- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
If we ever change our minds and decided we want kids (right now we are very happy being childless), we would adopt. We both agree that we would rather adopt than get pregnant. I have never had that "urge" to get pregnant (I am 33), and there are plenty of kids in need of a good loving home, so why go through a pregnancy?
That is a totally selfless thing to do and I stand and applaud you. I have alot of personal reasons for loving those wonderful people that chose to adopt.
*****Standing Ovation******
Personally (I haven't ever had a discussion about this with the BF) I would like to adopt a child eventually. Regardless if I have my own children, I feel like this is something I could do to make a child's life more stable and hopefully happier.
tksjewelry Thank you! I really look forward to it.
Rock Hugger I feel the same way. By the way, can I deduce from your name you are a climber? That's awesome. I used to climb out west and loved it dearly.
Koala Bear I think that would be great. I too always wanted to adopt, even if (I thought) we did someday have our own. I would love any kid like it was my own.
We have decided that we will most likely adopt unless I have twins the first go 'round - it's possible based on family history and the fact that I will have to be on Clomid to TTC because of my PCOS. We may even go for a third child in that case.
Adoption is a beautiful thing. Without it I wouldn't be here. I wasn't adopted myself, but BOTH of my parents were adopted and then they adopted my youngest sister. Pics? Why yes. haha. This is one from last year. She completes our family. (I was going to put up one of me, my brothers, and her...but they never have shirts on and I thought that might be creepy, haha.) Sorry the pic is HUGE, I tried to resize it to no avail.
I respect the hell out of others that do it and try really hard to get across the amazing feelings I have on the issue. My sister is a special needs adoption, though you can't tell.
Me! Unless SO randomly and unexpectedly develops a compelling wish to reproduce, I plan on adopting and/or foster parenting.
AmeliaBedelia She is so beautiful. Oh my gosh, what a sweet little person! Thank you for sharing your story. I love her just from her photo. I have a friend that was adopted and so was her brother and she is an amazing person. Her parents are amazing parents. I love to hear such stories.
Beluga Awesome. My sister was a supervisor at an adoption agency and it has further inspired me.
I plan on adopting. I want to have one child. Get used to being a mom while beginning the process to adopt another. I know it can take a few years. And then adopt a child. And if we still feel like we can or should have more (I want a big family so I am sure that will happen) we will have another. And then, who knows, maybe even adopt another after that! But my adopted kids will be from the US and will not be babies. There is a group that is so forgotten about because aopting internationally is so popular and everybody wants a baby.
@Ms Hedgehog: I get what you're saying, but it's all about personal preference. My sister was a special needs international adoption and was 4.5 years old.
@cbee: Thanks. She is really something special. She has one of the most bubbly personalities in a child that anyone will ever meet. I don't know anyone that meets her and doesn't love her. She's 7! :/ Getting so big.
I've always wanted to adopt a little girl from China. In high school, someone did their senior project about the One Child Policy in China and I remember feeling so strongly about giving those children, most of them being girls, a good life.
However, I also want to have biological children of my own if possible. I've always told FI that if we end up having 2-3 boys of our own, I want to adopt a little girl from China. Or, when our children get older (teens/20s) I might consider adopting because we are planning on having children fairly young. I work at a preschool and one of our little girls was adopted from Asia when her parents discovered they weren't ready for an "empty nest" after their children grew up. I think its an amazing thing to do for those who choose to.
Yea I definitely would. I'm not sure why so many people prefer adopting from China or Russia (I have 2 girlfriends who want to adopt from China). Why not American? There are just as many babies/kids in this country who need homes too.
I personally love the idea of skipping through the pregnancy/birth part and even the potty training and adopting a 5 year old lol I'll definitely try to have my own too though. I'm very good with small kids and even teenagers, but babies are a different story.
@Ms Hedgehog:*applause*
I'm an international adoptee and I actually wish more people would adopt domestically. From foster care. Those are the kids who truly need parents. International adoptions are a huge business. And a lot of people don't see that. I'm a Korean adoptee and I think it's not right that 200K of Koreas children have been adopted out internationally, It's time more countries started focusing on eliminating the "need" for adoptions and focusing on domestic adoptions when possible.
Not saying there's anything wrong with IA, but I do feel as though domestic adoption should be encouraged. Especially since there are so many kids in America who are legally free to adopt! Just because they aren't babies doesn't mean they aren't deserving.
Yea I really like the idea of adopting a kid/young teenager from America too. My husband isn't crazy about the idea though only because he thinks (and rightfully so) the kid will have a lot of emotional problems and will be a huge problem. I'm confident I could handle that situation though.
Angelina and Brad are the ones responsible for the IA fad lol I swear it's like the kids are their accessories! But I know that sounds mean...I'm sure the kids are taken care of and loved. I just can't help but question why they haven't adopted an American kid yet. And I also question why a lot of stars are constantly over in some foreign country getting involved in starving kids and those kind of programs. I think it's great and I know there is a bigger problem in the world than what is just going on in America but I NEVER see any stars doing anything to help our own foster care system. It's weird.
