Post # 1
Anyone else feel like no matter how much you and your mom start on the same page about something, when you next check in you’ve gone in completely opposite directions?
For example (and probably the biggest thing), I don’t EVER want to hear the phrase “But that’s how it’s done” AGAIN! We are planning a simple wedding and FI and I want the whole day to be like a family picnic so our families can meet and mingle. (Most of them have never met and may never meet again).
But my mom keeps worrying about what “someone” will think if we do this, or don’t do that. I feel like she’s more worried about what some anonymous critic (who may or not really be there) thinks about our wedding than what we think about it! Is anyone really going to think we’re awful if I do a first dance with my hubby but not with my dad (who doesn’t dance) at a reception being held at a community park shelter?
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. I guess just some advice on how to deal with our “You want to do what?” reactions to each other without choking each other would be nice. Sigh… Thanks
Post # 3
Maybe if you say that is “how it USED to be done, but traditions have changed and many brides now do this <whatever it is> because it works better now <for this reason> which people didn’t have to think about in the past”
A good example for this is the dancing. In the past everyone knew how to waltz and foxtrot- EVERYONE. So doing a dance was neither embarrassing or out of place. A father and daughter would have waltz together many times in their lifetime before she would get married– so doing it at the wedding was special and no pressure. However today many dads and daughters don’t even know the basic waltz step. Most people don’t do ballroom dancing socially anymore. So many people are uncomfortable having to do it for the first time in front of a crowd of people. Therefore traditions have adapted and only people comfortable with the father/daughter dance now do it.
Also what everyone is going to remember from ANY party is the food and the music. So if thats good nothing else matters! Maybe you can remind her of that too.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
I have worked with a lot of brides that have struggled with this very thing… so you are not alone.
A lot of families stuggle to balance everyone’s suggestions… Parents often feel like their child’s decisions is a reflection of them and younger generation don’t really get this… Best to find out Mom’s top three and give her those… then put your foot down on the things that really matter to you.