(Closed) Anyone becoming a stepmom with this wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m going to be a new stepmother as a result of my wedding and I think it depends on how old the child or children are but the important thing is to help the transition for them to feel smooth. It’s your day but you should also make them feel like they have a special role or part in it. You’re going to be a big part of their life so make it a memorable day for the both of you

Post # 4
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’ll be a stepmom, but I was the first time around too.  From personal experience before, it’s a hard thing to become a step mom.  The first time I didn’t have any kids of my own, once I did, I had a hard time accepting these kids in my life because my own were my priority.  Once I realized that they depended on me, etc, I was able to change my view and got really close, but it took a long time.  Funny thing was that when my ex and I seperated, my ex-stepsons really went to bat for me, they cared so much for me and my daughters, they were very angry at their dad.  I miss them.  With the new ones, we’ve spent a lot of time trying to get used to the idea.  I’m more receptive to it this time and understand it better.  We still have some work.  It’s not only about the wedding day, this is a commitment to a relationship too, just like your marriage.

Post # 5
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I will be a stepmom when I get married, it will be difficult because his ex (the kids mom) dislikes me, but hopefully it all works out.

Post # 6
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Heyo. I won’t be a stepmom, but I thought I’d comment because my dad is engaged and I’ll be having a new stepmom (number 2, the first one was when I was 8 or 9). My first bit of advice is don’t try too hard. I have the best relationship with my stepdad because he just let things be whereas my past and going to be stepmom were just too much that I didn’t feel like I could adjust and breathe. Also, it really sucks to be treated like your not as important as their kids. Just try to step back and think, I’m not unfairly favoring my own kids am I? And finally, I’d say don’t go too hard on the kids because unless you’ve already been "parenting’ them a bit, they aren’t going to be used to your rules and expectations. Plus try to understand how hard it can be, I know my parents said negative things about each other and the other’s new partner and its hard to be the kid in that environment.

 

Post # 7
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’ll be a step mom to sweetie’s three children.  I love them like they are my own and they love me like I’m their mom.  Sweetie and I had a long discussion about his children and what he wanted my realtionship with them to be, and how we would tackle parenting issues.

 Don’t try too hard to be their friend.  Be open and be available.  Ask them questions.  find out what they like.  Let them do everyday things like grocery shopping with you.  It will work itsself out naturally.

Post # 8
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’ll be a stepmom to FI’s 5-year-old… we don’t get to see him much (we live in NY, he lives in SC with his mom), but hopefully that’ll change when he’s old enough to fly unaccompanied.

Post # 9
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’ll be a stepmom to a boy 16 and girl 10. I don’t chave hildren of my own. I haven’t met them yet they leave in another city. I love them already because  of praying for them a lot, and we talk about them a lot with FI and he also let me get involved in decision making about their welfare. But I know it’s not gonna be an easy transition for all of us, but I’m looking forward to meet them and eventually live with them.

Post # 10
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ll be a stepmom to his amazingly adorable (she is downright gorgeous in fact) four year old daughter and his 12 year old braniac and handsome son!  He already loves my son as his own, and his kids love me too.

We’re doing great!

It helps that he divorced 2 years before he ever met me.  That way the kids don’t see me as "taking" dad away or anything like that.  They were divorced and living separately before..waaay before we ever met!

Post # 11
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I’ll become a stepmom and FI will become a stepdad at our wedding. I have the book “Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left out, or Wicked” at home, but haven’t read it yet. It has pretty good reviews though.

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I won’t be a step-mom, but I do have a story to share!

My mother re-married when I was about 8 years old.  My sister and I were junior bridesmaids in her wedding and my step-father incorporated us into the ceremony.  He bought my sister and I each a necklace and before the exchange of the rings, he put the necklaces around our necks.  It was unexpected and sweet and made my sister and I both feel like we were “marrying” him too.  He and my mother made sure that he was committing to all of us as a family, instead of just my mother.

I’ve seen other weddings where the family comes together at the altar and do a sand ceremony.  That is a nice, symbolic way to express the commitment as well.

Post # 13
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I will be a new step mom after this wedding as well.  I dont have any children of my own, in fact I wont have any as my new hubby had a vasectomy a few years back (his ex made that appt for him) which im ok with since ive always been back and fourth about having my own

However, he has 3 daughters 6, 9 and 12 and so far we have all adjusted to our life quite nicely.  I think they are at a decent age and they know we are very happy.  I think there will always be a challenge though especially since im not a mom already. 

Even his ex said she is happy for us and she is NOT a fan of me.

All the girls have a very important role in our wedding.  Its going to be a blast!

Post # 14
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

My M is actually a single dad so it’s a bit different in my situation as we live together and I have the kids a majority of the time (their mom only sees them about a week during the holidays and about a month or so during the summer holidays).  I also have a little boy who is 8.  Coming from a blended family I never felt like the “step” child or that my stepdad took his own true kids’ feelings over mine or vice versa, we were all just family.  I think it was hard for his kids at first because they never had to share their daddy, and my son never had to share his mommy (we aren’t married yet) I think when M proposes the kids will say it’s about time lol I thought you were already married.  Also the kids argue amongst themselves a lot and if they are separated they miss each other… I adore our family…..

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