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So I think I've become obsessed with my wedding after the fact. I don't care so much about the little details, and our day itself was perfect regardless of the little baby snafus. I was SO HAPPY the whole day, and for several days following. Then I got our pictures, and while they are very impressive I keep second guessing the way I look in them. I'm disappointed I don't look "sexy" in any photos, which was really what I was going for/worked hard and dieted for. I wanted a certain look. Should I have bought not such a poofy-botton dress? I definitely regret forgetting to take my jacket off in 80 percent of our formal photos. Then finally, looking back, I sort of wish I hadn't even worn a veil except for during the ceremony. I wish we had done e-pics, or I had at least had a bridal portrait part of our session. Wish more of the photos were closer in to see our faces ... the list goes on.
I know it's me, maybe because A.) I used to do some modeling and it was kind of a last chance to be beautiful before I feel like I'm going to be old, and B.) I'm just plain OBSESSED with photography LOVE IT, but i just can't stop critiquing! I feel like I've always been in search of that perfect photo of hubby and I, the wedding was our opportunity, and did we miss it because of the way I look? He'll never submit to another photo session like that again, and we definitely wouldnt be in our wedding stuff :( How do I get over this? Did anyone else go through anything like it?
I thought I would care about all the small things and obsess over the photos, but I can't think of one bad thing! Do I wish I looked perfect in all my photos? Sure. I liked my hair down better in the photos from the rehearsal and wish I had worn it like that. But who cares! I am married to the best husband in the world! I just toss aside the bad photos and post all the good ones on Facebook and look at them over and over again. I am now fully convinced that my wedding was the best wedding ever and I was the most beautiful bride to ever grace this Earth.
i feel your pain.
i ran our wedding over and over in my head and did a 'debrief' (to myself, obviously) about what was good/not-so-good, what i would've done differently / better yadda yadda.
... and also beating myself up for forgetting to get formal portraits. so i have ZERO pictures with my parents. can you believe it?
*dies*
@jocelyn, I'm so glad to see someone else is going through what I am, though you seem to be handling it much better. I wish I could see some photos of what you're talking about.
@mrsspaetz, wow, yeah, that does suck! The formal ones with the parents weren't the most important to me, but yeah, I'd be a little upset if I missed them all together! Did you have a pro photog? He/she should have made sure to get that!
I might be guilty of some over analyzing of the wedding... It's my nature, but luckily I married a guy who never looks back and never regrets.
I spent so long working on some of the details that were never captured on film... If I let it, it could break my heart... but I find when I'm ruminating on something, it's usually because I'm feeling bad about myself for some reason. So for me the best thing is to stop the negative tape in my head, and look at what's bugging me right then...
I kept obsessing about whether everyone had fun at our wedding or not. Really, that is insecurity about my relationships with others. I had to let it go or it was going to ruin my memories!
DG, thanks for commenting! I had some little things about the day that I had to get over, like forgetting to dance with the groom's father, but I got over them pretty quickly. I just can't stop the negative tape when it comes to the photos! I already feel fatter and whiter than when we got married ... I feel like it's already gone and there's no do-overs. I may never be that thin/put together again in my life.
The look I was going for was DEFINITELY more like what Mrs. Champagne had! That sexy long-haired look with the bare shoulders. My hair was long enough, it just got curled too tight, then the veil and jacket covered me all up.
Panda, which photos? The ones where I am, hands down, the most beautiful bride in the world? Or the ones where I have a double chin and my boobs look like they are about to fall out?
i am worried i will! but i am trying to maintain a calm, haha...
Well, part of maintaining my sanity is forgetting that the bad photos ever existed. So the really bad ones may not be making an appearance.
This might make for an interesting thread..."post your best and worst wedding photo." It might be therapeutic! I will do it if everone else does!
Also, I should make it clear that we don't have our pro photos yet, so I am only speaking based on the bazillion that people have sent me or that have ended up on facebook. But I almost don't care if the pro photos suck at this point. I like the guest photos because it gives me a glimpse of the wedding from the perspective of the people who were there!
I will post! Right now I only have a few that arent copyright, unclickable, and my photog really edited it down to omitt anything too too bad, but I'm sure people would participate. You can start a new thread in photography if you like. I think you are all right though if you haven't even seen the Pros yet! I'm sure he got great ones of you at the reception with your hair down.
