- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
This is a little odd to me... within the past three days, I have run in to two people (former co-workers) and both of them said "I'd better get an invitation to your wedding"! Now, they were smiling/laughing when they said it, but I think they were serious! I wasn't planning on putting either of them on my guest list. Now I will almost feel a little guilty if I don't. Has anyone else had this delima??
lots of people assumed they'd be invited. there were certainly a few that straight said 'i better be invited!' which we just laugh off. no one confronted us after not receiving an invite, but some people RSVPed more people than we invited. i don't think anyone would be asking about it if the invite never shows up, but if they did, i'd have no problem saying 'well we're trying to keep it small so we weren't able to invite everyone'
Some of my mother's friends heard about my engagement, looked up our wedding website, and wrote that they could not wait to see us there (indicating that they were already scheduling vacation and making travel plans). I ended up sending them invitations because so many people from my FH's list were already telling us they would not attend, but I was a bit upset about having to redo the guest list to include people who were not even on the "B" list. In the end, I'm glad they are coming - the more the merrier, as long as I can find a way to bring it in under budget.
YES! One girl who is a friend of one of my BMs, who I have NEVER been a fan of asked me if she was invited to our wedding. I didn't know what so say so I said yes and later my BM said not to invite her and just pretend I was drunk and don't remember the conversation :-/
@AliCherri1: LOL thats hilarious!
Co-workers sometime mention things about whether or not they should mark the date or making sure our date doesn't conflict with other things.. but my boss was very straight forward so I was very straightforward too, and told her that at the moment we don't know if we have capacity to invite coworkers, especially since Mr Tofu isn't. She then told me not to because it'd be easier.
Then there are a few people that ask me if they can come to our wedding.. and after the awkward looks and "uhhh... " they just say that its ok and we don't have to.
Except one.. one asked if he could come.. almost pleaded.. so I compromised and told him we'd keep him on the B list - which seemed to set well with him. haha
Such sticky situations!
This hasn't happened to us yet, but when my best friend got married one of the people we know cried, yes cried, when she found out she wasn't invited. We went out after work for a drink and she bawled right there in the bar and oh, was it awkward. My friend ended up inviting her, but inorder to have room for her, I didn't bring my FI (then boyfriend). To beat it all, she didn't even show up!!! I couldn't believe that someone would CRY over a wedding invitation.
Yes - all the time. Coworkers always expect to be invited. I was leaving an old job and multiple people actually walked up to me with their addresses so I could send them invites! I just kept saying "it's a small wedding" or "my mom's handling the guest list". Works every time...
Yikes, wow...people are pushy. We haven't sent our save the dates yet and quite a few people have asked directly when so they can mark their calendars. All of them are definitely on the list so it's not so bad (though to be honest I still think it's presumptuous to ask. The only ones I understand are two friends who are also getting married this summer. One scheduled her wedding so I'd be back from my honeymoon).
But to share a story...I was invited to a wedding and a friend of my *date* who knew the groom (but wasn't good friends with him) asked to be invited. The groom is super nice and did, but I was completely appalled (and somewhat embarassed b/c I felt like I was involved in his knowing the invites had been sent and didn't include him)! Then, at the wedding, he complained that he wasn't invited to a different wedding that my date was invited to in a few weeks. I swear some people measure their entire social worth on who invites them to their wedding.
Yikes! I've been trying to avoid all conversations regarding the wedding with people who I know we are not inviting. I know some people will be dissapointed but we can't fit everyone.
I always ask myself this question: Would that person invite you to his/her wedding if it was the other way around? or Do I care if I get invited to his/her wedding?
Most of the time, the answer will be no.
I've had coworkers and an acquaintance from middle school that I've kind of kept in contact with over the years ask if they're invited. Luckily, some of those coworkers are quitting and/or moving.
I had the Weddingbook thing on my Facebook profile. I ended up taking it down b/c too many people were asking about it and hoping they were going to be invited. The one was from my cousin's cousin. So we have the same aunt, but it's her aunt by blood and mine by marriage. They have a small family and we re-connected on Facebook. I just didn't reply to her question on Facebook about being invited! I haven't had to handle it face to face yet.
It's just so akward! I can't imaging doing that to someone!
@hbowar: precisely why I didn't add the wedding app to my facebook! haha!
I wish I had a new job, so I can easily get away with not inviting any coworkers.. but with this economy, it doesn't look so good!
But don't feel guilty about not inviting co-workers. Like Tee said, just tell them its a small wedding, or family only. (we're having a "small wedding of 225 - but only 25 are friends!)
People do that to me allll the time. They think because it's in Las Vegas, it's a free-for-all. i don't mind if people come and hang out but I am certainly not sponsoring any events for tagalongs!
