted. I think as a family of color, we would be very equipped to raise a child of color. I am mixed race (Cuban and white) and so I can also understand the identity crises that come with belonging to a multicultural family.
- We want to adopt the "missing" sex. Sometimes I feel a little superficial about this, but I'd like to have two kids biologically, and if they are two boys or two girls, adopt a boy or a girl. I've known families that did this and their adopted child was so doted on, because they were so wanted! I think I would especially feel that way about a girl. I also think that, as another poster said, already having children can help because you have parenting experience, and I think it can help with those feelings of "what if" that I've heard parents who's first child was through adoption can have.
It's so awesome to be able to talk with people who relate!!
My twin sister and I were both adopted from S. Korea. I have to say that we both are so thankful for those that are willing/open to adopt children whether from your own country or outside of it. We both are so grateful, we wouldn't have had the life that we do now. Of course we had known we were adopted from the getgo since my family are caucasion and we are asian. The hardest part for my family at the beginning was the language barrier, since we were 5 years of age. But after all said and done, we completed our family.
As far as trying to search for our biological parents? Most likely won't happen. We don't harbor any negative feelings or anything. Just that we're content and happy with where we are now.
I'm open to adopting and so is fiance, but he definitely wants bio kids too so idk. I'm also interested in being foster parents some day.
I want to adopt. My fiance at the beginning didnt wanted to. But he has open his heart and we are looking at adoption for next year or so. Since it takes awhile for everything to take place. We are looking at adopting from foster care, kids that are toddlers. And we want to adopt mix kids; since Im Mexican and he is black. We would like to have kids that "somewhat look like us".
My husband and I want to adopt, preferably siblings from Haiti. But we want to wait until we have one or two of our own. My husband is Haitian and has always wanted to do this. I am totally open to it, so its probably something we'll look at seriously, maybe in 5 or 6 years.
I'm up for having 2 kids biologically and then if we have the resources I would like to adopt a third. I don't really have much experience with adoption but it's something I would like to do nonetheless.
When my aunt was 16 she got pregnant and put him up for adoption. We just found out about him a couple years ago and got to meet him and his wife and kids. It was SO wonderful! He's the only boy in the family and looks just like our grandfather must have when he was young. Since our grandfather had died just a couple years earlier that made it even more special. We're more than happy to welcome him into our family and felt instantly connected to him although I can't even imagine how crazy it must be for him.
@ccranetobe - thanks so much for sharing your experience! I love this thread.
My hubby and I are definitely interested in adoption. We are hoping to have 2 kids of our own, but if that proves difficult, we don't plan on going very far down the ART road. We are interested in all types of adoption. If we aren't able to have kids of our own, we're open to adopting any ages, and I'd love to take in siblings! He works with special needs adults so I think we would be willing and able to take on special needs kids. I have always wanted a big family, but now that I'm 31 it seems like having lots of biological children is less likely - and that's fine. Surprised to hear about all the men that aren't as interested in adoption - my husband is probably more enthusiastic about it than I am.
My brother's wife had an 18 mo old when they got married, and he just became a part of the family. Obviously we are all aware that he is not "ours" biologically but it would be impossible not to love him! And I have good friends that adopted 3 sisters age 2,3,4 through the foster system. They've had them for almost 3 years now and the whole family is as happy and beautiful as can be. It is really inspiring to me how they opened their hearts and home and went from zero kids to 3 toddlers, and thrived!
My partner was always extremely enthusiastic about it (just as much or more than me). His mom and brother are adopted, so he already knew the joy and love that adoption can bring. My niece is also adopted and I can't imagine loving her any more just because there was a biological link! (Besides, people always say she looks like me!)
i love this thread. i guess i am hoping to be what you would call a "preferential adopter" - i have no desire to have biological children but am very keen on adopting or becoming a foster parent.
i had a very abusive immediate family who among other things, told me repeatedly how i was not wanted and eventually, i left them behind. but i think i am a very strong person as a result of this. it breaks my heart to think about there being children who are not wanted and loved - b/c i really know what that feels like.
i did not used to want children b/c i was scared i'd behave like my own parents - but i have done a lot of work to make sure that will not happen. i have a lot of love to share with a child and i just think i was born to give a home to kids who have maybe had a little bit of a hard time. i know this will not be easy but i know it's what i am meant to do.
my partner loves this idea too but a lot of people think its very strange and have even given me some negative feedback which i can't understand.
Im adopted! I was adopted at birth - my BM was 14 years old when i was born. I have all the respect in the world for her to know she couldnt give me a good life and to give me to someone who could.
My parents were married for 10 years and werent able to have kids, so the adopted me and POOF had two daughters (its super common!)
Im completly and totally open about being adopted so if anyone who is interested in adopting has question, i would be more than happy to answer them. every time i mention that im adopted to someone i get 20 questions, so Im used to it :)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| mypinkshoes | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
 sylvia.riggle |
9 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
I haven't heard much about adoption around here, but I have always felt pulled to adopt. FI has more of that drive to have "our" kids, that look like us and so forth, and while I get that, I wouldn't have to have that. Anyway, has anyone adopted or is anyone thinking about it?