Anyone disappointed by your MOH?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: do you think your MOH was a bad choice?
    Yes : (14 votes)
    32 %
    No : (30 votes)
    68 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3706 posts
    Sugar bee

    I didn’t expect my MOH to help with planning or visit bridal shops with me, etc.. In fact, I chose the bridesmaid gowns myself. All the planning was all done between myself and my mother and FH – that was 3 opinions to combine, which was enough. My MOH did plan and host the bridal shower; I didn’t want or have a bachelorette.

    I would never expect a MOH to be as excited about my wedding or spend hours and hours in planning it, helping with DIY projects, set-up and clean-up at the reception, etc., like some other brides-to-be seem to expect.

    Post # 3
    Member
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Brunette26:  I agree with the PP.  Your MOH/bridesmaids are only required to get the dress and show up on time for the wedding.  Anything else that they want to do to help is nice, but definitely not necessary or a requirement for the position.  I don’t think it’s fair to set expectations for what you want a MOH to do, not express them in advance, and then get upset for not meeting them.

    My MOH did not go dress shopping with me.  I paid for her dress.  She wants to plan a bachelorette, but honestly, it’s not that important to me.  I told her I didn’t want a shower.

    I don’t see how not wanting to participate in a lot of wedding stuff makes her less trustworthy.  It makes her less interested in your wedding than you, which is normal since it’s your wedding, not hers.

    Post # 4
    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I totally agree with what other PPs are saying about unrealistic expectations of your MOH

    BUT to answer your question – YES it will definitely affect your friendship in a negative way. How could it not? There is no nice way to boot someone from your MOH position/ wedding party.

    Post # 5
    Member
    653 posts
    Busy bee

    Yes. Major disappointment.  Mine didn’t throw me a bridal shower, or a bachlorette party, or go wedding dress shopping, or get her hair/makeup done the morning of with me, or be around me the morning of, or help with ANY of the decorations, or even stay for the duration of my wedding.  But she’s still my best friend and I know her life is crazy. and I love her. so I dealt.

    Post # 6
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Brunette26:  I have two MOH, my long time best friend is the one who is mostly in charge and it doing an awesome job, but I also felt my other best friend has been through so much with me that I couldn’t leave it all up to one person. The other best friend has been a slacker, but I immediately told her how I felt and she was super supportive and understanding and I haven’t had any issues since.

    I think you just need to be honest with her, don’t come off like a bridezilla, let her know your expectations and just tell her you might not have been clear when you first told her to be your MOH but now you want to be honest and want her to be more involved. See what she says, she might be like my friend was and agree and apologize and be there for you, or she might just come out and say I can’t do it then, and in that case it will be easier for you to change it up. But I wouldn’t rule her out until you at least have a talk.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3527 posts
    Sugar bee

    Brunette26:  She’s your MOH, not your slave to go boss around. Give her a break.  I would be frank and ask her if something is wrong and why she is not helping as much as you feel she should.

    and yes this will probably destroy your friendship because you’re essentially telling her she’s not good enough to be your MOH.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7385 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Brunette26:  You don’t sound like a very good friend. You don’t own her and you certainly are not entitled to every last detail of her life. Not telling you every detail of her life is not the same thing as hiding things from you.

    You are definitely over thinking the travel advice. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee

    You can make her your matron of honor. I’ve know girls to have 2 but don’t demote her from her position in the wedding. Just embrace the fact that you do have someone there helping you. If this other friend wants to do all this with you and she knows she is not the MOH then you have a good friend. Don’t let this upset you just continue about your wedding business and have a good time.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    My maid-turned-matron of honor ended up being a bit of a disappointment. I oticed as soon as I had started planning my wedding she became less and less interested in talking with me. She quickly threw together her own wedding in about two weeks, and after that all communication pretty much stopped aside from two in-person times we managed to talk to each other, and a few texts over the course of three months.

    It’s been nine months since my wedding, where she stood as matron of honor, but we don’t talk much anymore, and haven’t at all in three months or so. Your wedding could very well end up being your last hoo-rah with this girl.

    Post # 12
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee

    this makes me feel better about myself as a MOH…I always thought I kinda slacked when I was a MOH for my friend, but jeez some of these stories are bad!

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Being a MOH or bridesmaid is more than a cute dress… It’s a job and I told each h of my girls 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee

    I won’t be having a MOH since my brothers will be standing with me, but I remember being disappointed with a MOH in a wedding I participated in a couple years ago as a bridesmaid.

    Right from the start she was very bossy toward all the bridesmaids, telling us exactly the hairstyles we were going to have, etc. She specifically told me that she booked an appointment at a salon for her, mysef, and another bridesmaid to get our hair done on the day of the wedding. ONE DAY before the wedding, she told me she “forgot” to include me in the appointment, and that I’d have to make my own. Of course, that salon was booked up by now. What a b*tch. I ended up letting my mom do my hair and it was beautiful.

    Post # 15
    Member
    568 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I hired and fired my sister as my MOH probably a solid 5 times. In the end she was my MOH because I love her and she means a lot to me. A MOH is a title of honor, someone you are close to not because you need someone to do all these random wedding tasks for you. I was so frustrated for the longest time that she wasnt participating or excited in wedding planning or activities, but that’s just her, I can’t make her interested in things she’s not. If I  picked my MOH based on who did the most, I would have regretted it in the end. So ill repeat, MOH is someone you love and are close with not someone who does wedding work. 

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