We've had a couple of people make remarks about getting invites or attending. My fiance's boss is a little annoying at times and thinks he and fiance are really good friends (they're not and fiance does NOT encourage this behavior); he actually had the nerve to ask if he was IN the wedding!
A friend of mine from college asked me "Do I get to come to your wedding?" while we were chatting on facebook. I figured that if she was bold enough to ask, I should give her a striaght answer so I told her the truth: "I hope so. You're at the top of the list for when we start getting nos from the out-of-town relatives we know aren't going to come!"
I guess maybe I should have been more vague, but she caught me off guard! I didn't have time to think up something true AND non-committal.
Oh yeah. My boss (who basically fired my FI a couple years ago before I even knew either of them) got drunk one night at a work event and said "I'm not invited to your wedding, am I?" I told him the truth, too. "My fiance won't let me." He nodded like he understood and said he'd send a gift.
One of my dear friends asked if he could bring his mom, which wouldn't be so odd perhaps, except:
1) I've met his mom exactly twice.
2) He knows we are on a really tight budget.
3) He knows most people don't get to bring a guest unless they are in a serious relationship. I'm not saying he and his mom aren't close, but that's not exactly what we had in mind.
I also had a not-so-close friend from high school ask when he could expect his invitation, after I explained the wedding was small and far away.
I still have 14 months to go, I'm sure there will be more.
I'm sure we will have to deal with this when the time comes. Mainly from people from our church. While we would love to be able to invite everyone, our church has a congregation of about 150 people! Not to mention that we both have large families, and I really don't want to have a wedding of over 300! We will be inviting our really good friends from church, but that's it! I'm sure we'll be fielding questions for months!
gown.jpg (1.7 KB, 39 downloads) 2 years old
A few friends for high school and college asked when they should expect to see invitations. I told them that the wedding is small but I'd put them on the back-up list. The worst is my dad told some his friends that they were invited to the wedding but didn't let me know that until last week. We firmed up our A list invites 2 months ago. Now I have a B and C list!
I'm still an entire year out and already having these kinds of issues.
I was talking to one of my closest friends, and she was appalled that I wasn't inviting one of her closest friends who I'm sort of, kind of friends with.
I just don't think people really understand how few people 100 really is. My fiance and I both have small families, and that is still 40 or so people.
I'm not excited about continuing to face this issue in the future. I'm sure people I know will be really upset.
Yes, it has happened!
Off subject, but <font size="2" color="#81a026">lmariea - I LOVE your avatar!!</font>
There are people I've barely spoken to that are inviting themselves to our wedding. I understand if it was someone that I have spoken to lately on a semi-daily basis.
I would never invite myself to an associates wedding/gathering/party.
That's always so awkward!
I always just say, "We're working on our guest lists, but we're having a smaller wedding (which is true) so it's sad that we won't be able to invite everyone we'd like to celebrate with." It doesn't call them out for being rude, but at the same time it suggests that you'd like to celebrate your wedding with them, but that they might not get an invite.
The only person who did was my old ballet/dance teacher! I grew up in Florida, but haven't lived there in 12 years (and neither has my family). Still, whenever I go back, one of the few people I try and visit is my dance teacher - which ends up being once every few years. I happened to be there shortly after getting engaged and she asked if she was invited! Never thinking she would want to be, I did add her to the list - I thought it would be cool. Well, jump forward, no RSVP, -I eventually emailed her and she said she couldn't make it! ARGH. She didn't even send us a card after all that!
wedding_oval_vase.jpg (27.5 KB, 29 downloads) 2 years old wedding_gem_stone.jpg (51.3 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old 
I've had a lot of people say this, especially girls I work with. Mostly I just say that we're already over the capacity for our venue and leave it at that.
My fiance's brother's wife's mother (I know) said "I'd better be invited" when she found out we were engaged. Uncomfortable chuckle followed.
A good friend's soon to be ex-wife said the same thing. She followed it with a comment about how stupid it is to waste money on a traditional wedding.
On another note, my fiance was invited to a friend's bachelor party in Las Vegas (3,000 miles away). He had to take a deposition that week and wasn't able to attend, but we assumed that everyone knew the rule (don't invite people to pre-wedding parties that you don't intend to invite to the wedding) and we would be invited (I didn't verbalize this assumption to the couple thank goodness). Well, we weren't. It came time to decide if we should invite them to ours, and we both asked ourselves "would we have invited them if we were married first" and the answer was yes.
Yes, and I can't believe people do this. My aunt emailed my dad to ask if we would please invite some of her friends! Um, no!
martha_stewart_stamp.jpg (36.6 KB, 37 downloads) 2 years old 
we had this happen...one couple early on influenced our guest list, but the later it got, and as the bills starting flowing in, we stood our ground better...of course FH blamed my "fruitful" family taking up all the seats, lol
birds_and_eggs.jpg (38.5 KB, 45 downloads) 2 years old 
We're not even officially engaged and we have people asking/assuming they'll be invited. For every coworker (former and current) and their spouse.. the guest list gets bigger and bigger!