@ETP: We had a pro-photog, but we did only a big photo of his family + my family. we did some portraits during the Chinese tea ceremony, but those weren't in my white dress, AND my dad was looking here/there/everywhere in every single shot. gosh.
really really bummed because my parents requested a large reprint on canvas but we couldn't find a single photo to use :(
EtP,
Why don't you have a bridal portrait session, and get some gorgeous photos taken of you with the sexier look you're after? I know it's a bit of a splurge, but "in the dress" sessions are normally not that expensive, and lots of brides do them after the fact.
I really thought I would be, especially of photos of myself. But I really wasn't. I really enjoyed my wedding day, but I'm really glad it's over. We really didn't have anything major go wrong, and the details came together wonderfully. I'm SO glad I gave my photographer a must-shot list, she got all those shots that were really important to me.
Hey Panda, have you thought about doing a boudoir session? Or a trash the dress session? That might give you the chance to be the "sexy" bride you're wanting. Even if you get a different photographer, it might give you the feeling and relief you're seeking so you can stop feeling like you missed something at the wedding.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of brides looking "sexy" - I just don't feel like a wedding is the time or place for that. PLUS, I think your pictures are absolutely gorgeous! Stunning! Really. I wouldn't change a thing.
I have to say, from the outside, that your pictures are amazing. There are some great emotional shots in there, and you're even smiling in your walking down the aisle pictures. It seems to be normal that you're looking at things you wish were different, but overall, you look great in these pictures.
Girl, I think you've got too much time on your hands. All that wedding planning has left you with a void, in which you're now obsessing over your pictures.
So you know what you should do?
Plan my wedding for me.
(just kidding. mostly.)
Honey, you looked GORGEOUS in those pictures. And your day went great!
If you're really not satisified though, do another photo shoot. No, it won't be on a mountain, and no, it won't be your wedding day, but you definitely CAN do a boudoir if you want sexy, or a bridal portrait session (yes, even after the fact; I mean, what else are you gonna do with the dress?!) for sexy and beautiful together (and no bolero this time, 'cause you know you won't forget twice), or a TTD, or even have couples photos taken, engagement style. Who cares that it's after the fact? It's fun!
Overall, I think those of us who are self critical will find fault in our photos. When researching your wedding, you only see people post their BEST photos. After your wedding, you get to see them ALL!
For me, I am sad I did not lose more weight. I lost about 15 pounds during a 6 month engagement while working full time and going to weekend grad school. It was the skinniest I've been in awhile, but I dont' have a small frame. So, I am jealous of brides LIKE YOU who have nice 'bridal arms'. I tend to build muscle very easily and am curvy (DD) @ 5'10". It doesn't help that my hubby is a S/M (shirt size), so I look bigger next to him than I used to w/ my exes who were more of my build. In some photos I feel like I look curvy but in a lot of them I just feel like a sausage....but my HUBBY thought I looked gorgeous, so I just try to see myself through his eyes! At the end of the day, I know that that was skinny "for me", and my hubby doesn't even like skinny women, so why am I trying to be a runway model anyway, lol.
If you are still upset, I'd do another photo session. After my wedding I thought I'd do a TTD but now I don't really care...wonder if you will change your mind with some time...
daydream, your post had me cracking up out loud! What area do you live in? You have been so supportive of me in every post ... don't think I haven't noticed! Hubby and I planned our whole wedding by ourselves, so I really would be happy to help you in any way I could via the Internet. I'm sure you were mostly joking, but I really do miss it!
@cannot, thank you so much for making me laugh too! I think it was the quote "bridal arms" that had me going. All these comments are starting to make me feel a little better. Maybe you are right, and you're not SUPPOSED to look so SEXY in your wedding photos. At least I don't think mine will ever be outdated.
hah. You wanna do a little web searching?
We're getting married in Grand Rapids, MI, (area code 49546) and we're currently venue-less. Since I live so far away, I'm actually considering hiring a by-the-hour coordinator just to help find a venue (and caterer if the venue doesn't provide).
What we're looking for is something that can seat around 200 people + dance floor, for around $1000. Sounds like a tall order, but everything in GR is pretty cheap, I feel like, so I don't think it should be impossible. For catering, we're hoping to do soups and hearty sandwiches.
...if you stumble on anything, I'll be forever grateful.
gah, I've been attempting to write a post about this since..well, probably a week after the wedding. It's hard for me to still look at wedding sites because I'm terrified of seeing things I like more than what we did!