I would have never thought about adpoting until I met my FI's parents. They were foster parents for over 15 years and ended up adopting 5 children. Pretty soon I'm going to have a 3, 4, 8, and 9 year old sisters in laws and a 13 year old brother in law. I love these kids so much and I don't even want to imagine what would have happened to them if they were never adopted by FI's parents.
When the time is right for us, I would love to for us to become foster parents and hopefully adopt.
I thought this was just me!!! I have never had the desire to have my own children, and as of now FI and I are undecided about whether we want a family. But if we ever decide that we do want kids, I would like to be one of those people who adopts the older children who have been in foster care or an orphanage for most of their lives. I feel like those are the people who need to be helped the most, and who are often forgotten.
And honestly, if I could skip the stage where they need help going potty and feel the need to ask the same question 97 times in a row, that would be awesome. Just kidding. Kind of.
We've discussed it at great length as well, but haven't made any real decisions.
I feel like there are so many kids in the world who need families, and I don't always see the sense in bringing more into the world, when there are already others who we could take in.
It's definitely not for everyone, and there are a lot of things to consider, but we're highly in favor of adopting, whether that's initially or later, in place of biological children or in addition to them.
@Miss Fish:"And honestly, if I could skip the stage where they need help going potty and feel the need to ask the same question 97 times in a row, that would be awesome. Just kidding. Kind of."
LOL my thoughts exactly. However I have no doubt in my mind that if/when I have my own child, I'll be a great and patient mom during those stages. But yea...I'd like to fast fwd to the first day of kindergarten myself haha.
I would rather adobt. FI wants his own. He thinks his genes are the best. :/
I felt that way and always wanted to adopt. DH, on the other hand, prefers to have children of his own. I tried to compromise and say one of each; but he's scared that the adopted child would not feel equally loved.
I would not have biological children with anyone else, but with time, I became excited to have our own. I still hope that someday he'll come around and open up to adopting after we have our first...
Fostering is such a good option. We will look into that as well. I would love that.
I also want to volunteer in an orphanage abroad, see how that goes.
@cbee: depending on where you mean by "abroad" be prepared to have your heart broken and to come wishing there hadn't been red tape preventing you from adopting every child you met... I've spent a bit of time volunteering at an orphanage in a very rural part of the world, and know a couple who tried to adopt a little boy who they met there and were denied repeatedly, with no reason given. They ended up adopting another child who they had never met, from the same culture. Also, seeing 30+ babies, two dozen kids ages 2-17 (all with special needs that prevent them from being adoptable) and knowing that there are only 5 paid adults to take care of all of them, 24/7, and a handful of volunteers who come and go ... it will break your heart. :(
daydreamwanderer I bet. Thanks for sharing that. :( It is something I have always wanted to do. I can see how sad it would/ will be. I have always been a bleeding heart, so-to-say.
@ALL- just food for thought- It makes me sad when people think they would only love their own children best/ more. I know people that have kids and expect them to be just like them and they are not, because every kid is different. I think of kids as belonging to the world/ universe/ god, and not just to us as parents. I think of parents as temporary guiders. So, I would love any kid the same. Just because a kid has your genes doesn't mean you will connect to them more or less than you would another child that needs your love and care.
I guess being a nanny for different families- there were some kids I just loved, and some just drove me crazy. I think it is like that whether or not the children are from your own genes.
I know people might feel differently, but I guess that has been my experience. It is good to be honest too though, if people really don't think they would love another child as much, I guess they aren't the right fit for being adoptive parents...
I'm adopted! :) My parents adopted me when I was an infant, from the US. They're white and I'm black. As a kid, I wanted to be like them and adopt two children and have two of my own. However, that has really really changed! I don't want kids at all... at least I don't think I do. My FI and I decided that we will discuss the whole kid thing in 5 years. But we're pretty sure we don't want them. We discussed adopting in the future as well. If that were to happen it would probably be domestically, but we're not opposed to internationally either. We'll probably go for an infant/toddler. I'm a Social Worker and used to work in foster care/adoption. I definitely have a heart for it. But I just don't think either one of us are prepared to raise a kid that remembers their birth family. As a couple who is unsure of whether we want kids... we would probably be inclined to have a dissolved adoption if we did adopt an older child. And I just can't imagine being the cause of yet another painful broken relationship/family for any child we adopt. I really respect those families who are prepared to deal with the emotional issues that come with older adoptees! We're just not that family. We have more experience and heart for dealing with race issues (which would definitely happen if we were to adopt). LOVE this thread though :)
@nontraditionalmiami: All adoptees have issues...all the ones I know do! And all the ones I've *met* in online support groups say they do as well.
And if you think about it, why WOULDN'T someone have a little bit of baggage/abandonment issues after being given up for adoption? I'm a pretty normal person, but I struggle with feeling wanted and feeling like I belong. Being the only Asian I knew (and even now I don't spend much time around Asians) I started to develop a lack of cultural and racial identity as well.
Food for thought: I went to therapy when I was in high school because I was depressed. The dr I saw also treated five, FIVE other Korean adoptees in an area that has a very, very small Asian population. I think there's something to that.
