(Closed) Anyone antsy to get engaged but not antsy to get married?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Are you wanting to get engaged but are not planning to get married until 4+ years later?
    Yes, I think getting engaged is a step I am ready for, but not marriage. : (19 votes)
    9 %
    Yes, but it's out of necessity and not what I would prefer (finances, finishing school, moving etc) : (21 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, but it was SO's decision, not mine. : (0 votes)
    Yes, for some other reason. : (7 votes)
    3 %
    No, I don't see the point in becoming engaged unless you have plans to marry within a couple years. : (107 votes)
    52 %
    No, we got engaged because we were ready to marry soon after. : (45 votes)
    22 %
    We are engaged but never plan to legally marry. : (4 votes)
    2 %
    We got engaged while pregnant and wanted to marry before our baby was born. : (1 votes)
    0 %
  • Post # 3
    4606 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    FH and I got engaged in September 2010 and won’t be getting married until March 2014, so almost 4 years. For us, we intended to get married within two years of getting engaged but it just didn’t work out that way. Future Mother-In-Law died unexpectedly in 2012 and we decided to hold off. Then, I started school in January and since FH wanted me to focus on school, and I don’t graduate until November, we decided against 2013 too. Personally, I didn’t want to wait this long. I saw no point in getting engaged if we weren’t getting married in the near future. I’ve spent longer waiting to get married than I waited to get engaged. Unfortunately it didn’t work that way but I’m very glad that the wait to get married is almost over. 

    Post # 4
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I found with anything in life the longer you push the things off the less of a chance it will be happen. Just being honest! After I got engaged I wasnt excited about having a wedding or getting married but once i started ordering sample invites, picking colors it hit me like a ton of bricks and like a light switch was flipped on.  For me I think a good time frame is within 2 years of being engaged.

    Post # 5
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @bunnyharriet:  I have been engaged since 2009.  And I was so excited about it, and I am super excited about getting married.  But stupid things keeps coming up.  Mostly finances are getting in the way of our wedding.  But now we have set our date, and this time we will not be changing it for ANYTHING.  I think sometimes a long engagement is a good thing, we have had a lot of time to make a final plan…..now we just have to bust our butts to pay for it all.  But in the end….so worth the wait!

    Post # 6
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I guess I’m on the other side of the fence with this…..

    I got engaged in August of 2012 and the 10 months between engagement and marriage is KILLING ME (and my fiance)!!  We are so ready to be married already! =) 

    Post # 7
    2133 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I’m more looking forward to being married to my SO. He could ask me without a ring and I woud start planning the weddnig asap lol. I mentioned to him a 6 month engagement, his response, “oh so I guess we’re not going to have a grace period”,  I said “nope, you’re all mine in 6 months” we both laughed lol. If he wanted a longer engagement I would definitely compromise as long as it’s not longer than 1.5 years.

    Post # 8
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @bunnyharriet:  I think if  you’re not ready to be married, you’re not ready to be engaged. If you just want to get engaged to get a ring then I think you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Sorry to say this.

    Post # 9
    9424 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    No, we got engaged because we were ready to get married then and there.  I guess I don’t understand the reason someone would want to get engaged but then not married.  Isn’t that what the engagement period is for, to plan the wedding?  We’ve been engaged about 6 months and I’m already over it! Smile

    I can understand it if you get engaged, planning/wanting to get married soon, but something comes in the way of that so you have to delay. 

    But actually not wanting to get married for 4 or 5 years because you’re not ready…well I guess I don’t understand that really.  If you’re not ready to get married I don’t see why you would need to be engaged.  I think some people look at it as the “next step” or want it so people will take them more seriously as a couple.  But for me, getting engaged is saying to the world “I am ready to marry this person.”  So I don’t understanding wanting to be engaged when you’re not ready to be married. 

    However, I’m sure there are some specific instances though where someone could argue their reasoning and I would understand!  I just don’t think there are very many reasons. 

    I know some people who have been engaged for years and years with no wedding plans.  It actually doesn’t really bother me that much, but since you asked…that is my opinion!

    Post # 10
    3184 posts
    Sugar bee

    Engaged in December 2012, will be married in April 2013. We are just so ready for it!