We have tons of pics of our friends and famiy and special moments, but none of Mr.D and I together (not kissing), or us with all our bridal party all together. While we're unlikely to get the second I think we're going to do a day after (more like several months after) shoot to get more bridals and couple portraits. I wish we did a first look so we could have had more of those tyes of shots. sigh.
I just keep telling myself that I'm crazy, but trust me, you're not alone!
@dorsay, really? You are taking the plunge and getting all dressed up again, and paying another photographer to do a second shoot? I wish we could, but A.) I've already gained weight since the wedding, my tan etc. B.) we don't have the money for such an excursion (hair, makeup, new photog fees etc.) C.) Mr. P has already made it plain and clear that our first photos are good enough and we paid way too much for them as it is :( He won't submit to another shoot! and D.) Even if all these things were non factors, I'd always know the photos were not taken on our actual wedding day, all posed etc, and Mr. P would prob look annoyed in them as I'd have to talk him into it against his will! Ugh. Cant FIX this!
I, too, and guilty of over-analyzing some of the wedding, so I feel ya! I've since had major dress regret and I've been so sad about photos that weren't taken e.g. I have NO pictures along with my grandma, no pictures whatsoever from the day with 3 of my cousins that are like my brothers or with ANY of my friends, etc. There's just a list like that and everytime I think about it I get so sad and angry, but I try to shut my brain off because I remind myself that if it weren't those things it would be something else. It really just sucks, though, when you pay such good money and things don't happen like you ask.
@EngagedtoPanda It would be priced more like an engagement shoot, so it wouldn't be that much. I'd also have a friend do my hair and I'd do my own make up most likely. Not to mention that if it isn't for an actual wedding the costs of those services drop dramatically. His mother wants the same type of photos that we'd be shooting so I'm happy if we do the shoot we'll be able to provide her with them. Also, we'd get to go to the capitol and shoot in places we wouldn't get to on the wedding day (like the cherry blossom festival!).
And, um, I've also gained weight and am too scared to try on my dress. Good thing cherry blossoms don't bloom till April!
@Lillindy - I LOVE your dress! I know how you feel, but you looked amazing in that dress!
Panda - I got my pro proofs today. And to be honest, I don't care for them at all! I don't look great in any of them and I thought he could have been a little more creative.
I don't know if it helps to hear how someone else feels about the same situation, but the truth is, I still don't care! People are still raving about the wedding and I had so much fun. And...I'm married to my husband!
Relatively speaking, it's just some photos. Think of the best wedding you have ever been to. Do you go over to that person's house and look at photos all the time? Do your parents have wedding photos plastered on their walls? You need one good photo for a frame and then a coffee table photo album that no one other than you will look at more than once. In the grand scheme of your whole life together with your new husband, who cares!?
I think you need to focus on your emotional memories from your wedding and focus on your future life with your husband. Your photos shouldn't factor into those two things at all. You just finished planning a wedding, which is sooooo consuming. Find a new project to get just as excited about and the regrets will just melt away. I actually think doing a new shoot is just going to stress you out more and make you more anxious. As for me, I am going forget about the silly photos and go back to day dreaming about my special day and thinking about all the decorating and changes the husband and I are doing in our new home! Hooray!
Oh my gosh, I'm SO relieved I found this post!
Our wedding was just about a month ago, and I've been replaying it in my head over and over:
-My bangs we weird, I should have gotten them trimmed a week before!
-My bouquet wasn't what I wanted
-I can't believe I was so excited I made myself sick the morning of the wedding
-We forgot to pass off our video camera to someone to record, so we don't have a video!
-I didn't eat the whole day, which made me feel even more sick
So many things I can't stop thinking about. Then I started obsessing over why I was so upset about these things. Some things weren't perfect, but it was still the most amazing day of my life. I felt beautiful (even though I was so excited, I was shaking the whole time), and all our details came together so perfectly. I was a very lucky bride, all things considered.
It hasn't helped that we haven't gotten our pro pics yet, and I think once we get those, I'll feel better about the whole thing. But part of me still wants to do something for our one-year anniversary, like revisit our DW site and get dressed up and take pictures again so that I'll be more calm and relaxed and enjoy them more. I think that's what gets me the most, is that part of me was so worked up on the wedding day, I didn't enjoy the events leading up to the aisle walk as much as I should have.
Ah! Oh well! I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one!
I hate to add this, but I will. I did this when I married my ex (the over analyzing stuff) and have thought about what I'd do differently. So yes, I'm going to do some things when I marry my guy next summer very differently and am not going to make some of the faux-pas I did last time back in the day!
