Weddingbee boards

hi...

I'm going through some strange and hurtful stuff with this wedding planning process. I didn't know what I signed up for when I said yes!

I've had two people now be really critical of our wedding plans. Goes something like this:

"Why are you planning such a traditional wedding, even though you're lesbians?"  or,

"wow, bridesmaids and flower girls? You're going really traditional hey? Weird."

Why can't queers have tradtional weddings, or incorporate traditional elements? Weddings, by their very nature, are traditional! This is a cultural tradition, and no matter how you dissect or reinvent it, all weddings are going to have some basic elements to it.

ok, maybe you don't need bridesmaids or flower girls, but having our friends up there with us is important to us, and flower girls are adorable, and actually hold ritual significance to me.

Yesterday one of my bridesmaids dropped out, saying our wedding was too traditional for her, and she can't understand why we want them to wear matching coloured dresses. I said they could choose their own style, but I wanted the same colour, for a visual aesthetic. And she's straight! to top it off, she told me by TEXT. i'm hurt and I think her approach is so tacky.

she's long distance so we're trying to resolve it over email, and it just sucks. She's saying stuff like "I thought you were the kind of person who would have an Elvin, Celtic handfasting- I don't recognize you in this, and I can't be who you want me to be." She hasn't even taken the time to find out- we are doing a Celtic ceremony, including a handfasting, and our attire is entirely Lord of the Rings, Elvin- inspired. WTF?

people's true colours come out in this process, hey? I never thought planning a wedding would be so emotional and stressful. Naive, I guess.

:(

Unfortunately we are not in the planning phase bc FI has to make a move to my city and job switch before we can get civil unioned. However the LAST people I would expect to give criticism are the ones we love and care about, closest to us. That sucks, and Im sorry :(

@mtnhoney: oh god im so sorry about your bridesmaid!! how ridiculous. she shouldn't dictate what you can and cannot do. she should be standing up there for you because she supports you, regardless of what color dress you've requested that she wear!!

this statement is spot on:

"Weddings, by their very nature, are traditional! This is a cultural tradition, and no matter how you dissect or reinvent it, all weddings are going to have some basic elements to it."

i, too, like the traditional element of weddings. i like the formality, since it is a very important life event. just because you're gay and that is "different" doesn't mean that you have to run down the aisle in a tye dyed rainbow tuxedo.

people are insensitive :(

@September29:  just because you're gay and that is "different" doesn't mean that you have to run down the aisle in a tye dyed rainbow tuxedo.

This!  When my FI's uncle heard we were getting married, he said, "Great, I'll bust out the tie-dye."  Um, no.

People have commented that our wedding will be "quirky" or "out of the box" because we are a gay couple.  In fact, we are planning a fairly traditional ceremony/reception.  OP, you are not alone!

@September29:  tie-dyed rainbow tux, LMFAO!!!!

thanks for the laughs this morning, ladies! my BM and I have come to a place of understanding, and I'm going to to forgive although I won't be able to forget the hurtful things she said, and the immature way she handled this. It's her, not me. Her issues with weddings and marriage in general, as well as personal stuff that I have nothing to do with. Why she chose to first attck my choices and our 'style' will forever baffle me. Sad.

I think I get too sensitive, like I WANT to be so alternative and non-comformist, because I am in a lot of ways in how I live my life. But, like so many have said, weddings are a tradition, and they follow a general structure, and I love ritual so we creating a ceremony and a party that best reflects us, and only including what has meaning to us. That's what important, right?

xoxoxoxo!!

@live laugh love:  great idea! prop cake. yeah, i dont' understand the NEED for a cake, either. we love cupcakes, so we're going with those. and our friends are baking them for free. :)

i guess I should write a follow up since this thread still has some life in it!

my friend and I talked it out, and made peace. It really was about HER issues with marriage and weddings in general (her being divorced) although she was projecting it as though it was because of MY choices. Which sucked, but she apologized, more than once, and I can forgive.

No, I won't forget the stupid things she said, but it would hurt me more to lose her as a friend, even a long distance one.

Although she did specifically make a comment about "why are you having a traditional wedding, even though you're lesbians"... I've come to realize that the other comments that have got my back up were because people think I'M non-traditional. not because I'm marrying a woman, but because I've always gone against the grain, been anti-mainstream, and done things atypically.

so, when I realized that- it made more sense and I came to the conclusion that it was my own insecurity causing me to be defensive. an AHA! moment, if you will.

thanks for all the support bees!! i'm happy to have my two besties still on board with me!