3636.jpg (18.8 KB, 27 downloads) 2 years old 
This drives me nuts. Absolutely crazy. It is SO RUDE. I, however, do not want to lie because I don't want to risk getting called on it later. I (a) ignore the question, though politely, but laughing along and then changing the subject. "Ha ha ha, anyway enough wedding planning on the clock for me! I better get back to work!" -OR- (b) say something to the effect of "We'd love to have you there and I appreciate the kind thoughts, but I will forewarn you that we're considering having a very small ceremony". I like driftslikesmoke's suggestion!!! Good one!
I hate being put in this position! It's even WORSE when people ask if they're going to be IN THE WEDDING PARTY. This has ALSO happened to me.
People I haven't talked to since high school will facebook me and say "Congrats! I better get an invite". I say Thanks, and thats it. If someone asks me why I didn't invite them, I am completely honest. I tell them that we are having a very small intimate wedding with less than 50 people, and the people invited are my family members and wedding party, basically people who HAVE to be invited. Since I'm not the one footing the bill, I refuse to go beyond that.
Thanks, Amester!
Josalyn, you're lucky! It sounds like you have the perfect "out" if people corner you about invites!
Mr. Peng's coworkers. Pretty obnoxious. And I think they were really bummed that they didn't get to come. We get invited to all his coworkers weddings... but I just don't really feel that close to them and didn't feel the need to invite them when we had so many other people that we wanted to invite. Plus, I don't have coworkers (I'm an independant contractor) and I didn't invite any of my clients, so it was fair.
No one has asked about the wedding yet but one of my fiance's co-workers keeps asking if we have registered yet. Its awkward because we weren't planning on inviting him to the wedding. He has also mentioned that he looks couples up on weddingchannel.com so he will undoubtedly know when we do register.
I guess fiance should say something to him? Maybe he just really wants to buy us a gift regardless of whether he is invited? I think fiance may feel obligated to invite him if he gets us a gift.
ST2706_back.jpg (14.6 KB, 52 downloads) 2 years old ST2706_upclose.jpg (18.7 KB, 20 downloads) 2 years old st2706_primary.jpg (19.2 KB, 33 downloads) 2 years old 
Yep, but it was a blessing as I had forgotten to invite them, two good friends from highschool, and had planned on it!
I was at a funeral for a friend's dad and all of a sudden when we were outside after the funeral, this person who I don't talk to or see that often asks my fiance and I when we are getting married. We tell them and then they say "you're not giving me an invite???" I just stared at him-- feeling very awkward... then he says "it's ok, I just wanted to know when you guys were getting married."
Aww, Sal75, that sounds like it was really uncomfortable. In that case, I'd probably cut the asker a bit of etiquette slack, since funerals tend to have such an emotional effect on people. Most people want to draw their friends, families, and even acquaintances closer to them when someone dies because of the inevitable feelings of loss (and fear of loss) that those events create.
Poor guy might have been looking for a way to strengthen/rekindle your friendship. :( I don't blame you for being stunned or uncomfortable, though!
Seriously, what is up with that? Even for close friends i don't assume i'm invited. Why add that extra pressure by saying "i better get..." for those people, i almost want to cross off the list... wedding planning is stressful enough - even when said in jest... brides are already wound up, we don't need more pressure!
008.JPG (3623.8 KB, 29 downloads) 2 years old
I don't know... i thought it was really awkward and an inappropriate time... i think part of the reason was because he knows both my fiance and i. we both didn't feel the need to tell him we were engaged when we did get engaged... (like we didn't think of telling him)... so the thought of inviting him didn't really cross our minds either...
i know what you mean amy77jc... just recently people have been emailing to ask if their kids can come to the wedding (less that 3 years old)... and i just sit there flabbergasted that they think it's ok to ask when i addressed the invite to the couple and put that we reserved 2 seats for them. sometimes i just want to pull my hair out and scream "no more questions!!" ;)
Cameranoface.jpg (660.6 KB, 33 downloads) 2 years old
This is my exact problem... I still dont know what to do other than ignore it all together... i can't say i'm having a small wedding because our wedding is 400+ guests and that is in no way shape or form, a small wedding LOL! But we're maxxed out, have cut down as much as possible (i have a huge family) and can't afford anyone else..
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| mypinkshoes | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
 sylvia.riggle |
9 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| fishbone | 4 |
| thursdayschild | 3 |
| eagle | 3 |
| tnanog | 3 |
| likelimeade | 2 |
| SoonToBeSLP | 2 |
| bridgetsierra | 2 |
| aspasia475 | 1 |
| PinkPinstripes | 1 |
| Wonderwoman217 |
1 |
