Post # 1
My best friend has been acting weird for the past couple weeks…her husband too. She told me she wanted to talk but wouldn’t tell me what it was about. They ignored us for 2 weeks as we were trying to get their RSVP finished…they were the last couple…and again these are our best friends.
So we met up last night and she said her husband has asked her for a divorce…out of the blue. I was shocked and mad and sad…but she said it was maybe for the better. It seriously felt like the first grown up problem I was supposed to help a friend through and I just had no idea how to handle it. She said they weren’t mad, aren’t fighting, that he just isn’t in love with her anymore. And that she agrees that being in a marriage when you aren’t in love isn’t the right thing.
So I kept my chin up and followed her lead. Asked lots of questions but tried to stay calm.
I got home and cried in my car for like 10 minutes. Then came in to tell FI. He was instantly worried about them but I guess I was selfishly worried about US. We both come from divorced families but I dunno it just didn’t seem quite so relevant to our marriage. Our friends have been married for over 10 years. It breaks my heart.
We have no idea what we’re supposed to do now.
Post # 3
You support your friend as you can, but you need to move on with your life. There is nothing you can do about their relationship, you can only do something about your relationship. I don’t think you wrong about being selfish at all, that can come as a shock as you are happy and blissful in your planning. Be supportive, but still live your life!
Post # 4
@icetea: Be there for your friends!
Post # 5
@icetea: I am so sorry. It is so rough to be in your shoes. It is okay to be scared about your relationship– if half of marriages end in divorce and children on divorced parents have a higher rate of divorce, you are not being irrational. It is probably the last thing you wanted to hear right before your wedding, but it is good to talk about with your FI.
Post # 6
@Pollywog: You are all so wise and kind! FI said pretty much the same things so I guess it’s probably sound advice.
Post # 7
Be there for her. Don’t make it about you. It’s not.
Post # 8
Be there and support her. I was getting divorced as one of my sisters was getting married and she was just there for me and that was all I needed.
Just because someone else’s marriage fails doesn’t mean yours will, be confident in the fact that you two love eachother and think of nothing but that!
Post # 9
My FI and i asked his friend to be the best man. Him and his wife were also together for 10 yrs. My FI and i were engaged for a year. (we only have a month now) but in the mean time our friends got divorced. they have two kids too. so our best man and good friend are not together anymore. a lot has happened since but she said he told her he didnt love her anymore and he started partying to much. which is werid cuz he did it without us or our friends. ? and then she said he cheated on her once or twice after that because they tryed to make it work. it was really tough. it got messier. i felt like it was too much to ask for him to go to a wedding and make a speach but he insisted that he wanted this really bad! so then later he got a girlfriend. oh did i mention his now ex wife is my photographer….yeah. so he got a girlfriend. who just turned 21 and hes like 34. not too bad but odd. she broke up with another family friend and immediately moved in with our BM. now he wants to bring her to the wedding. everything is a little F-ed up. i feel terrible asking my friend to be the photographer. but its no expensive!!! and she is a pro. what do you guys think?
she has gone threw a lot of changes. she dyed her hair. got a mayrlin m. piercing and tattooed the name of the bar she now works at on the inside of her finger. im worried about her but she is a very strong woman. Our BM seems to be fine with his new GF. also she takes the kids in the day cuz hes at work but then they switch and he gets the kids while she works most the night at the bar. full time. so its almost like they always have the kids. i wish there was somthing else i could do for them.
some of my friends dont like her ex husband because of the partying and cheating and then him “stealing” this other guys GF. but hes our friend. when things get hard you dont just abondon them. they both want to work it out as best they can. they dont want us to choose sides but it seems like people are doing that anyway:(
it is odd going to visit him in their old house with his new GF. but what are you going to do? he seems like he is doing much better.
im actually glad you posted this cuz this is something i have also been struggeling with.