Post # 1
This is just something that I have been thinking about recently. FI and I are young, finishing degrees and all that so babies aren’t in our near future. We both also want to get masters degrees which to us, meant pushing babies back another few years. So from the time we are married till when we plan on TTC is anywhere from 5-10 years. Most likely closer to 7ish for both of us to be totally outta school. But here is my issue, my dad, whom I totally adore, has never had the best health and isn’t getting any younger.
That may sound odd, but I just know, my Papaw died when I was 5,I have a few snapshot memories of him but it is mostly from stories and pictures and videos that I remember. My moms parents on the other hand are still alive and kicking and I have 20+ years of incredible memories with them. Not that FILs aren’t great but I want my kids to remember MY daddy, not remember pictures and stories, I want them to remember him sititng at graduation, or taking embarrsing pictures at their band concernts and sports events. But honestly, if it is almost 10 years from now before we have kids, that most likely isn’t gonig to happen. And that is a big deal to me.
I don’t really know the point of this, I guess it would be, assuming we are still finacially and emotionally stable enough for a kid, it it totally insane to change the “plan” for something like this? I get obviously that there is no guarentee reguardless of when we eventually have kids, but if I could increase the odds of them knowing him for a while longer, it would be worth it to me. Just something I have been thinking about recently as my dad’s health isn’t getting any better. :/
Post # 3
While I don’t have insight into this particular issue, I think it must be really hard for you to think about losing your dad. It’s obvious that you’re very close, and you want your children to share the same kind of relationship.
I think it’s really important, when family planning, to consider the overall picture of when children would be best. Is there anything you’d have to give up, by having children now instead of later? I can tell you that my husband just finished his Master’s degree, and I just started mine, and we have a 1.5 year old. It’s certainly not ideal to juggle family life with work and school, and we’ve had to make sacrifices by having children at this point in our lives. On the other hand, this really is the best time for us to start a family, and by waiting, we’d have to give up a lot more. Kids are a lot of work, and I think it’s best to hold off until you’re sure that this is the best time for you considering all aspects (financial, emtional, career-wise, etc…) of family life.
Post # 4
So this just totally made me tear up, and I don’t have an answer, but what I can tell is that you must be one amazing daughter to your dad, and your going to be a great mom, so whatever you decide will be just right, I’m sure!
Post # 5
If it were up to my husband’s family, we would be having a baby by now. Obviously, we aren’t having any at all, but that doesn’t stop them from constantly asking and telling me I”ll change my mind!
I think you need to do whats best for you and your husband. I know you wnat your dad around (I sometimes want to have kids, only so they can grow up with their cousins, and see how great our parents would be as grandparents) but think about it this way – your dad can go at any time. If you were to get pregnant now, and something were to happen to him, would you wish you would have waited?
Post # 6
just so you know, you aren’t alone ..i think about this a lot more than i should – my dad just turned 62 and my mom will turn 60 in december and i NEED my children to know them, like really know them! all my grandparents passed before i was 5 except for my mom’s mother and i really want my kids to have the relationship with their grandparents that i never had but wanted very badly. I see my parents with my nephew and it makes me want to hurry it up that much more..I dont have much advice – but i think Mrs. Spring has some great words of wisdom above.
i’m sorry to hear about your fathers health, he is very lucky to have such a thoughtful daughter!
Post # 7
In short, yes.
My BIL whom I love extremely dearly and was very close to passed away suddenly this past December. His death really shook our whole family to the core. It was totally unexpected and out of the blue. It gave all of us a wake up call to REALLY realize how short life can be. I know people say that all the time. But until you suddenly lose someone, you really don’t even know half the meaning of that saying. I lost my dad suddenly was well when I was 13. And let me tell you losing someone suddenly without saying bye is HARD.
The point is it made us realize that life is too short. My husband and I had plans to wait another 1-2years ish before TTC. It made us realize, what’s the point of waiting? We love each other, we know we will be great parents and love our kids as much as we can now as we will in 2 years. WHY are we waiting? Because we want to wait till we have more money? Because we want to wait till my husband has a new job? Because we want to wait till I”m licensed?
It doesn’t F*ING matter. Is the best way I can phrase it.
We love each other and we want a child and a family together. Something that is the two of us. It just made us realized there was absolutely no valid, selfless reason to wait. So we did not.
And I know some of you will be thinking well if the fear is -god forbid- one of us won’t be around then why even have kids?! You’ll be a single parent! It’ll be so hard! It doesn’t matter. Because we will always have a piece of each other in our children.
And yes, it hurts me every day to think about the fact that our kids will never get to know their maternal grandfather beyond the few pictures we have. My dad and I were extremely close and it just wasn’t in the cards I guess for him to meet any of his grandchildren. But such is life. Life happens. You make decisions. And you have to be ready to live with the consequences of those decisions.
Best of luck deciding what is best for you and your husband.