Anyone who is interested in adoption issues affecting adoptees should really check out "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier. It's an eye opener for sure and in my book a must read for those considering adoption :)
@cbee: I hear you....but I think it's better for a person to admit they aren't able to love an adopted child as much rather than to beat themselves up for it, possibly adopt or get talked into adopting, and then treat the child badly/differently. There shouldn't be any shame in admitting youre not cut out to be an adoptive parent. I know I'm not made for it!
Adoption in Canada is difficult & somewhat different than adoption in the US in that the majority of the children available for adoption are First nations Children or Special Needs Children. First Nations children can take up to 10 years to have the process finalized and under current Canadian Law, their biological parents retain their rights to access to those children for life. So if one day the bio mom/dad decided they want their child back, they get their child back lickety split despite the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on the legal & adoption fees.
On the other hand, children with special needs must be adopted by the right families, with the right dynamic & access to the financial, emotional, and educational resources to raise those children in a healthy, happy environment. We are not that family -- we might be financially well off for the moment but any sort of life long medical condition can change that in an instant.
As for the other [domestic] children available to adopt, the cost of legal fees and adoption fees is a fairly large stumbling block, as are the enormous waiting lists. It is something we have talked about, but have not seriously considered due to these factors.
We aren't keen on international adoption since it seems a very lucrative business and that doesn't sit extremely well with our morals.
@missmouse29: Oh this info kinda makes me sad that its so difficult when I know the best thing for these kids is to be put into safe, loving homes instead of being bounced around in foster care and other programs.
I am mixed on this. I really want to bear a child so if I can I will do it. But I also know the need for adopting. So possibly try and do both.
I've always wanted to adopt. It's something I've always said I will do. But I also want to have at least 1 kid that I carry. So we'll see.
I desperately want to adopt, but FI doesn't.
It reminds me of the movie with John Cusack (I forget the name) where he says "I don't want to bring another kid into the world, but what's wrong with loving one who is already here?"
We want to have biological children but we also want to adopt, probably from foster care but possibly international, too (I went to Haiti several years ago and you better believe there were a couple kids I wanted to bring home with me!)
We're going to adopt kid 2. I have had my birth experience and now it's time to work on giving a better life to someone who needs it. Insert environmental and social arguments here.
@missmouse29: while I agree with you that the majority of children that are adoptable are First Nation children, I disagree with what you say about parents getting the children back whenever they want. Laws may differ from province to province, but where I currently live once an adoption has been finialized that is it for the biological family unless there has been some type of agreement made prior to this happening. Before children can be placed for adoption there is a number of steps that need to be taken including terminating the guardianship rights of the biological parents. If the child is a registered member of a reserve consultation with the band must be done and the band has the right to refuse to release that child for adoption. That doesn't mean that child can not be adopted it just means that it is going to be a longer process. Once the adoption is final, the biogical family no longer has any rights to that child. The adoptive family becomes the child's legal guardians and has full rights to make decisions for that child. If the adoptive family does not want contact with the biological family it is their right to say no.
We want to adopt. I've always wanted to and was thankful that my husband was on the same page. We'd like to have a biological child and adopt or if things work out and we can't have biological children, we'll adopt two. I know the process can be long and frustrating, but there are so many children that need homes, and for us it is especially important to adopt a black baby. Honestly, I wish I could steal Sandra Bullock's little Louis.
I would like to have my own children, but I have already suffered from 3 miscarriages, and the doctors are still not sure what caused them. So, hopefully it happens, if not, my sister already offered to be a surrogate so my FH can have biological children, which is important to him because he is the last male in his family and he wants to pass on the name. I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. Perferrably older children out of the foster care system. My siblings and I spent a short amount of time in foster care when we were younger and I met people who did not get out of the system until they were 18. They never had a stable home, they were often bounced from home to home. Its sad. I would love to give some of those children a home. FH fully agrees with me. We plan on starting to try for our own children in about 2 years and hopefully start adopting in about 4. FH wants to wait until we are in our 30's so the system will take us more seriously about wanting to provide those children with a permanent home.
Both. I want to experience carrying my own children, childbirth, etc. However, boys run VERY prominently in my FI's side of the family, and I want a little girl so badly. We have decided that if we don't get a girl our first two times, we'll adopt :) And even if we do have a little girl, we might adopt anyways. There are too many kids out there without a loving home, it breaks my heart.
I have always been interested in adopting, but as I grow closer to the actual time where we're thinking about kids, I realize I would like at least one of my own, but very possibly no more. So I'm not as interested as I once was, simply because I just don't think I want multiple children.
Also, we know a couple who have a girl from Russia with RAD, and it terrifies me. I know it's more prominent in certain countries, but the idea of it has scared me off from adoption quite a lot. I deep down just don't think I could do it.
With that said, I seriously applaude those who will go on to adopt. I think it is an amazing thing to do.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| fishbone | 15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
 sylvia.riggle |
10 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
DH and I have gone round and round on this issue. Our current consenus is that we want to adopt, whether or not we can have children (we haven't started TTC, I want to get an MFA first and live abroad- hopefully!).
But we may just not TTC, and just save for adoption. I just wonder if anyone else feels this way?