Anyone ask someone to be bridesmaid in order to get closer to that friend?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

starcatcher:  I know someone who did, but the BM did not live far away, and she was also well known to be very enthusiastic and honest. They became, and still are, closer friends.

But on the other hand, I’ve read lots of disaster bridesmaid stories on wedding bee, and many of them begin with, “I asked her even though we weren’t as close as we once were”.

So, on balance, I would advise against it. I think a far better plan is to have one less bridesmaid.

Post # 3
1116 posts
Bumble bee

starcatcher:  Asking won’t change her working hours or how far away she lives. Ask her because you want her stood with you on the day and with the assumption that your relationship will stay exactly as it is, or don’t ask her.

Post # 4
643 posts
Busy bee

I would ask people who I am close with, not people who I wish I was close with. It’s a lot of time, money, and energy to be a BM for someone. I personally would only want to do it for a close friend and would find it awkward to be asked by someone who wasn’t. 

Post # 5
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I will be doing this.. but it’s not with a friend, it’s with my sister.  I will be asking her to be my Maid of Honor.  She’s hated me since I move across the country after high school.  She’s 5 years younger than me, and I took care of her since she was 4, so she felt like I abandoned her.  

It’s now over 6 years later, and she’s finally warming up to me again.  Last Christmas, when I was home, we were alone and she would yell at me and tell me everything I do wrong and how I’m a horrible person.  

Her and my mom visited me, my SO, and my stepson in July, and we sudddenly got along swimmingly!  She actually made plans to come visit us over Xmas this year alone (she needs that vacation without my family).  And now she’s calling me whenever she has the slightest problem.  She still has a little growing up to do, but I’m not expecting much from my bridal party anyways… there will be only two of them, and they both live across the country.

I’m just hoping it will continue to mend the bond that was broken years ago, but our relationship seems to be on the upswing anyways… and she doesn’t know I want her to be my MOH yet.  I think she suspects BM, but not MOH.  She will be so happy 🙂

Post # 6
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

starcatcher:  instead of asking her to be a bridesmaid (since she’s already super busy), i would just try to spend more time with her, and invite her to the wedding. try to rekindle the friendship instead of adding one more responsibility to her list. 🙂

Post # 7
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I asked a good college friend who I don’t talk to or see as much to be my MOH because I really valued her opinion.  After the wedding we have talked all of once.  I kind of feel like I won’t see her again now.  Now that the wedding is done she really has no reason to visit any more, and she works odd hours so calling is difficult.  She is the kind of friend who I can pick up with the moment we get back together, so I don’t regret it.  The wedding though was a catolist for about 10 months of tons of talking and now 3 months of radio silence since. 

Post # 8
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

starcatcher:  The only reason I would hesitate to ASK to be in someone’s wedding- is because it really puts the bride on the spot.  If she’s already chosen her bridesmaids and simply doesn’t want another one– or in a worse case scenario (this isn’t person towards you, OP)- just doesn’t want you in her wedding….things might get awkward.


I had someone ask me to be in my wedding.  Thing is, she’s not reliable- she was also living just far enough away for her (about half hour) to make that drive here for anything difficult for her between her work schedule and being a single mom.  I had NO expectations from my maids except to show up on the day of on time, and also it would be nice they attended my shower/bachelorette.

This particular girl didn’t show up to shower or bachelorette even though she RSVPed– and it wasn’t because of spite or anything like that– she’s just a flake like that.  


Just be prepared if she says no– and try to not take it personally.

Post # 9
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I asked then-FI’s sisters to be BMs in the hopes that we would all become closer. It worked! But mostly with the younger one who still likes in the same state. The older one who was away at college really didn’t get to participate too much.

Asking a long-distance, busy person to be a bridesmaid doesn’t mean she can make more time for you. She’ll try – but there’s only so much she can do. You may regret having to bend everyone’s schedule around hers. Especially if she turns out to be flaky.


On the other side of the coin: when I was asked to be a BM for my youngest sister, that experience made me closer…to killing her. But that’s just siblings. lol. I love her to death. 🙂 Her wedding was gorgeous and I was honored to be part of it.

Another friend asked me and we did not get closer at all. She really didn’t let us help with much. We’re still great friends – but I’m just saying we aren’t better friends from all the BM bonding moments. Cuz those didn’t happen. She did everything with her MOH.

So I guess the same thing might happen if your long distance friend is not able to be part of those BM bonding moments.

Post # 10
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I personally wouldn’t. If this woman is very busy in general you are setting yourself up for some potential frustration. 

Post # 11
585 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t ask my BM to be closer to her, but I was hoping it would allow us to spend more time together. She is a busy jetsetter, so I was secretly hoping this would make me more of a priority, and I would see her more.

I also asked my sister, but if nothing else it has made us drift apart. She is being a B**** about EVERYTHING and all that it’s doing is making me regret asking her and see her for what she is. A B****.

Post # 12
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

starcatcher:  I wouldn’t do it to try to rekindle a friendship. You can do that without making her a BM and potentially harming the friendship if she can’t be there for you, afford what you need her to pay for etc. I would, however, invite her to the wedding and let her know you would love to spend some time with her.

Post # 13
744 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t do it.  I was in two weddings (back-to-back weekends!) for two friends who I was not super close to.  While I was very happy for them, the bridesmaid commitment felt burdensome to me, whereas when I was my best friend’s MOH it was a delight.  Nothing was different about these brides’ expectations, I just think you’re more likely to be excited to do everything for a currently close friend. 

I would consider asking a sister to get closer to her, but as texaslemon: pointed out, that can backfire too.

Post # 14
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is DC the “right” part of the country?  Is she pretty enough?  Can she could afford a nice enough gift? 

According to your other post you already have 10 BMs so I don’t think you should add anyone else. You can ask her to do a reading if you really want to reconnect.

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