Here's the things I'm not doing: no receiving line (if you don't know us, chances are you won't be there anyway! Plus it's a much smaller wedding), not alot of bridesmaids (3 total including MOH), outdoor wedding and reception (weather permitting of course, but will have tent backup), and not take any mom with me to try on gowns as I got steered in the wrong direction last time by the x mom in law! and last but not least, only cocktail dresses for the bridesmaids and something they will 100 percent want to wear again! And I'm aiming for more elegant invitations this time also.
I was in pure bliss after the wedding and thought everything was perfect UNTIL I saw the pictures! Then all I could see was back fat and my wrinkles! Sigh!
@Lillindy, did you end up with that Enzoani? It took me forever to dig through your history to find it, but I think it was a GORGEOUS choice of dress! Timeless and classy!
@Miss Chapstick, I have to see a picture of these bangs. I mean that, I can totally understand. Don't you just kick yourself like why didn't somebody TELL me while I could do something about it??? I'm sure they are not as bad as you think though, just like my jacket isn't as bad to everyone else as it is to me.
As for the video, we don't have one either. My stepdad was supposed to bring his camera but, ooops, it was broken, oh well?? The bouquet, I wouldn't think is too big a deal. None of the blooms for the flowers on our centerpieces were even open! I didn't let that stuff get to me. We all have our things that get to us, and I guess just mine is pictures! haha. It feels good to know none of us are alone in this though :)
EtP - I thought your photos were lovely! I find myself in the minority here; I'm really happy with our wedding, no regrets. The photos are great and yeah, there are a few I might have liked taking if I'd been keeping track of everything the photographer was shooting, but nothing major. We've got our formal portraits, our candids, our fun-pics and I'm just so happy. It was such a perfect, wonderful, happy day. A friend of ours looked at our photos and said, "I've never seen anybody look so happy in so many photos." Hah!
I keep going over and over how I locked myself out of the church and had to wait 30-45 minutes to get another key, which in turn led to me getting ready later, which meant I was late in getting to my pictures and then once I realized it was 5:55 and the ceremony was at 6:30 and people had already started to arrive, I broke down and we couldn't continue on with my pictures, so I don't have any with just me and each one of my MOH or with any of the groomsmen. Also, forgot to ask someone to record the wedding and forgot to pass out our photo cards!!! And of course since I didn't get any pictures of me before hand, it took a little longer getting pictures after the ceremony which made us behind on arriving to the reception and then it was rush rush with the photographer! But everyone tells me it was beautiful and there is nothing to beat yourself up about! But still, I do!!!! But everyday is getting better.
The photos that you have posted on here of your wedding are gorgeous, and you look so beautiful in all of them. The scenery is lovely too. I wish that I was getting married somewhere so breathtaking. I can't imagine why you would be dissatified with them. Don't feel bad at all. Sometimes I obsess and it makes me feel worse about things than they really are. Think positive. Everything is fine. Look forward to family portraits in the future.
I don't regret anything, but I still see new idea on the wedding blogs and think what if or wish I had gotten a particular picture. I think we have so much overload of reading all the blogs and really there is no way to capture every thing or do every amazing idea.
This post is a nice reminder I'm not alone. Now I'm just itching to plan another party in general.
Miss Chapstick, I did the same thing on my wedding. I was way too nervous to eat during the day, although I tried, and didn't really eat at the wedding, so by the end of the night I wasn't feeling the best. That is one of my biggest regrets - not eating enough and feeling sorta sick. :( But I guess of all things to regret, that is pretty ok!
One thing I'm very happy I didn't do was get wasted. Seriously, I think I look really pretty and have a real smile in every picture. But I love looking at all the pictures and seeing a packed dance floor with pretty drunk guests having a blast! Everyone keeps saying they've never seen so much dancing at a wedding - which is exactly what I wanted.
Honestly, though, how silly is it that I regret not feeling better? I guess I was just hoping to be on cloud 9 for the full 24 hour day, not having to sit out a few dances at the end because I wasn't sure if I was going to vomit or not. :(
@engagedtopanda: As soon as we get some pics back from our photographer, I'll have to post some headshots to see if people thought my bangs were as bad as I pictured them in my head. I have really thick hair, and I KNEW I should have gotten them trimmed and thinned out a week before the wedding, but I had convinced myself they were fine because "fringe was in." Ugh, totally regret it.
