(Closed) Anyone dating/enaged/married to a Police Officer?

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Be prepared for the weird hours he’ll work and tons of overtime. I used to see my fiancé almost every day and now I’m lucky to see him twice a week. I know it’ll get better when we move in together though. 

Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am engaged to a police officer. We started dating right before he started the academy. We get to see each other quite a bit right now because we both work 3rd shift. We are able to go to the gym together and eat dinner together every day this way. His days off are on a rotating schedule and mine are the same every week, so every couple months there is a period of time when we don’t get to enjoy a day off together but I can’t complain. We live together so that definitely makes it easier. His job can be very stressful and lots of days he wants to vent about people he had to deal with. I work with at risk adolescents (he did too before he became a police officer) and have been assaulted and have to deal with crisis situations as well, so I understand a lot of what he deals with. 

Post # 5
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My FI is LE, and I work with US infantry marines, which means I hear a lot of sad failed-marriage stories both in our LE “family” and through my work.  I’ve been with him for 3 years now, he’s been an LEO for 7 years.

 

The main thing I can suggest is respect what you are getting into.  Flexibility and patience is a huge must for LE spouses. You do NOT want to get to a point where you’re married and you realise you can’t handle his career – like the many military spouses who don’t seem to comprehend that marrying a SO who gets deployed means being alone months at a time.

 

I get to see a fair bit of mine because I have a job flexible enough that half the time I can work from home, but 40 hours a week for him often translates into 55-60, if you add in a day or two of voluntary OT, mandatory court (usually with less than 24 hours confirmation) and extra hours if there’s a hot call/lots of paperwork near the end of a shift. 

 

His hours and days off currently rotate every 4 months; that is constant throughout the department unless you are a significant rank or in a specialised squad (i.e gangs, SCU, narcotics etc).  Department policies on rotation and hours are hugely varied though.  Most cops I know hate day shift, spouses love it because they get to see them/the PO can help with kids/chores/go on dates etc.  Spouses hate graveyards/evenings since it means they see nothing of their SO, cops love it since there’s always something going on/more interesting calls.

 

I could share a hundred things I’ve learned since moving in with him but don’t want to clog up your post – message me if you like, I’m happy to answer questions.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I used to date one. He was psychotic/manipulative/abusive/etc. and I know for a fact that he faked his psych eval to get approved for hire-in. He absolutely became a police officer for the power and just one more thing to make him believe that he’s better than others. He’d sit there and swear up and down that it “wasn’t possible” for him to cheat on me while on duty, and while I’m not sure he ever did cheat, he absolutely could have–two of his coworkers cheated on their wives on duty for several months. : He worked nights in our town where the most prevalent offense is shoplifting.

Anyway. He was a dick, but he had some great coworkers (basically like anywhere, except with weapons). A police department is like a family. You’ll have lots of other SOs to hang out with who know what you’re dealing with, so absolutely take advantage of getting to know them! Be prepared for him to be working night shift or mids (second shift) for a while, with rotating days off. It sucks, but you get used to it.

@CaliBrit:  The main thing I can suggest is respect what you are getting into.  Flexibility and patience is a huge must for LE spouses. You do NOT want to get to a point where you’re married and you realise you can’t handle his career – like the many military spouses who don’t seem to comprehend that marrying a SO who gets deployed means being alone months at a time.

Agreed 100%. Being an LEO spouse is not easy and not for everyone. 

Post # 7
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m marrying a corrections officer, so kind of the same. He’s been in the field for about a year so far, and its been a great experience.  I’ve been with him for 11 years, and this has always been his dream to be in a law enforcement, so for me it was awesome to watch him achieve a life-long goal.  

His job isn’t easy, and yes there are days where he comes home tired or cranky, so I just give him time and space to decompress.  One thing so far that works for us, is making time to be with each other where we don’t talk about work, we just have fun (go mini golfing, the driving range, a movie, etc). I genuinely love to hear about his day, and usually can’t wait to tell me about it, so I think that helps too.  

I know there are guys where he works that don’t tell their spouses about their job to not cause worry.  The way I see it, every couple needs to find a system of what works for them.  

 

Post # 8
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My FH is a police officer! When he got promoted last March he got stuck on midnights and hasn’t been able to get off yet(probably not til June). It has been so hard to deal with as he is NOT a midnight guy whatsoever.. but we’re doing the best we can with it! I feel terrible with how tired he always feels.. He is now studying to try and get into the K9 unit! 

Definitely the hardest part about being with a cop is the hours, but you have to 100% understand going into it the hours that the job involves, the fact he won’t be there for many holidays/family parties/etc. But I love my FH and if he wasn’t a cop he wouldn’t be who he is so we make it work and are both so happy!

Post # 9
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@vorpalette:  +1 me too!

The one I dated is now engaged to the girl that he was dating while he dated me on the side . Bless their hearts.

Post # 10
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH is currently an ACO, but is working on applying to some police departments/acadamies. We have had some talks about the hours and risk – it makes me a little nervous, but I think he’d be a great police officer (as do those police that he’s worked with).

My biggest worry is when we have kids… but we’ll take this one step at a time.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My BF isn’t a cop yet but he wants to be. He’s had experience as a correctional officer and he’s debating if he wants to apply for the correctional officer job again in order to make more money, to save up for the police academy. 

 

Right now, he works at a grocery store but he’s majoring in criminal justice in school. When he finishes, he’ll apply for the police academy. 

 

Honestly, I am a little worried about how I will handle the hours. I think it will be worse than what I’m dealing with already. He works nights at the grocery store and I usually don’t see him until he gets off work at 11:00 or 11:30 at night. And I only get to have a proper date night with him maybe once a week, if I’m lucky. And we don’t live together so it sucks when I don’t get to see him. 

 

However, lately we have been spending Saturdays and Sundays together until he goes to work around 4 to 6 pm. And we are moving in together in January so I think his hours will be a lot easier to deal with 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I give you all props, specially to the ones that experienced failed relationships with cops. I include myself on that category.

I’m a Police Officer myself, I have been for 5 years. My ex was a police officer as well, we dated for a couple of years. He was from a different department. I come to find out he was cheating on me with one of my department’s dispatch girls. So now I have the pleasure of hearing her voice in the radio every so often. He was very verbally abusive. Of course I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to get him in trouble at work. 

I work with all these “dogs” all the time, and I see not only how they treat their women, but how they act towards other women out on the field. It disgusts me. 

There are exceptions to every rule though, I have met some remarcable men on this line of work, but they are rare. 

Post # 13
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My SO was a cop. He had to leave that line of work due to a non life threatening injury. He is a great man who treats me really well and takes care of me. There are good and bad apples in every profession. The hours are probably one of the hardest things to deal with. He will have to work holidays. Period. So you celebrate on other days. For my guy, voluntary overtime wasn’t all that voluntary as they were required to do a certain amount of it each month. I was lucky that when I started dating him he was already A cop so I had an idea of what I was getting into. i also made it abundantly clear what cities I was not comfortable with him working for. Unfortunately he had a career ending back injury ( wasn’t doing anything dangerous, so don’t worry ladies), but its very disappointing for him none the less. also realize that sometimes they don’t want to talk about what happened at work, or can’t, so realize he can’t share everything with you, and you have to be ok with that. I love being with him though, and I wouldn’t trade it.

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