Post # 1
My FI has mentioned eloping (getting married at the courthouse or something similar) for insurance purposes (plus he’s military and could possibly deploy) and not telling anyone….and then we’d still have the big wedding later.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. I’m wonder if that would take away some of the “special-ness” of the big wedding. I’m curious if anyone has done this and how did you feel? Thanks!!
Post # 3
i would so love to do this…
Get married with close family/friends, then just have a big party.
Post # 4
I would love to do that too!!
He wants to elope (just he and I and not tell anyone else). Then have the big wedding/reception later. I would be fine just having a small wedding and a big party but he has a HUGE family and it’s important to have that we have a big wedding and reception.
Post # 5
We did. We went to the courthouse in August and having our wedding in April.
Post # 6
My friends just did this to improve the chances of them ending up at the same base in the future (they are both military). It was the two of them + my husband and me as the witnesses + the judge who married them. They are planning to have a wedding sometime next winter or spring of 2012.
ETA: I feel like this sort of situation is very common with the military, at least with our group of friends.
Post # 7
FI were hoping to do this, but since he’s military as well, we were concerned about him getting the leave approved for the actual wedding (since the marriage *has* to be reported to the military). Since he’d already be married, there’s more of a chance they wouldn’t agree to giving him time off without a good reason.
I’d say do it if you can! I know plenty of couples who wanted to cherish the moment between the two of them, and celebrate with friends and family later.
Post # 8
He’s actually getting out of the Army in January but doing Air National Guard after that. So we’ve talked about getting married privately first for insurance purposes and in case he deploys w/ ANG or is sent for training for several months.
I’m just worried that it would make the actual ‘big wedding’ not so special???
It’s helpful to hear other peoples’ experience with this. Thanks 🙂
Post # 9
For the military… this happens all the time.
You can either tell people or not tell people, whichever you’re more comfortable with.
People are more and more fine with going to a religious wedding or big celebratory wedding after a courthouse “paperwork wedding” than they used to be. Especially for military families.
(Full disclosure: We’re doing this too, because of the military, but we are telling everyone, then getting married about a half year after in front of everyone.)
PS He’s saving leave for the wedding and honeymoon, so it will be approved.
Post # 10
Many many maaaaany military couples do this, as ellabee mentioned. It just makes it so much easier…
We did it, and I’m happy we did!
Post # 11
I don’t think it would take away any specialness. Your wedding/ weddings/ wedding events are and can be whatever you want and make them. We got married and haven’t told anyone. We may still have a wedding someday, and it will be every bit as exciting, (if not more so because I will be less nervous/ freaked out) as the first one.
Lots of people do this for many different reasons. I have one friend who wanted to get married at her FI’s homestead in the mountains, but he wanted the sacr. of marriage, so they had a wedding in the Church, then another wedding at the homestead. It was three weeks of wedding events.
It is up to you what you want and how you will make it feel in the moment. I know for me, it would be just as exciting/ special being in front of everyone, but I was happy to have my personal moment with DH at our tiny ceremony. Mainly, it worked out for us to be married now, not wait until it is right for everyone else.
Post # 12
I did something similar. We had 11 guests at our wedding–strictly family only. And we’re having a big bash later.
I LOVED my wedding. I can’t say if it will make the big party any less special (although I doubt it) because we haven’t done it yet, but I CAN tell you that our wedding itself was plenty special. If we cancelled the party tomorrow, I wouldn’t have any regrets.
Post # 13
FH and I are talking about doing this, but it’s for insurance, not military.
If we did, we’d tell our parents, but that would be about it, and then we’d have the white dress and all for the rest of our family and friends later.
Post # 14
My FI and I are doing this Nov. 24 and our wedding is in April. Like everyone else we’re doing it for paperwork reasons. We didn’t intend to tell anybody but we may have to move before the wedding so it’s going to be kind of obvious if we’re moving with him that we’re married. Oh well!
Post # 15
A friend of mine went to a wedding where all the guests showed up at said location, and were waiting… waiting… and then a screen slid down at the front of the aisle and a movie started playing. Of the couple getting married somewhere warm and tropical. Everyone was really confused for a few minutes, but then when it ended, the couple came running down the aisle (the bride in her wedding dress) and everyone started cheering! They then went on to have the reception, etc. From what I understand all the guests were really surprised and loved it. I think having the movie of the whole thing really helped, then the guests didn’t feel like they missed the important part 🙂
Post # 16
My sister and her FH are considering this. She doesn’t want a wedding but he does (I know its backwards). They just recently bought a house and her car just kicked the bucket, so she would rather save the money and elope now, and when they have their finances in order, then have a wedding. Immediate family only, but it won’t be a big secret. She’s thinking having an anniversary party and renew their vows in front of everyone, then having the party.