@AnnyM: Oh gosh! I'm not the only one! It's awful, isn't it? I remember one of the things I was looking forward to the most was waiting in our "holding room" right before the ceremony, and really taking the time to talk to our parents, wedding party, and even my husband, and just bask in the fact that we were about to walk down the aisle. Nope! I was surrounded by everyone, but I kept pacing, feeling light-headed and people were trying to get me to eat mellon balls because I felt like I was going to pass out from not eating. It was awful! Oh well. My husband said he enjoyed the moment, nonetheless.
I only have one thing I am having a hard time letting go of. I asked my two older nephews to usher at our wedding, and they were both very excited to do so.
During our portraits I had photos taken with my younger nephew (our ringbearer), but never got any formal photos with my older nephews. I am still kicking myself over it, and feel really badly. I am sure they don't think anything of it (17 and 13 y.o boys), but I still wish I had had it together enough to not forget about them. :(
wow, I'm so glad I'm not alone! I was definitely feeling bummed about everything being over and when we finally got our proofs I felt even more disappointed. I do love our photos, but I guess I had the idea in my head that I'd look perfect in every picture. Or that every picture would be a framer.
@mrsspaetz - I'm so sorry to hear that you missed your family formals! I missed out on some formals with my extended family too. I also don't have as many of me with my bridesmaids as I would have liked. Our photog got ones of my groom with each of his groomsmen, but didn't do that for me and my girls. Honestly, I chalk it all up to the fact that we were running a little behind on time.
@dorsay - I wish we had done a first look too! We talked about it orginally but was talked out of it by most of our family. We do have some really great photos of us, some formal and some candid. I try to remind myself that we just followed tradition!
I keep telling myself that I'm not really upset, I'm just sad that the planning is over! Time to plan the next party, right girls??
I do regret not getting a picture with my Grandpa, too. That one really sucks - especially since he told my Mom I was breath-taking and we were all worried he wouldn't make it to the wedding. :(
Does anyone feel like they don't remember everything? I hate to say this - but I'm wondering if some people came to the wedding because I don't remember if I saw them or even said hello and thank you for coming!!! We got up after dinner to go greet the tables, but everyone was already starting to get up to get ready to dance!!
@ Miss Chapstick - too funny, b/c my husband was totally on the dance floor the ENTIRE time. Which I love, because everyone else was there with him and everytime I was out there we were dancing together, but he never stepped away (at all) to see what was going on with me!! Oh well, at least he had a great time. :-) As did I, I just wish I had felt better!!
Hi ladies, Im brand new but still a newlywed. Im so relieved I found this post because as I explained in my lengthy pm to Lillindy, my wedding didnt go as planned at all. 17 months later and Im still upset about what a disaster it was, and wish we had gotten better pics at least(couldnt afford a pro photog, stupid recession).
I think not having better pics to frame all over the house and on my fb, just reminds me of how disappointed i was. Yes I am married to my dear sweet hubby who i wouldnt trade for anything in the world BUT it was one day that i had dreamed of since i was 10 at least. So the lack of pics I had daydreamed about for a year (while planning) almost keeps the wounds open. If i had beautiful pics to look at then maybe i could forget all the details that went wrong.
I wish I would have gone with the princess poufy dress i wanted initially but didnt get because I thought it would look silly at a city park (our ceremony venue). We hired a student photog who was terribly sweet but didnt get those artsy photojournalist pics that are all the rage. Wish we'd hired a doc because due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, our guests had no chairs to sit in (thank goodness it was a short ceremony). I wish I would've been more pro active in the reception decorating (it was held at my mil's friends house).
I dont have a time machine but i have decided that we're gonna have a do-over on our 2 year anniversary. Im gonna drop the 20 lbs i've gained since the wedding, we're gonna get dressed up and do what they call a Feel Free to Flaunt session. Apparently a lot of ppl are really nervous on their wedding day and regret their pics. The photog is only charging us $200 for an hour as opposed to the rate around here for the wedding day rate of at least $2000.
These are hard times but i feel like maybe if i can at least get some pics of what things should have been like then maybe i can move on.
Disappointedbride -
I am so sorry your wedding wasn't what you wanted it to be. But just remember that the wedding is just a door opening to your marriage. Maybe in two years the day itself will seem insignificant when compared to your whole new life together!
My mom asked me if I wanted to do a second shoot because my photos really were bad. My dad and I had the same reaction - that the wedding is over and it is time for the marriage! I feel like if I try to "fix" my bad photos, I will be dwelling on all the wrong things when there are so many exciting things happening for my husband and me that I could be focused on!
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