    Post # 11
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Yikes – I feel like I would not want to get engaged unless I knew 100% that I want to spend my life with someone. 10 years is a long time to make up your mind!

    We plan on having about a year to plan the wedding.

    Post # 12
    162 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’d like to get engaged now, and I’d be ready for a wedding immediately BUT I wouldn’t care if the wedding didn’t happen for a few years.

    The reasons I want to get engaged are:

    -I want the social status of being his chosen partner

    -I want to know that I’ve found the man who’s going to spend his life with me, and I can stop thinking about other possibilities and relax knowing that that my future is decided

    -I want to stop wondering whether I’ll have to leave him because he won’t marry me

    -I want to feel like I’m 100% invested in the relationship (currently I’m not because there’s no certainty about us staying together)

    -I want other people to shut up and stop asking why he hasn’t proposed

    -I want other people to stop judging our relationship because he hasn’t committed to me yet

    -I want to stop feeling like I’m not good enough and wondering what I’m doing wrong because he hasn’t proposed

    -I want to be able to move forward with our lives, buy a house together, book vacations for next year – currently I can’t make future plans with him because I don’t even know if we’ll be together in a year or two

    As long as I know it’s going to happen and the decision has been made, then I don’t really care when or where the actual wedding happens. The certainty of knowing it’s going to happen is enough to keep me happy for quite a few years, and it’s enough for me to be able to plan my future with him.

    Post # 13
    22 posts

    I actually understand exactly where she is coming from. I am not engaged yet, but do want to be within the next year or so. However I don’t want to get married until Spring 2016. Why you ask?

    A) I am in nursing school, went back at 24, and won’t graduate with my bsn until December 2014. Nursing school and full time job= not a happy little bee to plan a wedding.

    B) I would like to work fulltime for a year to save up money and to pay off my debt before we go into a partnership. I don’t believe you should bring debt into a marriage (barring my student loans, as they are partially paid for by the governemnt). I already have started paying things off but I want to be done with my credit cards by end of 2014 and my car payments. Then use 2015 to work extra shifts and stuff away some healthy funds.

    C) The drama of the wedding. Two vastly different families and we want to elope. So we have to slowly introduce that idea and then plan for a big reception.

    D) Why rush? In 2016 we’ll both be 27. Great age to get married. Plus if we want to, we can try and start having a family, buy a house together, etc. In the meantime I want to enjoy traveling, eating out, and having a good time with my boyfriend/ fiance. I like the idea and so does he of getting engaged, because it represents the commitment of marriage to us.

    I think some bees want to get married asap after they get engaged, which is great for them. Others don’t, again great for them. The big thing is that you should be ready and willing to get married that next second after you get engaged, otherwise don’t do it. I would marry my man tomorrow if he wished, but luckily we are on the same page. 🙂


    Post # 14
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t really see the point in being engaged if you’re not going to get married right away.  If it weren’t for needing the time to plan an actual wedding, Fiance and I would have  gotten married right when we decided we wanted to do that.  If you’re not in a rush to be married, why be in a rush to get engaged?

    Post # 15
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m excited to be engaged. Can’t wait! But I’m also 100% ready to be married. I’d do it yesterday if I could. Not looking forward to planning a wedding (which is why I VERY well may elope or do a courthouse thing), but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking.

    I wouldn’t get engaged without being willing to be married right then and there. To me, being engaged isn’t Dating 2.0. You’ve just agreed to marry that person. I can understand wanting to put off the _wedding_ to save up for it, or school, illness, etc. But not being ready for marriage itself? Hmm… I see where you’re coming from, but I see it differently for myself. But in any case, awesome for you for having the maturity to not want to rush, and to give yourself time to grow!

    Post # 16
    1541 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Personally, I see being engaged as the couple planning their wedding, and that’s how I want my engagement to be. SO and I have talked about how we want our engagement to be, and decided we’d have a 1 year engagement time frame. It just makes sense for what we want.

    SO and I are really open in what we expect out of our lives and relationship. I know we’ll get engaged/married at some point for sure, so I’m not wondering if this is a sure thing or not as some pp’s seem to be dealing with, which is why a short engagement would be for us.

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